Separating

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[Post New]08/20/2016 07:45
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP here. And last night he came and woke me up and asked me to come to his room so we could snuggle. Had sex.

This is insane.


Why did you go! If he's moving out enforce boundaries. Don't engage the insanity.
[Post New]08/20/2016 07:54
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Anonymous
What is the hurt on your part? Did you give him cause to leave or contribute to the alleged depression?
[Post New]08/20/2016 08:06
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I would believe he is done with me if he weren't still texting me, calling me, organizing dates and outings. Not involving the kids, either. I think he is depressed.


Other people's husbands arrange dates and outings for them? Now *I'm* depressed.
[Post New]08/20/2016 09:40
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Anonymous
That doesn't sound right. My XH did something similar- already planned his moving out, but still wanted snuggles, sex, talking about us. Still left and 2 months later was living with another woman....

Be careful OP and do your due diligence - rule out an affair, as he could be plagued with guilt or just wants to have his cake & eat it. Its very rare for a man to jump off the train without a soft landing awaiting. Best wishes.
[Post New]08/20/2016 09:45
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Anonymous
This is so awful for him to be doing to the children. Awful.
[Post New]08/20/2016 09:49
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:This is so awful for him to be doing to the children. Awful.


This is awful for him to be doing to OP, too. Cue the troll who will say it's all her fault, but whatever she did or didn't do, she doesn't deserve these mind games or to be used like this.
[Post New]08/20/2016 11:59
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Anonymous
It is really hard. I don't know what is up, what is going on, or how to navigate this.
[Post New]08/20/2016 12:22
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ThatBetch
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:It is really hard. I don't know what is up, what is going on, or how to navigate this.


This is actually less complicated than you're making it out to be. Decide for yourself where your boundaries are, then enforce them.

1) If he wants out, let him go. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. May not be what you want, but if it's what he wants, that's what it is.
2) No sex. Ever. Period. This "he wanted to cuddle" shit is a total dealbreaker. Sex with your (STB)ex is always a bad idea, and will usually leave you feeling miserable.
3) Be honest with your kids, and don't delay. If you and stbex are in separate rooms already, they already know something's up. Don't go on vacation and play like it's all right, then come home and drop a bomb on them. Tell them what's happening, and let them have some input into the vacation. They're old enough to articulate their thoughts and wants.

Step up and be an adult. Clearly your STBEx isn't going to, and your kids need to know that someone can/will. It is hard. It is miserable at first. You'll deal.

Decide and then act. You can have feels about it once he's out and things are moving on.

[Post New]08/20/2016 13:38
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What would you call a man who, after refusing to participate in marriage counseling, signs a lease on an apartment without telling you and then says "But we should still take the kids on vacation!"


A man who was DONE with is stbexw. Someone who have moved on, and was already waaay past the relationship. The whole "unrecognizealble" sounds exactly like what happens when people who have been modifying their behavior for years finally quit because they know the end is in sight and there's no point anymore.


+1. Figures it isn't worth the energy.
[Post New]08/20/2016 23:51
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would believe he is done with me if he weren't still texting me, calling me, organizing dates and outings. Not involving the kids, either. I think he is depressed.


Other people's husbands arrange dates and outings for them? Now *I'm* depressed.


Yes. At least one divorced dad here who was in charge of all that stuff. I have primary custody now. She's in a one bedroom with visitation and her stable of online dates.
[Post New]08/21/2016 07:25
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Anonymous
News flash. Men need sex. They will take it where they can get it. Do NOT have sex with this man again. You think he is trying to reconcile. He just wants sex. Don't fall for it.
[Post New]08/21/2016 07:31
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP here. And last night he came and woke me up and asked me to come to his room so we could snuggle. Had sex.

This is insane.


He's having an affair. I bet my danskos on it.
[Post New]08/21/2016 07:56
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Anonymous
[quote=Anonymous]News flash. Men need sex. They will take it where they can get it. Do NOT have sex with this man again. You think he is trying to reconcile. He just wants sex. Don't fall for it. [/quote]

Yeah. Sorry OP. He's still done and he's still going to move out. He was horny. Next time tell him to fuck off.
[Post New]08/21/2016 15:07
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP here. And last night he came and woke me up and asked me to come to his room so we could snuggle. Had sex.

This is insane.



WHY?
[Post New]08/22/2016 06:24
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Anonymous
Op here. Good question. I don't know why. I was thinking maybe his reaching out was a sign he wanted to reconcile, and I still do love him so much.

I'm starting to come to terms with this. It isn't what I want, but I don't know this man and I don't like this man. I wouldn't have married this man. I'm going to go through our family vacation and then let him go.

Still trying to figure out what to say to my boys. Don't want to put them in the middle of things, but also don't want them to think their fathers actions are ok.
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