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Anonymous
| we are at one of the most selective schools. big three, if you will, even though typing those words makes me mouth vomit. Any way, we don't fit in. Never will. been at the school a long time. But it has been great for kids, they love going to school every day. they have nice friends. the parents are nice. We don't go to the auctions, we don't socialize with other parents from the school. When my kids finally make their way through the school, we will probably never see the other parents again. That's totally fine. My kids go to the school, not me. |
Anonymous
| We chose our school for our kids. I could "fit in" if I wanted to, but I don't - although I appreciate the women that seem to really enjoy spending hours planning parties or whatever. Don't volunteer often- but we donate generously and volunteer for other activities outside of school. I'm a little shocked by the parents hoping to make life long friends at their kids schools - the notion of a club seems more like a fantasy. |
Anonymous
| We volunteer where we can, but I don't see the "club' thing. There are groups of, predominantly, mothers who spend a lot of time in the classroom (younger years) or on committees, but this is not the overwhelming cohort of parents, but it isn't like there are weekly cocktail parties for "certain" parents or anything. |
Anonymous
| I agree with PP. No "club" that I've ever seen. I think that's really more common in John Hughes movies. There are 20-120 kids in each class (depending on your school & grade). If you choose not to make friends with any other families, that's your option. But if you are willing to make friends, you won't have much trouble finding other like-minded people. |
Anonymous
| We chose the school that we thought was right for our kids over the school where most of our friends send their kids (both private). While a few friends have drifted away and I occasionally feel sad that we have to create opportunities to see our friends at the other school, the overall effect on our lives has been positive. Our school has a wonderful welcoming environment and we have made many new friends. The place is bi enough that there is no single clique but rather a loose network of relationships encompassing the parent body. |
Anonymous
|
Jewishness aside, a quick story:
A couple came to a Rabbi, as they were looking for a new temple and community to join. The rabbi said to them "What was your old community like?" and they replied, "Well we're a bit nervous because we found our old one to be not that friendly and welcoming and we really didn't join in in any way that made us happy." And the rabbi replied, "I'm afraid you might find that here." And they left. A second couple came to the Rabbi and said that they were interested in joining the community and were looking for a new temple to join. The rabbi said to them, "What was your old community like?" and they replied, "Well, we had a warm circle of friends and were very involved. We felt welcomed and everyone was friendly." To which the rabbi replied, "You might find that here." While I agree that there are built in institutional cultures, I'm a big believer that if you get involved, open yourself to new people and situations, and stay positive that there are communities of all sizes that one can be a part of anywhere. |
Anonymous
| My take is that if I like 1/3 of the people I meet in a new environment, it's a great fit. How many more friends do you need/really have time for? |
Anonymous
Unfortunately very few these days. |
Anonymous
Great parable. I agree it's completely applicable to DC private schools (along with most other situations). Thanks for sharing. |
Anonymous
| Hoping that sending one's child to an elite school is going to open doors to the club -- for friendships, business contacts, etc. -- is probably what the social climbers do. Every elite school has its share of the social climbers who are thinking that they will scale the mountain to the top of the social heap. This hope engenders a lot of ridiculous behavior. |
Anonymous
What would the Rabbi have said if the second couple were not Jewish? |
Anonymous
| If you make an effort to be involved and help out in any way you can, you will feel accepted at any school you are at. Our family are not big donors but have made a wide variety of friends in many different social circles because we have always been willing to contribute our time. The people we have not become friendly with are the true snobs but who cares. They are not the ones we want to be friends with any way. The people that seem unhappiest at a private school are the ones who make no effort and then complain that no one is friendly. Open yourself up to meeting new people. You might be surprised. |
Anonymous
Do tell. What are some of the ridiculous behaviors you've observed? |
Anonymous
Fellow chaperone on a school trip whom I had just met made sure to tell me, within the first ten sentences out of his mouth, of his vacation house in Aspen that they hardly ever go to because he sooooo busy with his booming business. Very tacky. |
Anonymous
This is not necessarily true at some of the most elite schools. Volunteer boards can be tough to break into, no matter how much you volunteer. The choice positions that involve socializing with other moms may not be open to the newbie, who may find she is relegated to baking the cupcakes at home and dropping them off. |