Anonymous wrote:

Also, as foreigners, we genuinely wanted to understand how the system works here. In our minds, the US has always been a place where children’s rights and safety are strongly protected, and if something goes wrong, there are clear mechanisms to resolve it. But in this situation it feels like we will just leave quietly, and everything that happened will go completely without consequences for the school. That part is very hard to accept.

You must not read the news at all. You haven't read about ICE yanking kids away from their families? The school-to-prison pipeline? The states that have no exception for rape when it comes to abortion for teen girls? Those big yellow school buses? You know there aren't seatbelts on them, right? You're so funny with your American fantasies of rights and safety.

Lina2025 wrote:Hello everyone. We are an international family and my son (12) recently started attending a private boarding school in New York. We have been here less than 3 months, and unfortunately we have already faced multiple serious issues, and I truly don’t know what to do.

1. Medical negligence

My son had an infected ingrown toenail with pus. I repeatedly emailed the school nurse asking for help and daily care. The condition always improved when he was home on weekends, and worsened during the school week. I asked several times to take him to a podiatrist. Instead, they first took him to an Urgent Care and gave him antibiotics, which didn’t help. Later they finally took him to a podiatrist, but still the care was inconsistent. Last week the nurse wrote to me suggesting that I should take him home indefinitely to treat him, even though he feels fine, has no temperature and is not contagious.

2. Secret Zoom meeting without my knowledge

Because the nurse started accusing me by email of being a bad mother and refusing medical care (which is absolutely false), I asked to schedule a Zoom call with the director. While I was in class, she scheduled it 15 minutes later without notifying me and held the call with the school principal behind my back. They clearly didn’t expect the recording to be sent to me.

I received the full Zoom recording and transcript, and I was shocked:
• They discussed me and my child in a humiliating tone
• They used profanity about me (principal said “f***ing unbelievable” etc.)
• They called my son “silly kid”
• They said I “don’t care” and accused me of neglect
• They said I refused medical help, although I have written proof that I asked for it many times
• They mocked the fact that we live “only 1.5h away,” while in reality we are 3.5 hours away and spend 6–7 hours every weekend driving

3. Bullying in the dorm

My son’s roommate constantly bullies him:
• hits him with a telescopic stick,
• breaks his things,
• interrupts his online lessons, plays loud music, mocks him,
• says: “You can’t say anything to me, I’m Black. Try it and you’ll be punished.”

We reported this twice, but the administration ignored us. The dean told us this boy is “a perfect student” and nothing changed.

4. Public humiliation by a teacher

Recently during an event in sports hall (with many students watching), the math teacher yelled at my son:
“Shut up” / “Get out of here”
He was deeply humiliated and didn’t understand why, because nobody else was told anything.

5. Safety issues

There is zero security at the school territory. We once arrived late at night, drove onto campus freely, took our son, and nobody noticed or asked anything. Anyone could do that.

⸻

What I need advice on

We want to transfer him to a different school immediately. The problem is that new schools require recommendations, and after this situation I am afraid the principal may intentionally write a bad one and harm our son’s future.

We are in NYC, and a friend advised us to contact a lawyer (educational attorney + possibly medical negligence). This is very stressful, we feel lost, we don’t know if we are overreacting or if these are really serious violations in the US.

Questions:
• What would you do in this situation?
• Is this something an educational lawyer would handle?
• Should we file complaints officially?
• Can we request neutral recommendation letters?
• Any lawyer recommendations in NY?

Thank you so much in advance.

Lina2025 wrote:Hello everyone. We are an international family and my son (12) recently started attending a private boarding school in New York. We have been here less than 3 months, and unfortunately we have already faced multiple serious issues, and I truly don’t know what to do.

1. Medical negligence

My son had an infected ingrown toenail with pus. I repeatedly emailed the school nurse asking for help and daily care. The condition always improved when he was home on weekends, and worsened during the school week. I asked several times to take him to a podiatrist. Instead, they first took him to an Urgent Care and gave him antibiotics, which didn’t help. Later they finally took him to a podiatrist, but still the care was inconsistent. Last week the nurse wrote to me suggesting that I should take him home indefinitely to treat him, even though he feels fine, has no temperature and is not contagious.

