Looking for anonymous feedback from bad neighbor interaction

Anonymous
So I had a terrible interaction with a neighbor and I'm feeling really torn about it. I'll explain what happened, then how I'm feeling. I'd like to hear what you're thinking about what to do now.

We had an elderly grandmother who lived two doors down. She passed and the house became occupied with a number of younger family members and their children. We have been generally cordial, but mostly there's been no communication one way or another (they aren't very open or social people and generally do not respond to our hellos).

We had our slip n slide and pool out in the front yard and my toddler son was playing on it. The mom, aunt, father (?) and two young boys - preschool and toddler aged - came out. The aunt said she would take the boys on a bike ride. She put the older one on the handle bars and rode off with him. The younger started crying for his brother and the mom started to scream profanities at the top of her lungs at him and drug him into the house. The aunt came back and called into the house to see if the littlest boy wanted a ride. The woman came out and shoved the boy down the stairs, where he fell to the ground, and was shaking and sobbing. She again screamed (SCREAMED LOUD) profanities at him. The aunt swiftly scooped him up and rode him off, while trying to soothe him. They came back and stopped in the space between my house and our next door neighbor's house (the one between ours) and he was crying that he didn't want to be left with his mother. The aunt was explaining that she had to go to work and the mother came out and screamed again at him to get his ass back in the house before she beat it again. The aunt placed him on the ground and the boy went limp beside the bicycle. The mother came down and said she would count to 5. The boy did not respond. She counted to 5 and got a stick out of the road. At this point, I had already turned off the music and the water and was gathering up my son to take him inside, but also staring at them, terrified.

At this point, the mother looked at me and started yelling what are you looking at. I stated "I'm just taking my son inside" and she started yelling about how I need to mind my own business, and how if she wanted to beat her son's ass, I better stay out of it, but then she started saying things like "if you have a problem, I'll come in there and tear your ass up."

I did not respond to anything, but the second she started yelling, I turned and walked inside. She remained at my door screaming for a few more minutes, and then went back into her house. I came out and cleaned up and went back inside without seeing her again.

On one hand, I feel really bad for creating a problem with my neighbor, and feeling embarrassed that I violated the sacred rule of MYOB. While I do not use spanking or switching, I know lots of parents do this and it's not my business. On the other, I felt it was deeply shocking right in front of my house and I was right to be appalled and she handled it terribly and should not have done what she did.

I saw her later and waved and looked very apologetic she rolled her eyes and stormed off. I saw her significant other and wished him a happy father's day and he mumbled something but then glared at my husband when my husband asked if their dog, who was in our yard, should be returned or if they wanted to take him with them (they were walking off) and they refused to respond.

I don't think it would go over well if I went and apologized. Honestly, I'm kind of scared she would physically assault me. But I don't want to have animosity with any neighbor. My thought is to just let it go and accept that they have problems, I messed up, and it's pretty much ruined. I wish I could somehow smooth things over, but it's hard. Any thoughts?
Anonymous
OP here - I guess I should just quickly clarify that their dog is a min pin and climbs through fence posts - so he comes into our yard generally whenever our dog is outside too to sniff and play. It has only happened a couple times. Usually the dog just runs back over when they call.
Anonymous
No, do not go apologize. You did nothing wrong. You reacted with a pretty reasonable level of shock at a woman abusing her child.

The abuse of her child warrants a call to CPS.

That she came screaming at your door just for noticing what was going on and taking your child inside so he didn't have to witness it? Yeah, that deserved a call to the cops right then. I might call the cops on a non-emergency line to ask what to do if it happens again. You should not live in fear of physical assault from your neighbors.
FBO
Member Location: NoVA
Offline
Stick with your convictions and DO NOT let her shake you. You felt that what she was doing was wrong so dont pretend to her like it did not bother you.

My personal sloution would be to simply make sure I was open carrying anytime I was around those individuals but that may not work for you.

If she wants to make it an issue, then the next time she threatens you, call the cops and CPS and MAKE IT AN ISSUE.



