Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Lina2025 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They took your son to a podiatrist - I bet your son wasn't doing whatever he was supposed to on a regular basis and that's why his problems kept coming back during the week. Did your son understand the language he was being given?

No, that’s not the case. This is a boarding school — there is a full-time nurse whose job is to take care of students’ health needs on a daily basis.
After reviewing the Zoom recording between the nurse and the school administration (which they didn’t expect me to receive), it became clear that they were overwhelmed with seasonal illnesses and simply didn’t want to deal with my son’s toe properly. That’s why they repeatedly suggested that I “take him home for treatment.”

When I asked for basic weekday support — either daily care or at least letting him use the prescribed ointment — the nurse told me to remove him from school instead. For a child who barely speaks English, leaving school for an undefined period would mean falling behind academically and socially, which is not a reasonable solution.

So no, this is not about my son failing to follow instructions — it’s about the school refusing to provide appropriate care during the week.

He's 12. He should be capable of putting ointment on his toe once or twice a day and wrapping it. Do you think 12 yr old ballet dancers have their mommies caring for their feet? No, they handle it themselves.

NP- in many schools 12 year olds are not allowed to handle prescription medication. It’s locked up in the nurse’s office, regardless of what it is.

Sounds like your toe shoes pinched your brain.

Not PP but send him with a tube of Chlorhexadine soap and Neosporin. It's fine for that and neither is prescription.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly the problem here and they seem oblivious to it. Poor kid.

+1

[Anonymous]

Lina2025 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell is a 12 year old in boarding school? 14 is bad enough. This is insane.

He’s in a boarding school only five days a week — we pick him up every weekend. We made this decision as a family because his English was very weak, and we believed full immersion Monday–Friday would help him adapt much faster. He actually wanted to try this experience himself, and we thought it would support his language progress.

12 is too young, as you now know. Be a parent. It doesn't matter that he wanted to try it himself. You are responsible for his well-being. 12 year olds are children and shouldn't be making decisions like this.

[Anonymous]

Op, would suggest that you instead enroll your child in an international school or another local school and supplement with English-language tutoring. I imagine it would be pretty daunting to be at a boarding school away from a support system and not know a language well.

[Anonymous]

Op, are you from a country where kids gets sent away to boarding school at a young age? In the US, you rarely see kids that age get sent away, the earliest is usually 14 and there are a lot of programs that start at 9th. Before that, it’s not common here, and often only done in unusual circumstances like the kid has been asked to leave all local public and private options for behavior reasons or the child has an unstable home life (or in some rare cases, kid has some unusual interest or focus like Olympic-level sports or military but that’s not the type of school talked about here). It’s not really done for a kid who just wants to learn English. The school likely does have the ability or resources to help an English language learner, either. You are better off finding a local school that does—some publics are good at this.

[Anonymous]

WTF?? You sent a TWELVE year old who has weak English skills to boarding school?? What is wrong with you???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, would suggest that you instead enroll your child in an international school or another local school and supplement with English-language tutoring. I imagine it would be pretty daunting to be at a boarding school away from a support system and not know a language well.

I wonder if op is a troll because the post is written by someone with a good command of English. So couldn’t op just speak English at home with the kids?

[Anonymous]

I think you'll find a lot of US parents here outraged at sending a 12 year old away from home to a boarding school. In the US, typically the youngest a child is sent to school is 14 (as a HS Freshman or 9th grader).

That said, I don't know that your reasoning about immersion in English is really a good argument. If he's at a local school all day, surrounded by English speakers, he'll get it fast. To follow your reasoning, the younger the better. I think anyone would tell you if you want to learn the language, go to the country. And you're here. So, just go to a local private where you have him with you at night or a local public that is good.

While I feel for you as a parent wanting to do the right thing for your son, I think you did the right thing and got him out of there. I hope you can get his toe healed and his new school will be near you and you will see him every day. I think you tried and it wasn't the right time - hopefully you're not putting him in another boarding school?

[Anonymous]

For an ingrown toenail, the podiatrist needs to cut the nail down to the bed. You need a shot to numb the toe, then the Dr cuts it, then bandages it. You then need to take care of the wound until it heals (about 2 weeks) by keeping it clean and changing the bandage (which isn’t a big deal). I’ve had a 3 ingrown toenails.

