Anger Management Help

Anonymous
I am trying very hard to find a way to be supportive of my DW. She has serious anger management issues. She has a very low tolerance for frustration, which often ends up with her lashing out at those nearest to her - me, kids, etc. I have tried to set boundaries with her to let her know when she is behaving in a destructive manner, however that will often set her off even more. When she is angry, she curses and swears and says the meanest and nastiest things to me or my children. She seldom will apologize for what she said or did later. Most often, her excuse is that "if you did not make me angry" then I wouldn't behave this way. Recently, she got into a road rage incident that almost landed her in jail. I am concerned that her behavior will one day either actually land her in jail or end up with her seriously hurt. She needs to see a therapist to deal with her anger issues, but I do not know how to get her to one. She says she doesn't need one. Any suggestions?
TwistdMike
Member Offline
Crush some Prozac and slip it into her morning coffee?
Anonymous
Provide her with 2 options, divorce or get help. Your safety is an issue if her anger is not controlled.
Anonymous
Classic abuser think = You are responsible for controlling my behavior. You make me angry. You make me abusive.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Classic abuser think = You are responsible for controlling my behavior. You make me angry. You make me abusive.

+1 Kids do this, too, but not abusers yet ... I would like some strategies for dealing with this, too.
Anonymous
You need to get your kids out of that situation. I've known many people who grew up with mothers like that, and they all ended up extremely screwed up as adults.
Anonymous
You aren't being firm enough, you say you "tried to set boundaries" but that isn't enough. The ultimate boundary is to tell her that you will leave her and take the children if she doesn't get help, and you have to mean it.

Frankly I wouldn't stay in that situation, she is a classic abuser. Anyone who has a run in with the law due to their own anger is someone that I wouldn't want around my children.

Leave her.
Anonymous
That sounds like a very frustrating situation for you to be in. Approaching your spouse the right way is probably going to be one of the keys to communicating your concerns effectively. Consider approaching her at the right time and in the right manner; when she is not distracted or too stressed or tired. Try not to be confrontational, have an angry tone of voice or condescending. You could even consider writing a letter if this topic is so hot-button with your wife that she is bound to blow up and become defensive. If I were you, I wouldn't say, "You need counseling." Recognize and admit that "we" have a problem, and it must be addressed as a team. Consider encouraging your wife to join you in getting help for your marriage by saying something like, "I love you with all my heart, but I am tired and need your help and support on this. If you won't go to therapy for yourself, would you go with me?" I believe these non-threatening approaches take some of the pressure and blame off your spouse and will hopefully open doors to the possibility of getting help instead of closing doors by using negative approaches.

Hang in there. Praying for your family.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You aren't being firm enough, you say you "tried to set boundaries" but that isn't enough. The ultimate boundary is to tell her that you will leave her and take the children if she doesn't get help, and you have to mean it.

Frankly I wouldn't stay in that situation, she is a classic abuser. Anyone who has a run in with the law due to their own anger is someone that I wouldn't want around my children.

Leave her.



This. Absolutely this. I drew this line with my wife and was very, very clear. She was raised in an abusive home where screaming at someone was absolutely normal. I didn't and it's shocking to me when this happens. I actually put my foot down when she said "well, it's not like I hit her" to justify a rage incident. I basically stopped cold, looked in her eyes and very calmly said if that happens, this is not going to be a fight. It's going to be me walking out the door with the kids because they are innocent and do not need rage and pain imprinted on them by adults who should know better. And I made it clear, I would do whatever it took to make certain these kids were safe, including leaving with them.

She's not a bad person and I think she even realized that if it got to be that bad, then yes, she probably can't parent safely. She went to counseling and is a much, much happier, healthier person.

There's fallout. I don't trust my wife 100 percent. I am learning that trust is built and that times takes what it takes. But I stand by my firm line. As a parent, our job is to protect our children. And that includes from abuse from their other parent.
Anonymous
I'm really shocked at the responses.

Other than the road rage incident, I could have been the DW described by OP.

It's not abuse. It's a situation in need of personal therapy but don't let's be dramatic about divorce, sheltering the kids from the wife, etc.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I'm really shocked at the responses.

Other than the road rage incident, I could have been the DW described by OP.

It's not abuse. It's a situation in need of personal therapy but don't let's be dramatic about divorce, sheltering the kids from the wife, etc.


Spoken like a true abuser.
Anonymous
Can you provide a set of examples of what she exactly is getting angry at you about?

I feel like this was posted awhile back.
Anonymous
The list is too long to post here.
Anonymous
OP, you need to reach out to people who deal with battered spouses and seek professional advice. Do this for your children's sake, please.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Can you provide a set of examples of what she exactly is getting angry at you about?

I feel like this was posted awhile back.


Can you try to get to the original source of the anger? Right now it might be everything, but how and when did it start?
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