Please help me

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[Post New]04/26/2016 19:50
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Anonymous
I don't know where to start. But to make a long story short - I'm married to a very abusive man. I don't know how to leave him. I don't know where or how to start. We have young children. I gave up my career to marry him a number of years ago. I have no family in the area and going back to work would be difficult. He would never let me work meanwhile we are married. To make things more complicated I am not from here. I am from a european country and my professional degree is from there. My husband is wealthy but I believe he set up his assets not to own anything personally. I personally have nothing (or close to nothing) left. I spent all my savings over my years here in DC. I know this is very brief but I just need to get the question out there. I'm afraid I'll never do anything and my life will be like this forever. I'm not getting any younger. I just want me and my children to be ok. It doesn't matter if its here or in europe but i'm not leaving without then. Advice....????
[Post New]04/26/2016 19:51
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Anonymous
What kind of abuse and can you document it?
[Post New]04/26/2016 19:54
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:What kind of abuse and can you document it?


Mostly emotional. The physical abuse have not been documented and not my main concern. The emotional is the worst and I'm not sure how I even would document it. But I have scrubbed my own blood off the bathroom walls so the housekeeper wouldn't see it. Oh god I don't know what to do.
[Post New]04/26/2016 19:56
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:What kind of abuse and can you document it?


You don't understand, because of my children I'm actually hiding the abuse. My mind is so messed up I can't even think straight around him anymore. I have noone to talk to. I'm crying with relief just for writing to DCUM right now.
[Post New]04/26/2016 19:56
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Anonymous
Tell us more about the emotional abuse. Does he lose his temper? Or does he calmly control your life?
[Post New]04/26/2016 19:59
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Tell us more about the emotional abuse. Does he lose his temper? Or does he calmly control your life?


Both. The losing of temper has lead to him being able to calmly control my life if that makes sense. But yes he still does lose his temper. For the most unpredictable reasons.
[Post New]04/26/2016 20:00
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Anonymous
Can you record audio of him losing his temper.
[Post New]04/26/2016 20:04
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Can you record audio of him losing his temper.


Would it potentially be worth the trouble? I'd have to somehow get the iphone going at the same time he starts to scream. I'm afraid he might notice and that it would make it worse. Not impossible to do it though I guess...
[Post New]04/26/2016 20:38
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Anonymous
Are you on Va? Doorways has safe houses. Can you get back to your country? Family there?
[Post New]04/26/2016 20:48
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Anonymous
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or thehotline.org; available 24/7. They have trained counselors that will help you navigate your situation. The website has helpful information and you can also do an online chat.
[Post New]04/26/2016 20:50
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Are you on Va? Doorways has safe houses. Can you get back to your country? Family there?


The thought of going to a safe house have crossed my mind. Grabbing my kids and going back to my country as well. But my family cannot accommodate us for long. Either way, those are not permanent solutions and I feel like I cannot do anything drastic like that without preparing legally. I need a plan before I act. I can keep my husband under control in terms of the physical abuse so I'm not fearing for my or my childrens physical safety.

I guess I'm asking for advice on how to prepare legally. If even possible. I really have not explored this at all.
[Post New]04/26/2016 20:51
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or thehotline.org; available 24/7. They have trained counselors that will help you navigate your situation. The website has helpful information and you can also do an online chat.


Thank you. I guess I can give it a try.
[Post New]04/26/2016 20:52
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Anonymous
Most lawyers will speak to you for a half hour for free, that would be a starting point.

The PP that gave out the toll free number is a excellent idea too.
[Post New]04/26/2016 20:58
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PaigeKeller
Member Offline
I am so so so sorry to be reading this! You are not alone!

I would definitely consider the resources above.

I wish I could hug you right now. I think staying here is your best option but get out of the house. And verbal/nonverbal abuse is as real as physical abuse. I am glad you recognize it for your and your children's sake.

Lots of love to you and your children.
[Post New]04/26/2016 21:00
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Anonymous
OP, if you are not in physical danger,Nate some time and gather as much information as possible as it relates to your assets. Unless you signed a prenup, half of the marital assets are yours. That money will help you start again. Make a file and keep it somewhere else.

You might even be able to open a credit card for some emergency access to credit.

If you are in physical danger contact a domestic violence shelter or hotline. You could try the family justice center in Rockville. They area one stop shop for services.

I also think you should try to get to your home country. You'll likely have to come back if he wants access to the kids, but you'll have some distance between you for a while and that will be a good thing.

Please get out and be safe. I guarantee that in then end you will be happier.
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