If it is getting infected, take care of it. This is ridiculous for the school and the parent to just be oh well about it. These can really hurt.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm so sorry for this horrible experience for your son - and you. I have a nephew (also Asian) whose parents sent him to boarding school at age 12 because they lived in a very small/remote town where they owned a business. He had such a horrible experience there (bullying, etc) and became schizophrenic later. Please get your son immediately and give him security and love and compassion. His mental and physical health are way more important than any academic opportunity. He can get decent school experience at a day school where you live and language immersion with you (your English is perfect!) or by doing after school activities. You could get a lawyer involved if they will not listen to you to at least give a neutral recommendation letter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm so sorry for this horrible experience for your son - and you. I have a nephew (also Asian) whose parents sent him to boarding school at age 12 because they lived in a very small/remote town where they owned a business. He had such a horrible experience there (bullying, etc) and became schizophrenic later. Please get your son immediately and give him security and love and compassion. His mental and physical health are way more important than any academic opportunity. He can get decent school experience at a day school where you live and language immersion with you (your English is perfect!) or by doing after school activities. You could get a lawyer involved if they will not listen to you to at least give a neutral recommendation letter.

I have relatives/family who started at 11 (possibly even a little earlier?) in the UK, but I don’t think that’s done in the USA unless there are unusual circumstances. And I think the schools there prepare the kids better to start younger.

[Anonymous]

Can you just bring him home??

[Anonymous]

As you have probably gleaned, boarding school in the US for any child under 9th grade is very unusual and not looked on favorably by most people. The assumption will either be that the child has some kind of unmanageable problem requiring a therapeutic school, or that the parents are uninterested in their child and want to dump them on someone else. So the social and cultural mix at a boarding school for 12-year-olds is not going to be typically American in any way. It's falling out of favor elsewhere, too; note that Prince George is 12 and still lives at home and goes to day school, very much NOT in his family's tradition.

Also, I get there's a culture gap here, but putting a child in boarding school when they can barely speak the language sounds absolutely bonkers to me. Even the remaining posh British boarding prep schools that take a lot of rich international students, like Summer Fields or Ludgrove, require a decent level of English at admission. If you're a child in an environment where you have to advocate for yourself, how can you possibly cope if you can't speak the language??

The solution here is to just remove your son from the school. Employ an educational consultant to help you finesse the situation, if you're feeling really shaky. If you are leaving quietly, I don't think the school really has any vested interest in trashing your son's recommendation or making it hard for him to get into another school. If they are as irritated as they sound, they will probably be more than happy to smooth the way out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As you have probably gleaned, boarding school in the US for any child under 9th grade is very unusual and not looked on favorably by most people. The assumption will either be that the child has some kind of unmanageable problem requiring a therapeutic school, or that the parents are uninterested in their child and want to dump them on someone else. So the social and cultural mix at a boarding school for 12-year-olds is not going to be typically American in any way. It's falling out of favor elsewhere, too; note that Prince George is 12 and still lives at home and goes to day school, very much NOT in his family's tradition.

Also, I get there's a culture gap here, but putting a child in boarding school when they can barely speak the language sounds absolutely bonkers to me. Even the remaining posh British boarding prep schools that take a lot of rich international students, like Summer Fields or Ludgrove, require a decent level of English at admission. If you're a child in an environment where you have to advocate for yourself, how can you possibly cope if you can't speak the language??

The solution here is to just remove your son from the school. Employ an educational consultant to help you finesse the situation, if you're feeling really shaky. If you are leaving quietly, I don't think the school really has any vested interest in trashing your son's recommendation or making it hard for him to get into another school. If they are as irritated as they sound, they will probably be more than happy to smooth the way out.

Yeah, the "I guess this is just how it is in the US!" From OP was a little weird considering the miniscule number of Americans who board their 12 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would expect 12 year old boarding school kids to be brats who the parents couldn’t tolerate keeping at home. Why are you putting a nice kid there?

To all those criticizing OP for sending DC to a boarding school.
Boarding school for 12 year olds is very common in other countries. I grew up in England where boarding school does not mean a problem child and is common for 12 and up.