If you let yourself go....

[Anonymous]

I clicked on this thread bc I was intrigued by the title; I am indeed a woman who has Let Herself Go. Although not in the way OP imagines -- do they even MAKE jeans that go up to your boobs anymore? Actually I think I saw a pair in an LL Bean catalogue.

I have simple long hair, minimal make up. I wear yoga pants a lot because they are more comfortable across my mid-section (which has not seen a crunch in 15 years, btw.) What else? oh, I wear Dansko clogs most days, short unpainted finger nails and the same pair of diamond studs every day. I LIVE IN MY HOODY COLLECTION.

My husband absolutely wishes I would appear more "done" when I'm out in public, and more feminine, as he puts it.

Now here's my response: I'm clean, I'm groomed, I'm healthy and in decent shape. I'm pretty happy and I'm good at just about everything I set out to do, seriously.

Most of all, I'm comfy in my own skin. I am sorry if you believe I should be wearing This Spring's Hot Colors when I'm not.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing that this is a troll post, which seems to focus more on not pleasing the woman's husband. If a woman has "let herself go" and isn't happpy with herself, that's sad. But if she is happy with herself, chances are that her husband is happy, too. Do women really worry about losing their husband because of their looks? Some how, I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

What's that Le Tigre lyric?

Oh yeah...

"Stop thief, you can't steal the way
I fuckin felt when I got up today.
Well I guess you're the judge.
I guess you're the king
of the forever beauty pageant I'm always in.
My heart beats blue, beats red, beats mad.
Is this the only power that you really wanna have?"

Some of us just don't care to be in the forever beauty pagent anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that this is a troll post, which seems to focus more on not pleasing the woman's husband. If a woman has "let herself go" and isn't happpy with herself, that's sad. But if she is happy with herself, chances are that her husband is happy, too. Do women really worry about losing their husband because of their looks? Some how, I doubt it.

OR she's "not" confident that her husband cares for anything more about her than her looks....and that can be a terrifying thought.

[Anonymous]

It's not so black-and-white. My husband loves me very much. He also likes thin women and is afraid of fat women. Maybe because his sister is fat, maybe because he is lanky, maybe because he is fit -- I do not know. He never says things to me about losing weight or exercise outright. He always tells me I look pretty. But the truth is that he likes me 20 pounds lighter, and he encourages me to try to lose it. It's not a question of whether he'll still love me. It's a matter of attraction and how much.

If I gained 200 pounds for no real reason, I'm confident my husband would leave me. He might still love me. But he would feel repulsed and betrayed.

If my husband put on 200 pounds, I'd probably leave him too. I'd still love him.

A lot of this is also conveying to your partner that you care about him/her enough to do these things. Gaining a bunch of weight is sort of like giving your partner the bird.

[Anonymous]

I'm in great shape, have a nice hairstyle, and wear stylish clothes, but I drive a mini-van. Oh no, I guess I have let myself go because I want a practical vehicle! Seriously, how would driving a Camry be any sexier?

[Anonymous]

Women have historically used their clothing as statements to the world because other means of communicating their opinions were limited. (BTW, there's a cool biography of Marie Antoinette that focuses on the public image she cultivated: "Queen of Fashion, What Marie Antoinette Wore to the Revolution" or something like that.) It's at least a time-honored idea that we look to a woman's personal appearance to read into it what she must want you to think she is like. Doesn't mean we can't read too much in...

That said, it's not reasonable to assume every woman CAN choose to invest or not invest in her appearance. Esp. in this downturn, I think we're gonna see a lot more roots and yoga pants (are those the same as sweats?) I'm thinking of a novel about WWII refugees in which one character in her 40s felt miserable because she couldn't afford to have her hair done or dress well, and noticed that her husband's eye started wandering, never mind that he was older and grayer.

I'm still fighting, though not as hard as I might if I had more money, time and energy. My mom gave up probably around 35, though, and anyone who judged her harshly for it should have been ashamed. She had little choice. She had never worked, having left college to get married. My father gave her NO money to care for herself as a control thing. Nothing. She was sometimes able to sneak a little from the grocery expenses, but he wasn't generous there, either, and I usually was the beneficiary of that sneaking. I remember she tried getting her hair done at a local beauty school for a while, did her own facials with lemon juice, mended/altered/made her own clothes and very carefully maintained the higher quality but no longer fashionable handbags and scarves she had from her own mother. She collected as many free cosmetics and perfume samples as she could get. I think I understood that she had shoplifted mascara once, too. Eventually, after beating cancer and another child (not beaten, of course), she gave up. Classmates sometimes teased me about my mother's appearance and crappy car (my father's was nicer). I felt like yelling to them that they had no idea, but never did.

