adults calling kids "babe" and "girlfriend"

Forum Index » Schools and Education General Discussion
[Post New]05/11/2009 08:22
zumbamama
Site Admin Offline
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I use babe, baby, girlfriend, dude, honey, sweetie chica, ese, homie with adults, my kids and my kids' friends. I don't feel like I am degrading anyone, it's just an informal greeting that usually evokes a smile. I also say yo, wassup, sista!


Are you a mom or a dad?

I'd be really uncomfortable if another dad was calling my daughter babe or girlfriend! Sweetie and chica would be debatable (not as sexualized IMO).

If you're a mom, I wouldn't be upset.... kind of like a woman calling another woman "bitch." Fine to turn those kinds of words on your own group, IMO, because doing so is a way of taking control of what are usually perceived as diminishing words, but not so fine when someone else uses them.


I am a mom, in my 30s. I do agree with you that it would be weird if a teacher used babe. Girlfriend sounds like something a gay guy would say. But I say that everyday. Sup, girlfriend! Sometimes I throw in a snap afterwards.

Babe or baby, I generally use for my own kids, or kids related to me, not kids I don't know.
[Post New]05/11/2009 16:40
Anonymous
OP, I don't think you are crazy and I think this is a terrible example for a male teacher to be giving his young impressionable female students. Teachers are not friends, they are authority figures and this crosses the line. In a way, babe is worse than girlfriend because girlfriends been neutralized by go, girlfriend kinds of tossaway lines. This is a really confusing message to be giving eight-year-olds. I agree that dude is fine, not sure what the female equivalent would be. Dudette might work, it's playful and silly. Girlfriend and babe have got to go! Ick!

I'm stunned by the responses so far!
[Post New]05/11/2009 17:18
Anonymous
PP 16:40 I would tell the principal. Drop an anonymous note. I bet you are not the only parent who feels this way.
[Post New]05/11/2009 19:37
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:PP 16:40 I would tell the principal. Drop an anonymous note. I bet you are not the only parent who feels this way.


Skip the anonymous note; just talk to the teacher who you otherwise like and appreciate. Treat people like humans, not big brother when they screw up. Can we still talk face to face about things in this world?
--teacher
[Post New]05/11/2009 21:58
Anonymous
No wonder it's a challenge to attract and keep teachers in the field. Every offended parent thinks their entitled to dictate a teacher's life just because this person has contact with their children. After you've decided on the words a teacher is and is not allowed to use near your children, I suppose you'll be chasing down the teacher's other lifestyle issues. Heaven forfend he eat a cheeseburger and fries in front of your DC because that sets a bad example...

You can't control your child's environment. You need to learn this now.
[Post New]05/11/2009 21:59
Anonymous
sorry, "thinks they're entitled"

carry on.
[Post New]05/12/2009 06:09
Anonymous
You can't control your child's environment. You need to learn this now.

Up to a point. A parent's job is to protect their child. A male teacher calling eight-year-old girls "babe" and "girlfriend" is just plain off. Also, teachers know that their behavior is open to feedback from parents. All feedback is not helicopter parenting.

As for the anonymous note, why not? If the teacher has a bad reaction to the feedback, he could take it out on the student. Bringing in the principal is better all around. It's not tattle-taling.
[Post New]05/12/2009 15:29
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:No wonder it's a challenge to attract and keep teachers in the field. Every offended parent thinks their entitled to dictate a teacher's life just because this person has contact with their children. After you've decided on the words a teacher is and is not allowed to use near your children, I suppose you'll be chasing down the teacher's other lifestyle issues. Heaven forfend he eat a cheeseburger and fries in front of your DC because that sets a bad example...

You can't control your child's environment. You need to learn this now.


Yes, it is a slippery slope--NOT.

Stop your whining, poster.

This teacher is being inappropriate, OP. A man in his mid 30s should not be calling 8 year old girls "babe." It's gross. And it's not a "lifestyle" issue--it's just inappropriate.

When did we start questioning our instincts so much? It's f*cking inappropriate!
[Post New]05/13/2009 10:49
Anonymous
Your daughter is not his girlfriend and should not be called 'girlfriend' or 'babe'. I honestly think that a good teacher would already know that and would in fact be careful about how they chose to address the kids in their care. With all the nervousness about sexual abuse, most teachers are careful about crossing or even seeming to cross or getting close to that line. To me this raises a HUGE red flag........ I would not be re-enrolling my kid for the next school year!
[Post New]05/13/2009 10:59
Anonymous

What after school activity does this person teach? Different terms tend to be culturally acceptable in different outlets. A musical theater teacher will have a different vocabulary than a soccer coach. A football coach will speak differently to his players than a Chess Team sponsor. Dance teachers will communicate in a different way than a science teacher.
[Post New]05/13/2009 12:19
Anonymous
10:59 True, but none of the above should be calling 8-year-old girls babe or girlfriend!
[Post New]05/14/2009 18:58
Anonymous

12:19 -- I think I agree with you. However, I keep picturing a very dramatic musical theatre teacher or an intense dance choreographer. (Probably because I am familiar with these situations and have had instructors use that kind of language and I was not offended. Although, and even though it might not be fair, I would not have liked it from a formal classroom teacher.)
[Post New]05/14/2009 19:57
Anonymous
12:19 again. It's less about offending the students (if that's what you meant) than setting a tone. A dramatic musical theatre teacher still has to conduct him/herself appropriateLY. Fun nicknames (I suggested dudette to pair with dude) abound!
[Post New]05/14/2009 23:03
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
12:19 -- I think I agree with you. However, I keep picturing a very dramatic musical theatre teacher or an intense dance choreographer. (Probably because I am familiar with these situations and have had instructors use that kind of language and I was not offended. Although, and even though it might not be fair, I would not have liked it from a formal classroom teacher.)


OP here. This guy is exactly as you describe -- drama dude. As I think I said in my original post, I don't actually think that there is any sexual intent from this teacher, BUT I am concerned about the model it sets -- both now in school and later in the workplace.

Allowing this guy to speak to my daughter this way, teaches her that it's OK for some people to talk to her like that and leaves it to HER to figure who it's OK to allow to use that language and who it's not OK, and that's just too complicated for an 8 y.o. (and hard enough for a 40 y.o.) to figure out. IMO, the line is/should be bright -- i.e. that kind of language is never OK between those who are not either very intimate or of the same sex or similar age. How is she going to figure out if the next grownup guy who uses that language is trustworthy or a pedophile? How is she going to react when her boss calls her that, when a favorite afterschool teacher called her that in her youth? An 8 y.o. girl is too young to figure out whether she's offended or just too afraid that if she asks him to stop that he won't like her or she'll be seen as uncool, etc.

I'm also thinking about it from a more managerial perspective. If I were a boss, I would discourage anyone in my office from calling an opposite sex person "babe" or "girlfriend." If I were a principal, I would discourage any of my teachers from using that language with young girls. It just creates an opening for trouble and misunderstanding.

IMO there are plenty of ways to use casual language with the kids that doesn't raise these issues -- dude and dudette, hey you, hey man, hey girl, etc. Maybe they don't come off as being quite so cool and fun (the teachers real intent in using this kind of language, I think), but much safer.
[Post New]05/14/2009 23:51
Anonymous
this man is gay. does that make you feel any better?
Forum Index » Schools and Education General Discussion
Go to: 

Search   Recent Topics   Hottest Topics