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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
would you take your 3 year old to a funeral if you had childcare?
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Anonymous
| No, I wouldn't. I'd take him to the gathering afterwards if that's an option, otherwise, leave it alone and make his visit another day. You're going to have enough on your mind as it is. Following him around is more stress for you. I am so sorry for your loss, OP. |
Anonymous
| Let your child be a full member of the family and join in all the activities. |
Anonymous
| Absolutely not. |
Anonymous
| Bring the sitter with you to watch and distract him from seeing the casket. |
Anonymous
|
I would if there were gatherings before or a reception for family after, but I would not take them to the open casket and burial part.
Funerals are sad occasions but they are also oftne one of the few times you will see many of your more distant relatives, it's good for kids to meet the people they are related to or who are close to the family in other ways. Also your child will be a cause for a smile and lighten everyone's heart, especially the older ladies! It's the circle of life thing. |
Anonymous
|
I haven't read the posts so I hate to possibly be redundant but no, I went through this in April and got grief from my entire family that I wasn't bringing my 5 yo and 2 yo. My cousin brought her kids that were the same age.
I didn't want my sensitive child to see or be around any of this, plus I wanted a chance to grieve and relax and see people, etc My cousin spent the entire time running around behind her bored/sad/confused kids who didn't even want to be there, I think she thought since there were other kids there they would be entertained, but they were all bored |
Anonymous
|
Just last week we were at a memorial service for my father-in-law. all the grandchildren attended. The kids were wonderful. The service didn't last very long, but they were quite interested in what folks had to say about their grandfather. they did get restless when the minister started stressing the importance of accepting jesus as your personal savior before you die, etc., but I handed them a piece of paper and crayon to doodle on or a silenced iphone to fiddle with and no one noticed. There was no open casket, but I agree that the kids would likely be too short to see inside the casket anyway. Perhaps one important detail is that it was not an over emotional event-- grandpa was old and had died peacefully. Very few tears were shed-- no weeping and wailing and rending of clothes.
anyway, I say trust your mom's judgment on this and bring the kids along. As she said, it may be helpful to some folks to see your kids, and if they get fussy, don't worry about it. It's not like it will kill anyone. (See how death put things into perspective?) |
Anonymous
| I was in this situation and did not bring my child. |
Anonymous
|
First of all, so sorry for your loss.
Just went through this recently with the death of my 24 year old cousin. DS is 2. I had your same reservations and had childcare as a backup, but 150 miles from the funeral (would have involved a lot of inconviences for my in-laws, but they would have been happy to help.) My mother said the same thing yours did- it would bring life to a sad situation. My aunt and uncle were devastated- completely and totally devastated. I was so glad I brought my son because she kept asking me throughout the week to bring him to her house to play. So as for the services themselves, my DS is 2, as I said, so clearly not as "aware," shall we say, as yours. But I have to be honest, the minute we walked into the funeral home, he understood that something was seriously wrong. There was an open casket- DH pretty much just kept him away from it- but after 30 minutes or so, he had to take him out, simply because he was spooked and wanted attention from Mommy and Grandma and Grandpa, who were otherwise engaged. The funeral at the church, however, was no different from any other church service, and he sat through it without issue. |
Anonymous
| I think your husband or someone has to be prepared to hang with him away from the service. |
Anonymous
| NO No No No NO |
TooOldToCare
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| I took my 2 yo to Dad's funeral. He slept for most of it. |
Anonymous
| Yes. Unless being around your family is very stressful for you. |
Anonymous
|
It kind of depends on your family's culture and what the events will be like, but I wouldn't bring a three-year old to anything that requires quiet or attention. Not because a kid will be damaged (this is crazy) but because events like this are more for the people who knew the person well and are grieving the loss, including yourself. You don't want your kid to be a distraction for others. It isn't fair to expect a three-year old to sit quielty, so don't put him in that situation.
If there are other parts of the day that are less solemn, like a luncheon or a get together at someone's house afterward, it would be nice to bring your kid so that the family can spend some time with him. If you don't have child care, usually a funeral home will help you find someone local or a friend of the family will volunteer to stay outside with the kids. |
Anonymous
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I took my 2.5 year old to an open casket wake for her grandmother. It was out of town, so really, there wasn't a choice.
It was fine. She thought she was sleeping. I'd worry more about the funeral part, and DC getting fussy, than about seeing a dead person. At a wake, you can easily walk out, take them outside to entertain them, etc. Not so much at the funeral part. |