Anonymous
What you witnessed was physical and emotional child abuse. What she did to you was threatening. Your "mess up" was not in not MYOB, but in not calling the authorities to report how this woman was acting. If this is how she treats her children in public, imagine what they endure behind closed doors.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:No, do not go apologize. You did nothing wrong. You reacted with a pretty reasonable level of shock at a woman abusing her child.

The abuse of her child warrants a call to CPS.

That she came screaming at your door just for noticing what was going on and taking your child inside so he didn't have to witness it? Yeah, that deserved a call to the cops right then. I might call the cops on a non-emergency line to ask what to do if it happens again. You should not live in fear of physical assault from your neighbors.


Agree with this. What do you think you did 'wrong', OP? Sounds like the neighbor is insecure about the way she's handling things, and you have nothing to apologize about. She sounds a bit crazy and I feel bad for her kids.
Anonymous
Holy shit.

You need to call the police. SOmeone needs to stand up for the children. Gather the neighbors and agree that you need to stand up for the children and give them a safety net. Please, please, please, please, please, I beg of you.
Anonymous
I'm not clear on how you caused any problems. What are you apologizing for? The incident with the dog pales in comparison to her tirade. She should be apologizing to you and hoping you don't call CPS after witnessing her preparing to hit her child.

If it were me, I'd be thinking very, very seriously about calling CPS and making an anonymous report. This isn't about you, it's about them and their obvious dysfunction.
Anonymous
I don't see how you created a problem for your neighbor, OP - you were in your own yard minding your own business when she started screaming at and hitting her own child. The fact that she came over to your house and screamed through your door for a few minutes tells me that isn't someone you want to engage with. I don't know what you think you have to apologize for, but steer clear.
Anonymous
OP here. I want to quickly say that I actually don't think that screaming and threatening your child is enough for CPS. I never saw her hit him, but I did see her grab him by the elbow and drag him inside the house, and I'm just not sure it's enough for CPS. And in terms of calling the police... well, I think that would have just escalated things more. The cops would not have arrested her and I am not willing to press charges over that (it would be a bad court scene).

I want to say that if I EVER saw physical abuse that seemed like it was beyond spanking, I would CERTAINLY call the police IMMEDIATELY.
FBO
Member Location: NoVA
Offline
Good replies here. Please take them to heart OP!
Anonymous
I think it's your duty to the poor child to call CPS. It's the right thing to do
Anonymous
Given that this child is clearly afraid of his mother and the ridiculous behavior on her part (and likely quite abusive) I would place a call to CPS. If you even suspect abuse, it is worth the call. It is their job to investigate. Even if they don't find abuse, the report is there in case there are other reports that come in from other sources (like putting a puzzle together). And if she threatens you again, I would call the police.
Anonymous
Its like talking to your kid -- speak in the language that they can understand.

Tell that bitch that she best step off, or you will beat her ass, or call CPS, or maybe both. And to keep their dog off your lawn, if they don't want his ass beat as well.

Its really beyond me why you would wish them a happy father's day.
Anonymous
You are far too worried about getting along with these neighbors. You are NOT going to get along with them based on what you described. That child is being beaten and terrorized. Call CPS for Christ's sake and have them come and check it out. This doesnt read like a MYOB scenario to me. This sounds like abuse. But let them come make that call between the two.
We have neighbors similar to this a few doors down. They have told me to mind my own business when I look their way as they are in the middle of various profanities, violence beating each other against the sidewalk, screaming at the top of their lungs, smoking pot, an overdose RIGHT in front of my house, you name it. Just for looking their way they will act like I am super nosy. I have three kids who witness this bullshit. I have responded to them only that they need to keep their business IN their house if they dont want people to see or react. We DONT get along because of this. I am FINE with it. If I ever saw them beating a young child I would call CPS immediately. So far I have only seen drug overdoses with cops already here and adults beating on each other with small children watching. It is a sad situation for sure but:
1. the police are already aware of the situation and all of its layers because they told us so.
2. we have next to nothing in common with them and they have made it extremely clear they do not want ANY interaction with us.
So I have written it off as being just sad and that's that.
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