Date your sons former teacher?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Hi,
I'm divorced and have been dating a teacher that my son had 2 years ago, but is a coach so stays in touch with my son via sports. My son can't seem to accept him as my boyfriend....Need help with getting my son to accept him as my boyfriend as the relationship is getting serious and he is a very good guy! |
Anonymous
| How old is your son? Primary school age, older...? |
Anonymous
|
Stop pushing it. Stop shoving the relationship in your son's face. Don't mention it to him, don't talk about the guy, shield him from it. You think you're happy and everyone should be happy for you. You think you're not shoving but sharing. Your son sees it differently. Respect that.
I dated a guy who my son had zero interest in knowing. So I didn't say "I'm going out with Tom tonight" but instead just told him "I'm going out tonight. You can do A, B and C." |
Anonymous
| Your son comes first. Sorry. I know it's not what you want to hear. |
Anonymous
| Gross |
Anonymous
|
Maybe he thinks you're frivolous
Maybe you are. You liked his Dad once. Now you don't. Now you're messing with HIS life. This is his world, away from you and the troubles you've caused. You better be pretty serious about his "boyfriend". You're willing to jeopardize your relationship with your son. |
Anonymous
| Maybe your son has seen a side of him that you haven't. |
Anonymous
| As a child of divorce, I can tell you that I didn't (and frankly still don't) want to know one single thing about my mother as a sexual being. Even if you marry this guy, keep in mind that he is not the new Dad and shouldn't be in a position of authority until a real relationship has developed. Read The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce as soon as you can and consider how your actions are affecting DS. |
Anonymous
He's 15 |
Anonymous
How so? |
Anonymous
He has said to me that he's a nice guy, good person - he just doesn't want me to date anyone that's not his dad. |
MikeL
Member Offline
Member Offline
He's not too happy with the idea that his old coach is slipping the trouser trout to his Mom. I've heard of boys asking their Moms not to date for a couple years while they(the boys) are teenagers. He knows what he's thinking about girls and he knows what his old coach is doing with Mom. It's up to you to choose. |
Anonymous
| My mom is married to my former coach and teacher. I thought it was weird at the time but they've been married for 20 years now. 15 is a hard age, give him some time and space. |
Anonymous
Well, he's going to accept reality at some point. I wouldn't stop dating the teacher here, but wouldn't flaunt it in front of my kid. And I would find the kid a therapist to talk to about this. |
Anonymous
|
I think you should accept that you're placing your son's relationship with the coach at risk, at least in your son's eyes. You can't expect your son to be optimistic about adult romantic relationships in the aftermath of a divorce. Your son may think that if you and this guy break up, he'll lose the relationship. And he's probably at least partially right.
How long ago did you divorce? What you think is "long enough" may not be long enough for your son. It may feel like you are once again casting life into upheaval, just when it had settled down. You don't have many years left with your son at home. |