Clueless Husband Here - Need advice on how to respond to wife's complaints on appearance

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[Post New]04/12/2016 12:58
quote
Anonymous
If she has wrinkles, don't lie and say you don't see them. Say, "I love your wrinkles. They make you look smart/happy/whatever."
Point out women who look their age that you find hot (on TV, in magazines, at the coffee shop)
Encourage her to do something that she enjoys- painting? golf? museums? Whatever. If she's a SAHM she may need another outlet for her talents and interests.
[Post New]04/12/2016 13:29
quote
MikeL
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a tough one. I don't like it when I have a bad outbreak of eczema, for example, and all my husband says is "You look great, honey, you're beautiful." It makes me feel patronized and kind of gaslighted. But I also don't want him to say "You're right, you are hideous!" So you are walking a fine line.

What I recommend: Tell her "Let me take a really close look." Have her sit down and turn on a bright light and scrutinize her face carefully for at least a full minute. Then say "Honey, I have to tell you, I think you are looking really good here." She will feel that you have made an actual appraisal and given her feedback. She may come back and say "But what about my crow's feet!!" Then you can say "Let me look again." Look at the crow's feet for another minute. Come back and say "This looks very faint to me, really not something you want to mess with." Continue to scrutinize, minimize.


THIS IS GOLD.

I have similar insecurities and I would love this-- actually, my DH does something like this and it's totally believable AND...

It has the effect of not really deterring me from a little potential Botox if I feel like it and YET... It pulls me off the ledge of feeling like A) I look hideous now and B) my husband thinks I could use a "touch up."

Yup, exactly the way to handle this.
[Post New]04/12/2016 13:35
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Anonymous
For me, I appreciate it when DH will randomly say "I really like that look". Yesterday I threw on something some jeans which I hardly wear because I don't like how my stomach looks in them. Dh said 3 times completely randomly how much he liked my outfit and how good I looked. Boosted my self esteem way more than the normal "you look great/beautiful" comments. Or when I catch dh checking me out, being affectionate when sex clearly isn't on the table, and of course having his hands all over me When sex is on the table.
[Post New]04/12/2016 13:39
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Anonymous
Where do you all live OP? How old are the kids?

If she's a stay at home mom, she's likely in the midst of mommy wars. Whose prettier, skinnier, more toned, dresses nicer, etc. Especially with sundress and bikini season coming upon us. Judgmental moms are the worst.
[Post New]04/12/2016 21:53
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Where do you all live OP? How old are the kids?

If she's a stay at home mom, she's likely in the midst of mommy wars. Whose prettier, skinnier, more toned, dresses nicer, etc. Especially with sundress and bikini season coming upon us. Judgmental moms are the worst.


Logan Circle - kids age 5 and 7.
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