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Anonymous
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There have been a number of posts recently about sending children to a top tier private school because it gives them advantages socially and allows the families to join some "club". I know that there's definitely clubbiness at the schools which are generated by some parents. However, there's also a segment of the population where people feel very much like outsiders who are not invited into the club and/or who do not desire to join such a club.
We have been in a private school for a few years now and operate very much outside the school's mainstream. We stay because our child is getting a relatively good education but it really does not feel like much of a community. We just cannot be totally gungho supporters. Are there other people out there who feel that way and what advice would you give for staying in that environment? |
Anonymous
I'm not sure I completely understand your post. Why can you not be gung-ho about the school? Why does it not feel like a community? Do you feel excluded, or do you not want to "join the club"? If your child is just getting a "relatively good education," I'd ask: Relative to what? Is it worth the costs, financially and otherwise? If you can talk a little more about what you're experiencing and feeling, it would help target responses. |
Anonymous
| Agree with the PP, also why would you stay at a school where you thought that the education was "relatively good" AND you feel excluded. |
Anonymous
| This is the 16:58 poster. I want to clarify that I wasn't criticizing the OP, just trying to better understand her question. I say this as someone who is often aware of not really fully "fitting in" anywhere. |
Anonymous
| op, i am dying to know where your child attends school, as we are looking into some of the more competetive schools next year and i am worried that we won't fit in either. i don't mind me being "left out" but i can't handle my child being excluded. |
Anonymous
| I think you need to find a school that works for the whole family. While it is your child who is attending school, you as a family will be called upon to volunteer and participate in school functions, etc. Most private schools are small, and they tend to be close-knit communities that rely on family support and participation. It is possible, I suppose, to send your child to a private school and not be involved or feel part of the community, but IMO being part of the school community and forming friendships and bonds with the other families is one of the benefits of private school. I can't imagine not feeling comfortable or welcome at my kids' school. If I didn't, we would seriously consider switching, top tier or no (our school is not one of the "big 3", fyi). And although both DH and I work, we are active in the school and have made many friends there. It is a big part of our lives, and I think our kids benefit. |
Anonymous
OP, if you're still out there, please consider saving this PP from a near death experience. I, too, would like to know. |
jhuber
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| It is an ongoing (and interesting) challenge we face in schools to manage and balance parent roles in order to be inclusive, when schedules and roles can make it difficult. For example, something as straightforward as a Parent Coffee held at 8:30 am can unintentionally exclude those without flexibility in their schedules to take part. Parents who are free at this hour, or free to volunteer during the school day hours, become more ingrained into the rhythms of school, and by this process develop into a "group" that from the outside seems difficult to enter. |
Anonymous
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We are a two working parent family and have made a point of ensuring there are volunteer activities at our childrens school. There is a generally great relationship among the parents, as I hope there would be in any school community.
I don't know if there is any "mainstream" or club feeling among certain parents, but as a relatively new family to the institution, we certainly feel welcome at the various meetings, events, etc. that we have attended. |
Anonymous
| After working at a "top elite” (whatever that means) private school for the past 20 years, I do not care what is said in the admissions brochures that "we" are an inclusive environment; "we" promote socioeconomic diversity with offering financial aid, and no matter what you financial background may be, "we" treat everyone equally. This is not true. I have seen polices changed, and rules bent based on how much their family donated, who their family was. I have seen amazing, talented, gifted, and qualified teachers fired because a large annual donor complained about them. There is so much BS you would not believe it. |
jhuber
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This post is certainly disheartening to read...it reminds me of the memoir "Confessions of a Prep School Mommy Handler: A Memoir", detailing one Director of Public Relation's management of "handling" the parents and donors. If a school truly follows the model listed above, it is surely not a self-sustaining (nor ethical) model. In my heart I (must) believe it to be a minority mindset. |
Anonymous
yikes |
Anonymous
| Why does the admin's post surprise anyone? Just look at the other thread where people are drooling over the wonderful facilities at some area privates. Those things cost scads of money, and if that's what's important to the community, they can only be sustained by coddling the big donors. |
Anonymous
Why are you bumping a 2 year old post? |
Anonymous
Sorry. I didn't realize how old it was. |