Looking for anonymous feedback from bad neighbor interaction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:07, this is OP.

I promise you that if I had tried to intervene, alone with my toddler son, I would have been at risk for serious physical injury if not worse.

And really, I just think you need more than a threat to call CPS.

Actually, OP, you don't. You need suspicion that a child may be harmed, which you abundantly have in this case. Call CPS, today, and make a report. She was getting a stick to "beat" (her words) her toddler? What else do you need?

Also, get The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker and read it, asap. Will help you better recognize truly violent behavior (as this mom was exhibiting), how to handle it, and the consequences that can happen when you don't.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm going to disagree with all the people trying to make you feel better and say that yes, you are very much in the wrong. You watched a mother push her son down the stairs. You heard him beg not to be left with her. You saw her pick up a stick to hit him with. And you watched him go limp with fear.

And what did you do? Clutch your pearls, take your own kids inside and close the door. So at least someone that afternoon stayed safe. But obviously not the little boy next door. What exactly do you think happened to him after his mom dragged him back inside? Do you think she fixed him a sandwich and turned on "The Backyardigans"? Or do you think she beat the shit out of him some more?

You saw a child being assaulted -- so violently that you, an adult, were afraid -- and you stood by. He asked for help and you decided he could be someone else's problem. All you had to do was pick up the phone and call 911, and you instead found better things to do.

I hope you're not in my neighborhood. Because that means A) there's a little boy close by who can't trust the one person who's supposed to be his safe haven and B) someone I likely thought was a good person is actually going to just turn the radio up the next time she hears screaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to quickly say that I actually don't think that screaming and threatening your child is enough for CPS. I never saw her hit him, but I did see her grab him by the elbow and drag him inside the house, and I'm just not sure it's enough for CPS. And in terms of calling the police... well, I think that would have just escalated things more. The cops would not have arrested her and I am not willing to press charges over that (it would be a bad court scene).

I want to say that if I EVER saw physical abuse that seemed like it was beyond spanking, I would CERTAINLY call the police IMMEDIATELY.

OP please do not prove yourself crazier than she is -- call CPS!
You should have called the police when she came screaming at your door!
If she treats the child like that in public -- WTH do u think she does to him in private!
Emotional abuse does warrant CPS -- TRUST ME!

[Anonymous]

OP here.

14:31 - yes, I actually went over to a neighbor's house for a cookout later that day - we have discussed the problems in that house before (their dog's barking 24/7, not the child) and our concern about the conditions. I told them what happened and they said that they had never seen physical abuse, but have seen or heard the kids get screamed at a number of times. They also did not feel like it was enough to call CPS, but also agreed that things were probably pretty bad. Mostly, they were sad to hear things happened that way but expressed extreme concern that we all avoid that woman, as she could be seriously dangerous.

To those telling me to grow a pair - I have no shame and no qualms that I would not ever put myself in a position to confront her physically. I would never yell back at her. The people in that house could EASILY hurt me and I would have no chance. I really believe I would end up in a hospital.

I didn't call the police on her because I didn't want things to escalate and I was feeling pretty shocked and freaked out - and also questioning whether I was putting my own values on someone else and in the wrong myself (I no longer feel that way, but it was a concern).

Look, I had a neighbor who got switched as a kid. It was more normal back then. I had a friend who got the belt. I got spanked myself. Some parents still retain these parenting tactics and while I do NOT agree with them, and am frankly horrified by them, I was feeling - as you could see by my original post - like maybe I shouldn't have interfered with a parent who still uses switches as a discipline tactic.

Let me make one thing very clear. I thought how she was dealing with her child was horrific. But my god, you do not go up to a woman who could CLEARLY beat you to next Tuesday and start yelling at her when she's in a rage. That is an easy way to get hurt or killed. Especially not when you are home alone with your child.

At the time, I simply felt I needed to shield my child from seeing what was going on. I agree that the police were warranted, but I was in shock and having a lot of doubts. If it happens again, this is helpful in arming me to call the police at that time.

I want to make clear though, that confronting someone who could do serious physical harm to you is not a responsible or smart course of action.

[Anonymous]

op, just call CPS. If you don't have enough for a complaint they will tell you. They will also tell you what to watch for. What you saw is definitely abuse...I can't believe you are still thinking this over.

[Anonymous]

14:47 She never once hit him with her stick.

[Anonymous]

Do not apologize. Are you serious? You think you did something wrong here? Call CPS and the police.

[Anonymous]

OP:

Tough situation. You said you are not a physical fighter and the woman sized you up and realized that after the first "What are you looking at?” That’s the reason why she was aggressive with you. My problem is that I grew up in the South side of Chicago and my response would have been something like “I am LOOKING at your loony toon a$$ and deciding whether to call the cops.” If she had walked up to my front door, she would have gotten a nice friendly “Get off my porch before I fvck you up!”

My point is that there is NO need for you to be nice to these people. Protect the child. It may too late to call the cops for that incident but call CPS and have them come out and check out the situation. Personally, her picking up the stick would have done it for me.

GL

[Anonymous]

OP here. I just spoke with my husband. We're going to discuss calling CPS tonight. He wants me to wait until I speak with him, which I think is best.

Thank you for your thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Contact the local school that the child attends. Tell them that you are a concerned parent worried about possibly physical and/or emotional abuse. Ask to remain anonymous.

[Anonymous]

where do you live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just spoke with my husband. We're going to discuss calling CPS tonight. He wants me to wait until I speak with him, which I think is best.

Thank you for your thoughts.

Sure, who knows if while we've been debating it he's been beaten more. Wait all you want.....

[Anonymous]

OP -- bottom line -- you are a PUNK!
I understand being scared in the moment -- no one said try to beat the woman's behind.
But the fact remains...but now in the safety of your own house...you are still more concerned about this crazy b****'s reaction down the road than protecting those kids.
Calling CPS is something you and hubby have to discuss?
FOR REAL???
Man up and call CPS!

[Anonymous]

OP, almost no one told you to confront this woman yourself. Don't hide behind that as an excuse not to act now. It makes sense to discuss this issue with your husband before making the call, but only in terms of how to report, not whether to report.

You're making a hell of a lot of excuses for your failure to act. I (and most people) aren't criticizing you for protecting your child, or not confronting your neighbor. But we are criticizing you for your seeming inability to grasp the severity of the violence you witnessed and your culpability in remaining silent. Because you know what? For all the violence you saw, it's likely things inside that house are much worse. Those children didn't ask for this, and they need help.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are AWFUL. Look at you backtracking, just CALL CPS.