Looking for anonymous feedback from bad neighbor interaction

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06/18/2012 15:08

Subject: Looking for anonymous feedback from bad neighbor interaction

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

14:31 - yes, I actually went over to a neighbor's house for a cookout later that day - we have discussed the problems in that house before (their dog's barking 24/7, not the child) and our concern about the conditions. I told them what happened and they said that they had never seen physical abuse, but have seen or heard the kids get screamed at a number of times. They also did not feel like it was enough to call CPS, but also agreed that things were probably pretty bad. Mostly, they were sad to hear things happened that way but expressed extreme concern that we all avoid that woman, as she could be seriously dangerous.

To those telling me to grow a pair - I have no shame and no qualms that I would not ever put myself in a position to confront her physically. I would never yell back at her. The people in that house could EASILY hurt me and I would have no chance. I really believe I would end up in a hospital.

I didn't call the police on her because I didn't want things to escalate and I was feeling pretty shocked and freaked out - and also questioning whether I was putting my own values on someone else and in the wrong myself (I no longer feel that way, but it was a concern).

Look, I had a neighbor who got switched as a kid. It was more normal back then. I had a friend who got the belt. I got spanked myself. Some parents still retain these parenting tactics and while I do NOT agree with them, and am frankly horrified by them, I was feeling - as you could see by my original post - like maybe I shouldn't have interfered with a parent who still uses switches as a discipline tactic.

Let me make one thing very clear. I thought how she was dealing with her child was horrific. But my god, you do not go up to a woman who could CLEARLY beat you to next Tuesday and start yelling at her when she's in a rage. That is an easy way to get hurt or killed. Especially not when you are home alone with your child.

At the time, I simply felt I needed to shield my child from seeing what was going on. I agree that the police were warranted, but I was in shock and having a lot of doubts. If it happens again, this is helpful in arming me to call the police at that time.

I want to make clear though, that confronting someone who could do serious physical harm to you is not a responsible or smart course of action.

Dude, OP.

If she was this terrifying, and standing outside your door screaming and cursing at you, you should have called the police. You are obviously terrified of this woman, and so what did you do: smiled at her sheepishly later on, spoke to her husband, and came onto the Internet to ask us how you should best proceed to mend your relationship?

Totally have to agree with the PP who recommended for you to read The Gift of Fear. The kids in that house have it bad, but as someone who grew up with a mother who is incredibly kind but has poor, poor judgment when it comes to people and believes that if she just is extremely submissive and nice to people, no harm will come to her, I want to tell you that you may also be creating huge problems for your own child by continuing this kind of behavioral pattern: essentially, allowing someone to threaten you great harm and then apologizing to them. This is typical victim behavior, and you clearly do not want to be a victim.

I think it's pretty clear that there is something serious going on it that house-- mental illness? drugs?-- and I don't know why you would do ANYTHING to get yourself more involved: smiling, saying hi, whatever. You call the police if they threaten you or your family in ANY way, and you call CPS when it has to do with their own children. You are clearly terrified of them knowing it's you, and taking revenge upon you, so it's best to keep a record with the police starting NOW of anything they do that threatens you. Seriously. And examine whatever issues you have that cause you to seek approval from people who scare the shit out of you in a misguided attempt to protect yourself.