2. Secret Zoom meeting without my knowledge

Because the nurse started accusing me by email of being a bad mother and refusing medical care (which is absolutely false), I asked to schedule a Zoom call with the director. While I was in class, she scheduled it 15 minutes later without notifying me and held the call with the school principal behind my back. They clearly didn’t expect the recording to be sent to me.

I received the full Zoom recording and transcript, and I was shocked:
• They discussed me and my child in a humiliating tone
• They used profanity about me (principal said “f***ing unbelievable” etc.)
• They called my son “silly kid”
• They said I “don’t care” and accused me of neglect
• They said I refused medical help, although I have written proof that I asked for it many times
• They mocked the fact that we live “only 1.5h away,” while in reality we are 3.5 hours away and spend 6–7 hours every weekend driving

3. Bullying in the dorm

My son’s roommate constantly bullies him:
• hits him with a telescopic stick,
• breaks his things,
• interrupts his online lessons, plays loud music, mocks him,
• says: “You can’t say anything to me, I’m Black. Try it and you’ll be punished.”

We reported this twice, but the administration ignored us. The dean told us this boy is “a perfect student” and nothing changed.

4. Public humiliation by a teacher

Recently during an event in sports hall (with many students watching), the math teacher yelled at my son:
“Shut up” / “Get out of here”
He was deeply humiliated and didn’t understand why, because nobody else was told anything.

5. Safety issues

There is zero security at the school territory. We once arrived late at night, drove onto campus freely, took our son, and nobody noticed or asked anything. Anyone could do that.

⸻

What I need advice on

We want to transfer him to a different school immediately. The problem is that new schools require recommendations, and after this situation I am afraid the principal may intentionally write a bad one and harm our son’s future.

We are in NYC, and a friend advised us to contact a lawyer (educational attorney + possibly medical negligence). This is very stressful, we feel lost, we don’t know if we are overreacting or if these are really serious violations in the US.

Questions:
• What would you do in this situation?
• Is this something an educational lawyer would handle?
• Should we file complaints officially?
• Can we request neutral recommendation letters?
• Any lawyer recommendations in NY?

Thank you so much in advance.

Lina2025 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope this isn't a situation where you left your far-away country to place your child somewhere you were told was a feeder to an Ivy. Families who do boarding schools well generally have a much better understanding of what it entails than you, and know how to communicate before issues turn nasty.

There are so many great public and great private day schools in the US, OP. They offer a good education for your children, without closing doors for any university.

We actually live in New York and pick our son up every weekend. We chose a boarding school specifically because they offered a strong English-language support program for international students, and our son’s English was very limited when we arrived. We believed that being immersed in the environment would help him learn the language quickly and feel more confident.
The school also has an excellent rating (A+ on Niche), which is why the situation was especially surprising for us — we really thought we had found a good, supportive place.

Anonymous wrote:

Lina2025 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They took your son to a podiatrist - I bet your son wasn't doing whatever he was supposed to on a regular basis and that's why his problems kept coming back during the week. Did your son understand the language he was being given?

No, that’s not the case. This is a boarding school — there is a full-time nurse whose job is to take care of students’ health needs on a daily basis.
After reviewing the Zoom recording between the nurse and the school administration (which they didn’t expect me to receive), it became clear that they were overwhelmed with seasonal illnesses and simply didn’t want to deal with my son’s toe properly. That’s why they repeatedly suggested that I “take him home for treatment.”

When I asked for basic weekday support — either daily care or at least letting him use the prescribed ointment — the nurse told me to remove him from school instead. For a child who barely speaks English, leaving school for an undefined period would mean falling behind academically and socially, which is not a reasonable solution.

So no, this is not about my son failing to follow instructions — it’s about the school refusing to provide appropriate care during the week.

He's 12. He should be capable of putting ointment on his toe once or twice a day and wrapping it. Do you think 12 yr old ballet dancers have their mommies caring for their feet? No, they handle it themselves.