Reply to Confront DH about Possible Affair or Keep the Peace for Now?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, let me ask you something, if he said that he was not having an affair, would it make the marriage any better?  Or, if he was, would it make it any worse?  The marriage is in trouble one way or the other.  I know this sounds simplistic because an affair would add another layer, but on a practical basis, does it really matter?[/quote]

I agree with this post.  I think you need to really question why you want to know if he is having an affair.  Its seems that you are resigned yourself to the fact that the marriage is ending so why cause yourself any angst.  If fact, unless the two of you are having sex (I am guessing not) then you are already separated (even if not legally).  If I were in your shoes I would focus my energy and maintaining a civil household also instead of spending your time checking his phone or giving him the third degree how about using that time to asses your finances and your legal rights/options in case he moves out and files for divorce.

BTW, I tend to agree with your husband that by focusing on whether he is having an affair your are avaoid the larger issue of why the marriage is in trouble in the first place.  He has already told you that he is unhappy so much so that he is willing to end the marriage.  If the marriage is salvagable and you want to salvage it then maybe at least try to find out why he is so unhappy that he wants to end the marriage.  This will also be an opportunity to address the state of your happiness.[/quote]

OP here again--I hear you.  This is helpful.  Thanks.[/quote]

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