I accidentally told my son that I hate him

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[Post New]02/11/2013 14:26
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Anonymous
Listen, You screwed up.

You now have an opportunity to model for him how to behave when you screw up, as no doubt he will at some point in life.

You have to give him a chance to be mad at you, whatever, let him be however he feels, he must get this out now.

Then tell him just what you told us.

Then ask him how you can make it up to him. Let him know you are broken up about this. use your words. Show him you're human. Let him know he has power in forgiving you.


You have a parenting opportunity here, take it.

And forgive yourself. We all mess up. How wonderful you brought it up to you (that alone shows you've parented him right) and how wonderful that you are upset.

You have all the tools to right this. Do it.

Good luck!
[Post New]02/11/2013 14:28
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FBO
Member Location: NoVA
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Im not sure kids TRULY understand the word 'hate' the way we might.

Either way, just move on and make it up to the kid. Fixating on it will only make it worse.
[Post New]02/11/2013 16:21
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Anonymous
8 year olds truly understand the word hate, don't kid yourself...
[Post New]02/11/2013 16:36
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Anonymous
I think an 8 year old understands the word hate. That is strong language, even if a young child is misbehaving. I wouldn't even say that I hate their behavior at that age. If you are getting this frustrated with your kid's behavior you need to come up with a coping strategy before you start getting impatient.

[Post New]02/11/2013 16:50
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Anonymous
This is almost a year old.
[Post New]02/11/2013 17:33
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Anonymous
Just tell him that you didn't mean that you hate him personally but you hated the behavior/situation that was happening. Just as when kids say they hate their parents, it's just a reflection on the frustration that makes it hard for some folks to get the right words out.
[Post New]02/11/2013 17:51
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Anonymous
Epic Fail. How do you say "I hate you" to your kid ... and not IMMEDIATELY follow with "when you act like this..." How do those three words come from a parent's mouth and just hang there? Sad, really. You are the parent, you are supposed to have some self control.
[Post New]02/11/2013 17:59
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Epic Fail. How do you say "I hate you" to your kid ... and not IMMEDIATELY follow with "when you act like this..." How do those three words come from a parent's mouth and just hang there? Sad, really. You are the parent, you are supposed to have some self control.


Do you feel better about yourself now that you have made OP feel even worse?

You didn't offer any advice at all. All you did was condemn her parenting.

I have to believe that somebody who is mean enough to kick a person when they already feel like sh*t absolutely CANNOT be a better person/parent than somebody who makes a mistake, feels horrible about it and then asks for guidance as to how to best make amends.

[Post New]02/11/2013 20:03
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Anonymous
I think my 3.5 year old says about every other day, "Mommy, I love you, even when you're fussy" because that's what I tell him right after I tell him I really, really don't like how he's acting. Explaining that you can hate the behavior and not the child is something he can understand. And saying that you're sorry, because you slipped and it's not what you meant to say.
[Post New]02/11/2013 20:17
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Anonymous
OP, children don't measure their parents' love by one word or mistaken action. It is measured over a childhood of moments, deeds and interactions. If this isn't a pattern and you've lovingly apologized, it is enough. You are a good enough mom. Don't torture yourself any longer.
[Post New]02/11/2013 20:21
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Anonymous
Wow, just realized this thread is really old. Hope the OP has moved on and she and her DS are happy!
[Post New]08/06/2015 05:48
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:It happens. Clearly he was being a PITA.

Dh and I both come from homes where everything is on the table. Adults make mistakes. We yell at each other. We say things we don't mean. We act like children and get angry over stupid crap. We antagonize and grumble at each other. We have days where we are nice and civilized and we have days where we plainly state, 'I don't want to be around anyone right now.' We cry when we are sad and we scream when we are angry. We laugh a LOT when we are happy. We also apologize, and show affection, and resolve things after tempers have subsided.

I don't think the definition of a 'stable' home is one without mistakes. A 'stable' home is one where mistakes are made, but they are handled well. Parents are human, too, even if they don't want to admit it. So talk to your son, apologize, and tell him you love him. Perhaps it is time to introduce the term 'word vomit'.



Possibly one the best, most honest and non-judgemental comments I have ever read on a parenting site - kudos to you ma'am, you just won the internet for me today

To the OP - I said it in a fit of temper, no Freudian slip, no excuse - my daughter is f'ing hard work at times, and I always love her, just sometimes I really dislike her. It happens, don't beat yourself up anymore, and make a concerted effort to not over-compensate because of any guilt you may be feeling.

best regards
[Post New]08/06/2015 08:30
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I did not mean it. I meant to say that I hate it when he is so stubborn. It happened when I was doing his reading and he was being very difficult. The words slipped out of my mouth and I said, "I hate you". I was sleepy and tired of his behavior. I immediately retracted and said that I meant to say....
Three days later, he wants to know why I said that.

Darn it, I can't believe it.
DS is 8.


Did you apologize? You need to do that.


Then you need to tell your kid that you said something that you didn't mean because you were angry. Tell your kid that let your temper get away with you and that wasn't right. Tell your kid that even when you are angry with him you love him. Tell him that even when your mouth gets away from you, you love him.

The only thing you can do when you screw up as a parent is apologize and model the correct, adult way to handle a screw-up.

Good luck, OP.
[Post New]08/06/2015 10:13
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:This is almost a year old.


Op, are you still around?
[Post New]08/06/2015 10:16
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Anonymous
If you are in Fairfax County, consider the ADAPT program.
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