My child is so destructive
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Anonymous
Except none of that works when the child loses their winter coat or boots - you have to replace them! I agree with the PP who said that there should be consequences beyond just not replacing items that don't need to be replaced (like toys) as well as those that have to be replaced (like uniforms, boots, coats). |
Anonymous
Another bitch. |
Anonymous
Ha ha ha ha. OP, sorry to be blunt here but it's your fault. Many 5 year olds are not mature or coordinated enough to manipulate delicate or flimsy items. There is a wide range of normal at that age, so just because you see other 5 years olds playing quietly with iPads doesn't mean that yours won't inadvertently leave it on the floor then a little while later step on it. Just an example. With a wrecker, you have to stick with sturdy, age-appropriate toys and enforce rules consistently. Allow more delicate material only under your direct supervision, which means holding the item in your hand while you make eye contact and explain the rules, then taking away the toy again as soon as your rules get broken. I agree with PPs about lots of exercise. Physically tired kids don't wreak as much havoc in the house. And if you suspect ADHD or another disorder, check with your ped. |
Anonymous
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sorry that your child is so rough and/or careless w/ everything. i do agree though that you need to try and put a stop to this type of behavior. my younger brother was very much like that. example, he broke the screen of his $100 game boy when he was in middle school. it doesn't sound like much but this was $100 over 25 yrs ago. he also left a pen in his back pocket of some expensive jeans and ruined them when the ink spilled out. point is that my mom just replaced these items. he grew up not learning to take care of this belongings and had a very blase attitude towards them. it did not serve him well when he grew up later and couldn't be responsible. i'm not saying your daughter will end up this way. i just know that if he had suffered some consequences earlier in life w/r/t his belongings he probably would have treated them differently.
good luck. |
Anonymous
| I cannot believe that there are idiots here who advocate that when a toy is broken (deliberately) you just buy a more sturdy one. If a winter coat is lost, you just move on seamlessly and buy another one. There's a reason that too many American children are spoilt, over-entitled, bratty, disrespectful nightmares. And there's a reason why loads of American children are responsible, respectful, caring, appreciative people who are a joy to be around. It's about consequences, defining who is charge and actually parenting instead of misguidedly trying to be a 5 year old's BFF |
Anonymous
+1. This, with the caveat that if whatever it is must be replaced for a health or safety reason (think things like broken eyeglasses or lost winter coat) then it will be replaced but she will repay you for the cost of the item in either money or time (i.e. chores). |
Anonymous
You also replace them with cheaper stuff. We have a cheap coat for school and a more expensive one that I can monitor for home (we have a 5 year old). We've had very few things damaged and most of it is more of a quality issue. If our kid looks in any way like it might break/not using it appropriately, one warning and it gets put away. |
NOVATransplant
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If she routinely destroys things like electronics, toys, etc, it's clear she doesn't CARE about them. So why would you replace what she doesn't care about. Buy age appropriate toys that you won't lose sleep over when she breaks it. DON'T replace things unless its a matter of health/safety, like the aforementioned winter coat, boots, that sort of thing.
Continually swooping in and "rescuing" a child at this age is going to make for one unmanageable human being as she grows up. And then she get released onto unsuspecting public, like her teachers, coaches, peers and parents of those peers! Keep it up and your child will be the one that no one wants to invite over, LOL |
Anonymous
To some extent, yes. But a 5 year old is still a child and still needs to be taught. A 5 year old is also quite often with an adult. How is a 5 year old losing boots and a coat so often? My child lost 1 pair of shoes around that age. We attempted to find them, and I replaced them when we couldn't find them. However, after that, when we were in a similar situation, I'd say "do you have everything? Shoes? Swim bag? Water bottle? Did you check the locker you used to make sure it's empty?" and the first several times we actually went back and checked the locker, and did a quick check of the swim bag to make sure everything was in it. After I helped her build the habit of checking, I stopped reminding her every time and just did so every few times. And slowly I didn't remind her at all. If she had lost a coat and boots, I'd have done the same thing. When picking her up from a friend's house or school, teach her how to create a mental check list that she can go through to make sure she's taking home everything that she brought with her. Teaching her to put things in the same place, every time, so that they're easier to keep track of. If a child's hard on her toys, she's hard on her toys - sometimes children's play is physical; as long as she's not being purposefully destructive I wouldn't worry about it much. If she's hard on electronics, you establish rules like only allowing her to play with the electronics while she's sitting on the coach. If she's losing her clothing you help her develop habits so that she's not losing her clothing. |
Anonymous
| Thanks for all th suggestions. She had to have 2 winter coats replaced because she broke the zippers but sweaters weren't. She broke her child-friendly electronics when I wasn't around. My iPad she only uses under my supervision and for short periods of time. Her toys I don't replace. I love the idea of her buying back the items trough chores. Great suggestion! Thanks |
Anonymous
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My kid was just like yours. She's 12 now and got diagnosed with ADHD. Now her behavior makes sense. She's still clumsy and breaks stuff. But now we know why and it doesn't drive me as crazy as it did. She has gotten a bit better as she has gotten older.
The biggest realization we had with this ADHD diagnosis was that we were punishing her and she didn't even know why she was being punished. It has been so humbling to realize that here were just so many things that she couldn't control. There's just so much behavior modification that you can do. |
Anonymous
Bingo. Us, too. |
Anonymous
+2 OP - are there any other signs that she might have ADHD? |
Anonymous
That was completely unnecessary and uncalled for.... 
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Anonymous
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Not sure if this applies, but our DS, who is 6, is very tall and has big feet and hands (like a young puppy who needs to grow into his body.)
He is clumsy and just needs to be calmly reminded to slow down, and do things step by step and in an orderly fashion rather than rushing and trying to do multiple things at once. He does break things, but it is accidental, not destructive. He has been in OT which helped. |