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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
would you take your 3 year old to a funeral if you had childcare?
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Anonymous
| The parents of a 3 year old will not be able to grieve themselves or be of any help to their parents and other relatives at the funeral if they have to watch a 3 year old. The 3 year old will get nothing positive, and possibly something negative, out of it. Seems a no brainer to use a sitter. |
Anonymous
Funerals are for honoring and remembering your loved one's life. There is a lot of grieving involved with death but the point of a funeral isn't to get the grieving done and behind you. I took my 3 year old to my loved one's funeral and he was just fine and I was happy he was there to join us in honoring our loved one. |
Anonymous
| My DS was 3 when my father died. I arranged for him to be in the church, but my brother-in-law took him to another room for most of the service. We brought him back in for the final hymn and prayer, so that he would have some awareness that he was "there" for the occasion, and he then was at the gathering. It was a good compromise. |
Anonymous
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No way. I dont know about how folks are at the funerals you attend but in my family there is alot of whooping, hollering, extremely loud sobbing going. Not to mention there is always one relative who will throw themselves on the coffin. My 3 year old would be terrified.
To this day I remember when I was 5 and my parents took me to my grandmom's (dad's mom) open casket funeral. Scared the sh*t out of me. Parents didnt take me to another family funeral until I was a teenager and could handle it better. |
Anonymous
| No. Way. |
Anonymous
Well, I took my children to funerals and it was fine. HOWEVER, if my family mourned is such a dramatic fashion (not that there is anything wrong with that) I wouldn't take them and agree it would scare the sh*t out of them. |
Anonymous
I had a hard enough time grieving my relative's death without watching my toddler. Were you quite upset at your loved one's passing, as in crying uncontrollably, or were you calmer? |
Anonymous
There's no loud sobbing or crying at funerals you take your little ones to? |
Anonymous
Everyone is very somber. There is crying but not loud sobbing and throwing yourself around. Again, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that. Each family mourns in their own way. I cried at my mom's funeral a little bit. I was in shock though and was trying hard to maintain my composure because that's just how my family handles these types of things. I did have episodes of heavy sobbing on and off for months but it was behind closed doors. |
Anonymous
I had episodes of crying uncontrollaby but it was not at the funeral, it was in private. I remained calm at the service. Our family has a stoic quality with grieving but the hurt I'm sure runs just as deep as with a family that is more open with their mourning. |
Anonymous
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I wouldn't. I attended numerous open casket funerals as a child, and it in no way benefited me. It was unsettling and quite frankly, still is. I hate that my very last memory of my grandmother is of her in her casket.
It sounds like your family is pretty traditional, so the funeral service is likely to be a somber one, regardless of your toddler's presence. It's not like you're going to let a three year old run around during the eulogy. I'm assuming there will be a more informal gathering after the service and cemetery visitation (I'm guessing there will be a graveside ceremony as well). If you're comfortable, you could bring your child to the informal family and friends gathering, which is traditionally more lighthearted and comforting. There, I could see how a child's presence would be appreciated, without causing you additional concern. I'm sorry for your loss. |
Anonymous
Speaking as a former 3 yr. old who was taken to a relative's funeral and walked up for the viewing, I had nightmares for a long time. Don't take him! |
Anonymous
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I did not take my son when he was 3 (my grandfather) and did not take him when he was 5 (grandmother). My mom wanted him there, to show him off to the relatives. But at the same time I realzed, she would get upset if he didn't behave himself. Which would be impossible to do since I would have expected to spend the full 2 hours at the viewing, have dinner at 9pm and then get up and go to the funeral (where my son would be with me each minute). He didn't ever meet either of the deceased, so there was no need for any type of closure.
That being said, I would consider taking him if (1) he knew the deceased and (2) if I thought I could take him to part but have some way he could leave if needed (aka - if my husband went with me or if I weren't expected to be there the entire time). |
Anonymous
| I think this is definitely your decision. Don't be swayed by what your parents think. |
Anonymous
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I took my DD to my grandmother's funeral in March. She was only 18 mos, so she didn't understand that grandma (whom she had met a few times, but mostly as a baby) was in the box in the sanctuary. She also came with our family to the burial (you can rent car seats for funeral home limos...who knew?), but again, didn't seem to have a clue. We have religious reasons for never doing open casket, so that wasn't a factor. I think she sort of enjoyed watching me and some other relatives speak, and she injected a light note once or twice by yelling out or running around. (To be fair, my grandma was 99, so it wasn't a surprise or "tragedy" kind of affair.)
In our family, a funeral marks a passage in the entire family's history, so everyone should be there. One of my cousins caught shit for letting her kids go to school that day. I do think it's an important part of your kid's history, but obviously, it's your call. |