If you let yourself go....

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[Post New]03/06/2009 13:34
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Truly hip city chicks don't drive.


I wrote this. Apologies for the apparent snark. I find I have a pretty strong urge to lampoon when something strikes me as ridiculous. I wasn't really commenting on hipness, just pointing out that minivans aren't any less antithetical to urbanness than SUVs or, if you're really a purist, any other car.
[Post New]03/06/2009 13:36
Anonymous
Wow. That would be more antithetical, right? Sorry yet again!
[Post New]03/06/2009 13:39
Anonymous
As the founder of this forum and participant on this thread, I have to say I am disappointed.

I happen to like clothes and make-up and shoes and all the rest, but I do understand that these are things that do not go to my physical condition.

If you saw a woman in a sweatshirt and sneakers and bad jeans and maybe didn't do much with her hair or had an outdated haircut-- but it shined, and her body rocked inside those unfortunate jeans, and she had a nice complexion, etc. -- she's still fantastic and has not let herself go.

It's like Cinderella. You can be poor and just have fabulous luck and put in a little work. Or you can be rich as sin and ugly as shit and nothing is going to change that.

I guess there is some in-between. If you are average-looking, and you spend a lot of money and time trying to make the best of what you have, society may see you as more conventionally attractive than they would if you gave up.

The OP is talking more about fashion than letting oneself go. The only person that can let yourself go is you. Not even the crappy husband one of the PPs mentioned, whose mother I truly feel for.
[Post New]03/06/2009 13:53
Anonymous
I equate letting yourself go with becoming lazy and not caring about yourself and your health. The characteristics the original poster mentioned are how that manifests itself.
[Post New]03/06/2009 13:54
Anonymous
If I'm driving a mini-van it's because I'm being punished. It's like high heels/stillettos - sure they're not as comfortable but they look a lot better on.
[Post New]03/06/2009 13:56
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:As the founder of this forum and participant on this thread, I have to say I am disappointed.

I happen to like clothes and make-up and shoes and all the rest, but I do understand that these are things that do not go to my physical condition.

If you saw a woman in a sweatshirt and sneakers and bad jeans and maybe didn't do much with her hair or had an outdated haircut-- but it shined, and her body rocked inside those unfortunate jeans, and she had a nice complexion, etc. -- she's still fantastic and has not let herself go.

It's like Cinderella. You can be poor and just have fabulous luck and put in a little work. Or you can be rich as sin and ugly as shit and nothing is going to change that.

I guess there is some in-between. If you are average-looking, and you spend a lot of money and time trying to make the best of what you have, society may see you as more conventionally attractive than they would if you gave up.

The OP is talking more about fashion than letting oneself go. The only person that can let yourself go is you. Not even the crappy husband one of the PPs mentioned, whose mother I truly feel for.


I disagree. If someone has shiny hair and a rockin' body but can't be bother to put together a nicer outfit than sweatshirt and jeans, she's not making a complete effort.
[Post New]03/06/2009 14:18
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:As the founder of this forum and participant on this thread, I have to say I am disappointed.

I happen to like clothes and make-up and shoes and all the rest, but I do understand that these are things that do not go to my physical condition.

If you saw a woman in a sweatshirt and sneakers and bad jeans and maybe didn't do much with her hair or had an outdated haircut-- but it shined, and her body rocked inside those unfortunate jeans, and she had a nice complexion, etc. -- she's still fantastic and has not let herself go.

It's like Cinderella. You can be poor and just have fabulous luck and put in a little work. Or you can be rich as sin and ugly as shit and nothing is going to change that.

I guess there is some in-between. If you are average-looking, and you spend a lot of money and time trying to make the best of what you have, society may see you as more conventionally attractive than they would if you gave up.

The OP is talking more about fashion than letting oneself go. The only person that can let yourself go is you. Not even the crappy husband one of the PPs mentioned, whose mother I truly feel for.


Is that you Jeff?
[Post New]03/06/2009 14:22
Anonymous
I'm torn on this whole thing. I've never been much of a girly-girl. I've never liked wearing much makeup, I've never spent much time on my hair, I almost never have a manicure, I only put in my contacts 1-2 times a week and I don't feel like I'm letting myself go if I wear jeans and a t-shirt to a place where jeans and a t-shirt are appropriate.

Now granted, my jeans are probably Lucky Brand (or at the very least, Gap) and my t-shirt is probably from J Crew and fits well. My clothes are from this decade, if not from this year. I'm probably wearing shoes appropriate for the occasion (not always sneakers) and I will dress up if I'm going somewhere nice - and for me "nice" includes nearly any restaurant, church, parties, etc. I'm always showered, my hair is clean and neatly pulled back, my clothes are pressed and I will wear minimal makeup if I'm going out at night. I work out and I'm in very good shape.

