Extremely Jealous & Values

[Anonymous]

I grew up with very little and it made me strive for more and now I have just about everything I ever wanted. Probably modest compared to others in this area. But my background and childhood makes me appreciate every bit of it and I too, am striving to instill appreciation and values in my son. He's travelled more than I did by the time I was 30 and he is 3. We volunteer as a family and also we give generous donations to those in need. I am on a board related to volunteerism and I am striving to empower others in my community through that.

No matter where you are on the economic scale--there are people much better off than you and people much worse off.

It was hard being so tight with money in my younger days. I hated it so much that I went to grad school at night while working fulltime for 3 years. It was a major sacrifice. I then got a new job paying triple my old salary and my husband did something similar. Suddenly, our incomes were very substaintial and we had more money than I ever imagined. (Still not a ton for this area, but what can I say). We didn't go crazy, we save a ton of it for the future. We bought a modest house based on what we could afford, we have two paid off cars and zero debt. But we both value travel and we spend about 10K a year on vacations.

But if you want more in life financially, than consider ways to get what you seek. You can do this without sacrificing too much. I work 4 days a week at job I love. I love my co-workers and the work is interesting.

I always tell myself that this life is not a dress rehearsal, we don't have a do over, if you are unhappy with something in your life, consider change.

[Anonymous]

You should try to remember that you probably live better than 99% of the people on this planet. Simply living in the US makes you one of the richest people in the world, with more opportunities than you can imagine. Seriously, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Take a look around the world and recognize how lucky you are. Get on the web and learn about other places and teach your kids about other places -they will soon see how most of the world lives.

[Anonymous]

You might be interested in the voluntary simplicity movement. There is a book ("Voluntary Simplicity" by Duane Elgin) written in the 1970s and revised in the 1990s. Of you can just google "simplicity movement" or "voluntary simplicity."

If you look that up on amazon you'll find related books:

"Affluenza" by John de Graaf
"Your Money of Your Life" by Joe Dominguez

I don't think VALUES prevent people from being jealous. I think a fulfilling life--focusing on family and friends, helping others, finding meaningful work and hobbies--will do the most toward preventing jealousy. That's not to say that I wouldn't like more money, for example, but I feel good about my choices in life. I remind myself that I've chosen a lower-income lifestyle that allows me more family time. I'm sure if I were poor because of external circumstances it would be harder to accept...

Perhaps you'd also be interested in reading a bit on Buddhism, also? Two of the four noble truths of Buddhism are that suffering is caused by craving or attachments, and that suffering ends when craving ends.

[Anonymous]

I consider my family to be well off. My husband has never been frivolous, always saving for a rainy day. We live in a small house, but we treat it like it was a castle. What makes us most happy are not the yearly vacations, eating out, but the time we spend together as a family. My husband was laid off last April and he's now embarking a new career path, instead of working part-time, I'm working full time. We've had to make adjustments but we're happy. If by some chance we lost our home, we still would have each other and would be happy living in a studio apartment, because we love each other so much. Love is what's most important.

Keep in mind to OP-just because someone appears to have it all, they may not. They may be in hock up to their eyeballs and everything they have is for show. They may be just getting by, barely making their mortgage payments. This is American!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Keep in mind to OP-just because someone appears to have it all, they may not. They may be in hock up to their eyeballs and everything they have is for show. They may be just getting by, barely making their mortgage payments. This is American!

ITA! I remember it was a real eye-opener for me when shopping for a new home in another city known for putting all its emphasis on outward appearances. I can't tell you how many homes I walked into that were gorgeous on the outside and had little to no furnishings inside. At least half were like this! You simply can't judge what's going on underneath by what you see on the outside.

I think one important thing you could do (and the kids too) is to make a daily list of 10 things you're grateful for. It can be anything, but it helps put things in perspective. My husband is constantly upset over what other people have vs. what he has. I can't stand listening to him whine about it - - I don't dwell on feeling like life has to be "fair" the way he does. My mom told me repeatedly 1) life isn't fair and 2) there will always be someone richer, smarter, or prettier than you and its corollary 2a) you are richer, smarter, prettier than others as well.

If you want to instill gratitude in your kids, don't buy them everything they want. Better yet, give them a small allowance or allow them to earn extra money for extra chores. The next time they ask for that new toy or those designer jeans, ask them if they want it badly enough to pay for it. I remember my mom taught me to budget by telling me I had $200 for back to school clothes (or whatever it was...) I could splurge on a few designer things or I could budget shop, or I could save my money and pay the difference.

I hated it at the time (not fair, Mom!!) but it was one of the best things she ever did for me!

[Anonymous]

One thing that's helped me reign in jealousy is something I read in a fortune cookie --
be grateful for the things that you don't have that you don't want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have money, a nanny, a housekeeper and can shop or go the spa if I want. Those things are easy - but happiness and real love or a sense of fullfillment is not. Focus on those things - they are the only things that can truly make you happy. I wish I was more in love with my husband, I wish I had a career or vocation I was passionate about, I wish I had a better relationship with my parents, I wish I felt better about myself......count your blessings if you have strong relationships and you love what you do.......Money does not buy happiness - in fact sometimes it takes it away.

This is the very best post that I have read. Period.