Looking for anonymous feedback from bad neighbor interaction

[FBO]

Food for though - whats worse?

1. I hit my kid open palm and beat them until they cry - but leave NO mark.

or

2. I grab my kid by the elbow and drag him inside - and come to find out I ripped tendons, and left massive bruising on his arm.

Abuse does not always have to be a 'hit'. Both scenarios above are exactly the same.

[Anonymous]

You don't have anything to apologize for. From your description of their behavior, you would never have been friends with them anyway. They obviously seem like the type that will become hostile and argumentative in any number of situations. She should apologize to you. I wonder if they are renting and if it would be possible to report their behavior to their landlord. The best thing you can hope for is that they move out soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Its really beyond me why you would wish them a happy father's day.

Agree completely.

And, why in the world was their dog on your lawn? That would drive me nuts if I had a small child. At the very least, I'd be calling animal control. They obviously don't care much about the dog either.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thanks for all the reaffirmations. I guess to be honest I felt like it just wasn't my business and that I was really pushing my own values on others, and so was at fault. But it sounds like really, she's just really messed up and I need to not let that reflect on me. Thanks.

13:59, seriously, I would be concerned that a comment like that would land me in the hospital. I'm not a physical fighter.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how you messed up. If someone - anyone - stood outside my front door yelling obscenities for 5 minutes I would have called 911.

My DH had an abusive childhood, but the kind without actual hitting. How his life would have been different if someone had taken a moment and tried to help him. Please call CPS. If screaming and threatening isn't enough for them let them tell you that. It's not something you should assume.

[FBO]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thanks for all the reaffirmations. I guess to be honest I felt like it just wasn't my business and that I was really pushing my own values on others, and so was at fault. But it sounds like really, she's just really messed up and I need to not let that reflect on me. Thanks.

13:59, seriously, I would be concerned that a comment like that would land me in the hospital. I'm not a physical fighter.

Dont let others actions question your own personal resolve. Fight for what you believe to be right.

[Anonymous]

I would have immediately called the police. What she was doing was wrong on many levels. Threatening you in front of your kids was a big no no! You had every right to call the police, they will decide whether or not to call CPS. They won't be living next to you forever OP, you don't owe them anything, if she wants to threaten you then you need to call the police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, do not go apologize. You did nothing wrong. You reacted with a pretty reasonable level of shock at a woman abusing her child.

The abuse of her child warrants a call to CPS.

That she came screaming at your door just for noticing what was going on and taking your child inside so he didn't have to witness it? Yeah, that deserved a call to the cops right then. I might call the cops on a non-emergency line to ask what to do if it happens again. You should not live in fear of physical assault from your neighbors.

Agree with this. What do you think you did 'wrong', OP? Sounds like the neighbor is insecure about the way she's handling things, and you have nothing to apologize about. She sounds a bit crazy and I feel bad for her kids.

Well, for starters:

The aunt was explaining that she had to go to work and the mother came out and screamed again at him to get his ass back in the house before she beat it again. The aunt placed him on the ground and the boy went limp beside the bicycle. The mother came down and said she would count to 5. The boy did not respond. She counted to 5 and got a stick out of the road.

So, OP, saw her neighbor rooting around for a stick with which to beat her toddler son *again* - and skedaddled inside. Jesus, lady. If your last name McQueary, by any chance?

[Anonymous]

Ugh, OP, so sorry. For your experience but mostly for those little boys. There is a family that lives across the street from us with lots of little kids. Both the mother and grandmother scream profanities at the kids frequently, grab and manhandle them to drag them inside if they're not moving quickly enough or whatever, etc. I've never seen more than that (i.e. a push down the stairs or a full on punch) but I'd be surprised if there is not more violent inside. It breaks my heart. If I ever see them cross the line, I will definitely call the police or CPS. Until then, I just cringe and pray that it's not worse than what we on the outside see.

In your circumstance, the push down the stairs strikes me as cause to call CPS or the police. That's battery / child abuse, IMO. Her threatening you is also probably relevant, though I'm not sure it's actionable.

Having dealt with this sort of thing in the past w/ neighbors, where things have escalated over the years, I've learned in hindsight that the best thing possible is to have as much of a record (complaints with the police and CPS) as possible. The more evidence there is -- even if not actual charges -- in the record, the more likely the authorities may be to act (i.e. remove/help the child/find alternatives) if matters do escalate and become actionable down the line.

GL.

[Anonymous]

FBO wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thanks for all the reaffirmations. I guess to be honest I felt like it just wasn't my business and that I was really pushing my own values on others, and so was at fault. But it sounds like really, she's just really messed up and I need to not let that reflect on me. Thanks.

13:59, seriously, I would be concerned that a comment like that would land me in the hospital. I'm not a physical fighter.

Dont let others actions question your own personal resolve. Fight for what you believe to be right.

You are at fault, we are all at fault, if we just go back inside and mind our own business. I am serious.

[Anonymous]

keep a camera ready and the next time she goes on a tirade, and she will, start recording it. That way you have something to show the police. Also write down the dates and times on a calendar, so you have a record of the abuse. If you see or hear anything that sounds like a child is being physically abused, please do not hesitate to call the police. The only call you will regret is the one you don't make. The police are trained to spot child abuse, and if there is nothing wrong, the neighbors will not get in trouble. Start thinking about those kids and please don't wish them happy anything. I am sorry this happened to you, but this is a reality for many kids. The more aggressive we respond to it, the more lives that may be saved.

[Anonymous]

14:07, this is OP.

I promise you that if I had tried to intervene, alone with my toddler son, I would have been at risk for serious physical injury if not worse.

And really, I just think you need more than a threat to call CPS.

[Anonymous]

Op here why are you being so nice and wanting to have a cordial relationship...this family sounds crazy. I would NEVER yell at my child in an abusive way in my front lawn. EVER. I'd be to embarassed to take our crap to the lawn. She might get yelled at on RARE occassions but it would be in my own home. My child is only 3 and she hasn't done anything to warrant me to react badly. BUT if I saw another parent doing anything like what you described, I would be alarmed b/c I don't think it's normal and I would call someone to investigate. It doesn't matter if nothing comes of it. What if the child opens up to them and something does come of it. Normal parents don't lose their cool like that and you did nothing wrong for her to have screamed at you. She was creating a spectacle and so of course ppl will stare! I would be staring and calling the cops privately.

[Anonymous]

Can you post her address, so I can have a little talk with her? Just kidding.

[Anonymous]

Op here why are you being so nice and wanting to have a cordial relationship...this family sounds crazy. I would NEVER yell at my child in an abusive way in my front lawn. EVER. I'd be to embarassed to take our crap to the lawn. She might get yelled at on RARE occassions but it would be in my own home. My child is only 3 and she hasn't done anything to warrant me to react badly. BUT if I saw another parent doing anything like what you described, I would be alarmed b/c I don't think it's normal and I would call someone to investigate. It doesn't matter if nothing comes of it. What if the child opens up to them and something does come of it. Normal parents don't lose their cool like that and you did nothing wrong for her to have screamed at you. She was creating a spectacle and so of course ppl will stare! I would be staring and calling the cops privately.