would you take your 3 year old to a funeral if you had childcare?

[Anonymous]

My grandfather just passed away and my parents think I am being ridiculous that I don't want to take my 3 year old to his open casket funeral. Their philosophy is that death is part of life and I can't protect him from everything. I agree that I can't protect him from everything but I think 3 is a little young to take him to a funeral. Furthermore, I am worried how he might handle the open casket. FWIW, my son had only met him twice when he was a year old so it is likely he won't recognize him. My mother's take is that he will add some life to a somber day. I need to some other perspectives here. thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

I would definitely NOT take him.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for your loss. I took my 3 (almost 4) year old to my grandmother's funeral this winter, both the open casket viewing and the service. Overall, I am very glad that I brought him - mostly because my entire extended family was there and I thought it was important for him to see/meet my cousins' kids. I tried to distract him from going up and looking in the casket, but he was very curious and of course wanted to go. He asked some hard questions, but overall did fine. He seemed to take it fairly matter-of-factly, which is what I hear a lot about kids that age. If it's going to be a big family affair, I think that I would take him. But you have to decide what you think is best - I don't think either is a bad decision.

[Anonymous]

I would take him and have taken my young children. It is just the culture of our family that everyone in the family comes to the funerals. On the other hand, if it was a distant relative, I might think differently. FWIW, I've never seen any adverse effects on any of the kids in our family due to coming to funerals and since it's a big family, there are tons of kids and tons of funerals.

[Anonymous]

no. absolutely not. i would take the child to the house afterwards, but i would not take a child that age - or even older - to a funeral.

[Anonymous]

I would not take him to the open casket part. Or if you do take him, be prepared to leave with him at any time, so probably best if someone else can be in charge of him if he would be better off leaving the service.

maybe if there is a gathering afterwards he could be among the extended family but not need to see the open casket. When my husband's grandmother passed, my child was 3, and I stayed home with DC from the funeral, but joined in for family gathering post-funeral.

[Anonymous]

If he has the chance to run outside with his cousins, sure. I'd take him to that part of the day's program. But, I fail to see the value in exposing him to an open casket or the intense emotionality of people at the funeral. No way.

[Anonymous]

When my dad dies DS was 3 and we had no choice but to take him.( we live out of state) We took DS to the funeral home for the visitian, but during the funeral itself one of my extended family members kept him outside for us. I agree with the PPs that taking a child can be a good thing. However, for the solemn parts, I think if the child is too young to sit quietly, then they shouldn't be there.(out of.consideration for the other mourners)

[Anonymous]

Do you live near your parents? Maybe they just really want to see their grandson? I think you can keep him from the open casket, and I think it's okay to bring a child to a funeral for his great grandfather. You will be able to tell him that he was there several years from now.

He most certainly will bring some joy to others and there will probably be a lot of other family there who may not get a lot of opportunities to see him. Funerals are big family events. All that said, I would also take into consideration the circumstances of death and how YOU are going to feel at the funeral. A young relative of mine died tragically last year and I did NOT bring my children to that b/c seeing children would have been upsetting to the relative's mom & dad. I would have brought my kids to my grandfather's funeral a couple of years ago, however, if it were logistically/financially feasible for us.

[Anonymous]

I would join at the post-gathering after the open casket part. 3 yrs old is around the time they start becoming more fearful anyway(their imagination develops more and they start to realize more about what is out there in the world to be afraid of as their brain develops) I wouldn't add seeing a dead person to that mix.
so sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

He's too short to see inside the casket. Take him, and just hang back.

[Anonymous]

I think a funeral would be long, boring, and confusing for a 3 year old, and it would be difficult for him to act appropriately for that amount of time. I think it would be easier on everyone, including your child, if you left him with the sitter.

[Anonymous]

My 3 year old attended my grandmother's funeral.

He actually visited her in hospice and gave her a kiss and a hug about 3 hours before her death.

It was important to me that my children attend to honor her memory along with me. He was fine with every part of the service. When they lowered her casket into the ground he asked for a rose to throw into the ground with her and that was so moving for so many in attendance.

He was not traumatized. When he spoke about the service later he referred to it as being "the grandma show". This makes sense from his perspective because there she was in front of everyone and we were all in seats lined up and facing the front of the room. There was talking and singing.

[Anonymous]

No. They wouldn't understand it and you want to have your full attention for the viewing, funeral, burial, etc. They may end up getting fussy and having a meltdown too.

[Anonymous]

I just faced this w/ my 2 y/o. My cousin died, in her 50's. My cousin married twice, never wanted kids, and her mother (my aunt) specifically asked that no children come. So my cousin's generation (me) and the next (my kid) didn't go. I don't think my 2 y/o would be interested or concerned about an open casket, but you know your own kid. FWIW, I talked to other family members: we want kids at our funerals (which we hope is a long way off!). B/c kids are a bright spot in any day and getting family together doesn't happen enough.