Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is DC? It's Christmastime and life throws enough s*** at you that I'd not do anything to envoke some bad memories for your child during this time. If it were me, I'd wait until after the holidays. I say this as the mother of a preschooler who loves Christmas. I can't guarantee that a grandparent or friend or even myself or her dad won't die, get in a bad wreck, get very ill, you name it, won't happen around this time of year. I can control how I treat people. If I was thinking of doing something that would make our home unpleasant, I'd not do it now. Wait until Feb. or March.

Anonymous wrote:OP, let me ask you something, if he said that he was not having an affair, would it make the marriage any better? Or, if he was, would it make it any worse? The marriage is in trouble one way or the other. I know this sounds simplistic because an affair would add another layer, but on a practical basis, does it really matter?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, let me ask you something, if he said that he was not having an affair, would it make the marriage any better? Or, if he was, would it make it any worse? The marriage is in trouble one way or the other. I know this sounds simplistic because an affair would add another layer, but on a practical basis, does it really matter?

I agree with this post. I think you need to really question why you want to know if he is having an affair. Its seems that you are resigned yourself to the fact that the marriage is ending so why cause yourself any angst. If fact, unless the two of you are having sex (I am guessing not) then you are already separated (even if not legally). If I were in your shoes I would focus my energy and maintaining a civil household also instead of spending your time checking his phone or giving him the third degree how about using that time to asses your finances and your legal rights/options in case he moves out and files for divorce.

BTW, I tend to agree with your husband that by focusing on whether he is having an affair your are avaoid the larger issue of why the marriage is in trouble in the first place. He has already told you that he is unhappy so much so that he is willing to end the marriage. If the marriage is salvagable and you want to salvage it then maybe at least try to find out why he is so unhappy that he wants to end the marriage. This will also be an opportunity to address the state of your happiness.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks, everyone. I appreciate the advice. It helps me avoid doing something rash, like confronting him right now, just before the holidays. And you're right; it wouldn't make a difference as far as the marriage is concerned at this point. DC is in elementary school, old enough to pick up on things. So, I will avoid anything that will cause undue tension for now and work to get everything in order so that I can transition in a timely fashion. Thanks!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks, everyone. I appreciate the advice. It helps me avoid doing something rash, like confronting him right now, just before the holidays. And you're right; it wouldn't make a difference as far as the marriage is concerned at this point. DC is in elementary school, old enough to pick up on things. So, I will avoid anything that will cause undue tension for now and work to get everything in order so that I can transition in a timely fashion. Thanks!

Good conclusion. But we know this hurts take care of yourself