Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found out my mother died on Facebook. Siblings can be very hurtful and I assure you it comes from jealousy. When we get older our life is a kaleidoscope of every decision we made and how we treated other people. I don’t have empathy for any of them.

Thank you, and sorry for your loss.

It’s been years of asking myself why were they escalating the behavior. The level of secrecy and exclusion in a family got to the point of cruelty.

Anonymous wrote:Is it bad that I am curious why you’ve been excluded by not one but three people and not defended by your brother?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it bad that I am curious why you’ve been excluded by not one but three people and not defended by your brother?

That’s the burning question I was ready to ask him. But I put it on hold once my nephew told me about my brother’s health condition.
I think the behavior stems from the expectation that the younger sister (me) would never have success. My brother once told me he used to have arguments with his wife and that our sister was being very annoying, but didn’t share what the arguments were about. My sister and my SIL were most likely acting out of jealousy and my brother didn’t want additional drama.

ArlingtonMom22 wrote:I'm really sorry you're going through this. Family dynamics get so complicated when someone is seriously ill, and the old wounds tend to surface in the worst ways. If your nephew is keeping you updated even loosely, hold onto that connection. Sometimes the younger generation can bridge gaps the older one can't. Sending you strength.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found out my mother died on Facebook. Siblings can be very hurtful and I assure you it comes from jealousy. When we get older our life is a kaleidoscope of every decision we made and how we treated other people. I don’t have empathy for any of them.

Thank you, and sorry for your loss.

It’s been years of asking myself why were they escalating the behavior. The level of secrecy and exclusion in a family got to the point of cruelty.

18:14 here.
In my case it’s systemic mental illness and a lifetime of dysfunction. There is schizophrenia, narcissist personality disorders, and things beyond my pay grade. It has most likely been fueled by one or both parents or a conspiracy loving sibling. In sick families someone needs to be the bad guy or scapegoat. Evaluate how you got wounded from this situation and heal from it and become the best version of yourself that you can be. My mother’s favorite child became one of the sickest in our large family probably because of all the problems my mother had. If you really want to drill down on this find a trauma informed therapist. There were probably signs along the way that you dismissed or did not see.

I genuinely wish you peace. Plan on how you wish to move forward. Research the best way to get help (you need it and it’s out there).
Look for the joy around you.

Just breathe. Everything WILL work out.

Anonymous wrote:I say this kindly but look at common denominator

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this kindly but look at common denominator

How exactly is that kind?

I say this kindly but you're a B.

Anonymous wrote:Because. Sometimes if you’re receiving the same treatment from multiple people (family, friends, coworkers- which ever group) you have to look within yourself

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because. Sometimes if you’re receiving the same treatment from multiple people (family, friends, coworkers- which ever group) you have to look within yourself

+1. And it's really really hard to face the reality of this but yes, self-reflection is needed.

Anonymous wrote:Because. Sometimes if you’re receiving the same treatment from multiple people (family, friends, coworkers- which ever group) you have to look within yourself

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because. Sometimes if you’re receiving the same treatment from multiple people (family, friends, coworkers- which ever group) you have to look within yourself

And sometimes you’re just the scapegoat.

Sorry the harpies are out,

OP. I think the suggestion to try and maintain contact with nephew is a good one. Perhaps there is a chance for some renewal there. Again, my condolences.

Anonymous wrote:Is it bad that I am curious why you’ve been excluded by not one but three people and not defended by your brother?