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Extremely Jealous & Values
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Anonymous
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Hello -
As we are barely scraping by on a budget, I was curious if anyone has any recommendations of books or articles to read to help me with my own personal issue of JEALOUSY of other families that are very wealthy, who are not affected by this economic recession. Furthermore, as our kids get older, how do we instill VALUES in them so they will not be jealous of their schoolmates and/or friends, who's parents happen to have more money (huge house, fancy cars, private schools, housekeeper, nannies, etc,...) Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. |
Anonymous
| Can't help. I'm jealous, too. |
Anonymous
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Hi there,
i wish I could help you, but i feel the same way sometimes! We do okay, but it's very hard not to be envious of people who have more than we have, and seem to have an easier life sometimes. Just wanted to let you know you are not the only one. I guess one thing is fair to say is that your kids will know the value of hard work and of sticking to and keeping a budget, and of making sacrifices. I'm not saying wealthy people can't instill those values, because I believe they can, but some lessons are hard to reproduce unless you've lived them for a while. you seem like a good parent -- good luck. |
Anonymous
| I scrape by on a budget, too, but I'm not jealous of those who don't. I've made my decisions in life and so have they. Do you feel like you are on a tight budget through no fault of your own? I ask that because you mention wanting to instill values as your kids get older, as if you see this as being the way things will be from now on. I feel very proud of the values I have and how I live. However, I do not want to live this way forever. I am making choices now that make sense for my family now; I want to make more money in the future, not because I care about the things you list, but because I want financial security. (Personally, I would worry more about how people with big houses and huge, multiple cars instill values in their kids.) Sorry, no articles to recommend, but just my two cents to throw in. |
zumbamama
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Just reading the paper makes me thankful and blessed for what I have. I'll probably never own a brand new car or vacation in the South of France, but there are far more people in this world that don't even have food, shelter, or freedom even.
I think a great way to put things in perspective is to help people in need. Not just donating money, but to actually get involved with them. And though I don't know of any self-help books, the I Ching is all about detaching yourself from desire for material possessions. |
Anonymous
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this was a good thread:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/40162.page |
Anonymous
| Check out the lawywer thread on general parenting. Big salaries often come w/a big price. It is amazing what people will trade in life. |
Anonymous
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I can't think of any books or articles to read but I do know that having moved from Georgetown to a poor/working class neighborhood has changed my perspective on how much I have. I feel wealthy compared to many of my neighbors.
However, you can't (and probably don't want to) just up and move to another neighborhood but it might help if you volunteer somewhere with people who have less than you do. Good luck. It's perfectly understandable to have those feelings but it doesn't feel good and good for you for trying to shift your perspective. |
Anonymous
| I have money, a nanny, a housekeeper and can shop or go the spa if I want. Those things are easy - but happiness and real love or a sense of fullfillment is not. Focus on those things - they are the only things that can truly make you happy. I wish I was more in love with my husband, I wish I had a career or vocation I was passionate about, I wish I had a better relationship with my parents, I wish I felt better about myself......count your blessings if you have strong relationships and you love what you do.......Money does not buy happiness - in fact sometimes it takes it away. |
Anonymous
Excellent point PP. I grew up in a poor family and now am well off financially. But sometimes I look back at my childhood and feel that I'm not doing as well as my parents in many, more important ways. I'm trying very hard to correct that. |
Anonymous
This is a great post. |
Anonymous
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One of the most effective things you can do to improve your own life satisfaction is to give to others. All the studies show it. And that's not just because you see others who are worse off and thus compare yourself to them rather than your rich neighbors. I think more importantly, giving to others makes you see yourself as a good and giving person. Envy comes from the holes in our own sense of self-worth, so by giving to others, we raise our estimation of ourselves as good and worthy people.
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Anonymous
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Just happened upon this article after reading this thread:
http://www.usnews.com/articles/business/your-money/2009/02/10/5-ways-to-be-happy-in-a-recession.html?PageNr=1 |
Anonymous
| We have no money issues, but my youngest is terminally ill. My point being, cherish the health of your children and they will learn how to appreciate the important things in life. |
Anonymous
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Picking up on the post by our wise friend, Zumbamama, I think gratitude goes a long way towards off-setting the jealousy and creating happiness. It's less about seeing the downside in other people's choices (although the Law Firm discussion on the main board is an eye-opener), it's more about taking the time to notice and appreciate what you have.
There's a whole field out there focused on Positive Psychology -- the science of why people are happy and psychologically healthy, as opposed to mentally ill. It's top-tier stuff run out of UPenn. And one of the keys that researchers keep coming back to is gratitude. According to their studies, happy people consciously identify the good things in their lives and revel in what they're grateful for. They literally "count their blessings". This is an amazing exercise/habit to share with your children. At any age, it can be a dinnertime conversation or a bed time ritual to share one or two "Good Things" that happened today, or one or two things they (and you!!) are grateful for. It's especially important that you participate, too. It'll help you feel less jealous of others, and it will set a great example for your children. Here's an interesting article about gratitude practices and Positive Psychology more generally: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/12/30/CM95TK0I2.DTL (And for more you can always Google gratitude, happiness, positive psychology) |