But I've just never seen the point of spending a ton of time and money on my appearance when I feel like I look perfectly fine taking minimal time. I have other things to do with my time. I'd rather spend the extra half an hour sleeping or going to the gym or playing with my daughter. I wouldn't want to date or marry someone who wanted me to be high-maintenance - they obviously wouldn't "get" me. I've gotten flak a couple of times from higher-maintenance friends, but most people seem to think I look fine.

I actually "got" the OP's post, though - she's mystified by how women can drop any pretense at looking stylish. Chances are, some if not most of these women were never all that stylish to begin with. The woman who wears a sweater with an appliqued kitty on it in her 40's was probably not taking her fashion cues from Vogue in her 20's. she was probably focused on other things. And if she *was* focused on her appearance, it's possible she only did so out of peer pressure, or to attract a husband. If those things are no longer priorities, then her looks may take a backseat to her kids, job, whatever.

For some people, looks (clothes, makeup, hair) just don't really matter. And that's probably a good thing, 'cause it seems like a lot of women maybe put too much importance into that stuff to the exclusion of other things. And some women may be doing it out of insecurity - the feeling that people won't like or admire them if they aren't always "done." I would be sad if I thought that my appearance was all that I had to offer, or the biggest part of the package.

That said, I do feel like people have an obligation to their spouse to keep some semblance of the figure they had when they met. By that I mean that if you gain 100 pounds, your spouse is probably within their rights to be less attracted to you. Sure, attraction isn't everything. But it is something. Sure, you don't have to go crazy maintaining that size 6 figure you had in your 20's, but it probably wouldn't hurt to keep eating healthy and get a little exercise, not only for your health, but for your partner as well.
[Post New]03/06/2009 14:56
Anonymous
I also think that gaining 100 pounds is a sign that something else is wrong. You can try argue they should love you no matter what size/shape you are but there's probably a bigger issue at hand.
[Post New]03/06/2009 15:23
Anonymous
"Is that you Jeff?"

No, it's me. Do you really think that Jeff would be hanging here?

This forum was my idea and I had to fight hard to get it. My idea is that it should be a place where women can come to rest and think about themselves and help each other out instead of worrying if they tucked Seymore in well enough last night and/or gave their husband's a good enough blow job.

You want to fight? We've got a political forum, a parenting forum --- lots of fighting -- have at it.

But this should be a safe place. Where women can talk about their flaws and get encouragement as to how to better themselves if they want to. Like I said, it's a place to rest.

[Post New]03/06/2009 16:32
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:"Is that you Jeff?"

No, it's me. Do you really think that Jeff would be hanging here?

This forum was my idea and I had to fight hard to get it. My idea is that it should be a place where women can come to rest and think about themselves and help each other out instead of worrying if they tucked Seymore in well enough last night and/or gave their husband's a good enough blow job.

You want to fight? We've got a political forum, a parenting forum --- lots of fighting -- have at it.

But this should be a safe place. Where women can talk about their flaws and get encouragement as to how to better themselves if they want to. Like I said, it's a place to rest.



Well, now, see, OP, this may be what she has going for her. When you have skills you can get away with a lot.
[Post New]03/06/2009 16:44
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:"Is that you Jeff?"

No, it's me. Do you really think that Jeff would be hanging here?

This forum was my idea and I had to fight hard to get it. My idea is that it should be a place where women can come to rest and think about themselves and help each other out instead of worrying if they tucked Seymore in well enough last night and/or gave their husband's a good enough blow job.

You want to fight? We've got a political forum, a parenting forum --- lots of fighting -- have at it.

But this should be a safe place. Where women can talk about their flaws and get encouragement as to how to better themselves if they want to. Like I said, it's a place to rest.



well, I thought Jeff created forums. I didn't see a sign crowning anyone founder of this forum. And if this is a place to rest why are you throwing your arms up asking if people wanna fight? Sheesh. Relax and take a joke.
[Post New]03/06/2009 16:44
zumbamama
Site Admin Offline
I won't judge you if you've let yourself go. I don't care if you've gained weight, cut your hair short or are wearing mom jeans up to your boobs....but I might give you a perplexed look if you go to the store with pink curlers in your hair and house slippers on your feet.
[Post New]03/06/2009 18:05
Anonymous
To reply to the OP,
1. I take care of myself because I love myself--not because I am afraid of losing my husband
2. In my community, some of the women who have "let themselves go" are the ones who can be counted on for any volunteer effort, are always willing to give and have incredible organizational abilities and energy levels. (which I am envious of!)
3. Their husbands seem to adore them.
4. They are not superficial and are great moms.

So there.
[Post New]03/06/2009 18:08
Anonymous
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well, I thought Jeff created forums. I didn't see a sign crowning anyone founder of this forum. And if this is a place to rest why are you throwing your arms up asking if people wanna fight? Sheesh. Relax and take a joke.


Ingrate.
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