Anyway, I hate Dansko clogs and sneakers as much as (maybe a little more than) the next gal, but you never know what's going on with another mother. Best to suspend judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women have historically used their clothing as statements to the world because other means of communicating their opinions were limited. (BTW, there's a cool biography of Marie Antoinette that focuses on the public image she cultivated: "Queen of Fashion, What Marie Antoinette Wore to the Revolution" or something like that.) It's at least a time-honored idea that we look to a woman's personal appearance to read into it what she must want you to think she is like. Doesn't mean we can't read too much in...

That said, it's not reasonable to assume every woman CAN choose to invest or not invest in her appearance. Esp. in this downturn, I think we're gonna see a lot more roots and yoga pants (are those the same as sweats?) I'm thinking of a novel about WWII refugees in which one character in her 40s felt miserable because she couldn't afford to have her hair done or dress well, and noticed that her husband's eye started wandering, never mind that he was older and grayer.

I'm still fighting, though not as hard as I might if I had more money, time and energy. My mom gave up probably around 35, though, and anyone who judged her harshly for it should have been ashamed. She had little choice. She had never worked, having left college to get married. My father gave her NO money to care for herself as a control thing. Nothing. She was sometimes able to sneak a little from the grocery expenses, but he wasn't generous there, either, and I usually was the beneficiary of that sneaking. I remember she tried getting her hair done at a local beauty school for a while, did her own facials with lemon juice, mended/altered/made her own clothes and very carefully maintained the higher quality but no longer fashionable handbags and scarves she had from her own mother. She collected as many free cosmetics and perfume samples as she could get. I think I understood that she had shoplifted mascara once, too. Eventually, after beating cancer and another child (not beaten, of course), she gave up. Classmates sometimes teased me about my mother's appearance and crappy car (my father's was nicer). I felt like yelling to them that they had no idea, but never did.

Anyway, I hate Dansko clogs and sneakers as much as (maybe a little more than) the next gal, but you never know what's going on with another mother. Best to suspend judgment.

great post. sorry about your mom,

[Anonymous]

OK, PP, its not about just one thing, like driving a mini-van. Lots of perfectly attractive and groomed women make that *horrible* choice. Its about the ENTIRE PACKAGE. Re-read OP's post, please. Also, if you are relatively trim, pretty and groomed, wearing yoga pants out an about on errands, is not a deal breaker, again its about the WHOLE PACKAGE. re-read orginal post, please.

If you are wondering if OP is talking about you, most likely she is not. You have not slid that far, yet. J.K.!!

So, think, really hard and you will get the picture. Yes, that one, the woman you see wayy wayy out in the distant 'burbs with short permed hair or no particular color or a really fried job, extremely lumpy figure encased in acid-washed high waisted jeans form 1985 and white Reeboks and some randon shirt or sweatshirt(ok, my own characature but pretty much what OP means...).

As for the husband piece, Whatever. Women who look like that are rarely married to a good looking model-of-manhood anyway. Most spouses match on the looks scale IMHO, (or the husband's wallet must make-up for his ) . Also, I want to feel good about MYSELF and when I get heavy or look sloppy or ungroomed, I don't. Easy enough.

[Anonymous]

She's tough like steel, and has the biggest heart you'll ever find. Just sayin' the letting herself go part was involuntary, so I'm prepared to assume that's the case for others as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in great shape, have a nice hairstyle, and wear stylish clothes, but I drive a mini-van. Oh no, I guess I have let myself go because I want a practical vehicle! Seriously, how would driving a Camry be any sexier?

Maybe I skipped some posts, but I doubt this was op's intent on the point of having let oneself go bc one is driving a mini-van.

[Anonymous]

"Maybe I skipped some posts, but I doubt this was op's intent on the point of having let oneself go bc one is driving a mini-van. "

No I think the minivan was intended as part of the package. There are a number of older moms out there who seem to have some insecurities about losing the hip city chick package. I'm older too but I see this fear in some of my friends.

[Anonymous]

Truly hip city chicks don't drive.

[Anonymous]

Jesus Christ. What a bunch of catty bitches some of you are. Life is not perpetually high school. Mocking someone because they don't consider reading cosmo magazine a religious experience is pretty f'ing shallow. Then to wonder about the strength of their marriage based on the same bullshit ideal is laughable. Truly genuine partnerships traverse any of this superficial nonsense and if your marriage is founded in your maintaining nothing more than an outward shell, well... I feel as sorry for you as you do for Mrs. 85' Acidwash.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone cares about being hip, queen bee. Or maybe it's wannabee?