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How Social Are You in Public?
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Anonymous
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I tend to stay to myself and enjoy the relaxing time out of the house away from the children. I like the quiet, I like the time with my spouse. My spouse on the other hand has to talk to everyone he sees. If I agree we sit at the bar and he ends up chatting with the bartender the entire time. If we are out front with the kids he ends up walking away from me to have some long, drawn out conversation with (childless) neighbors. Even at the grocery store he is striking up chit chat with the cashier. It is endless and everywhere.
I am far from antisocial but sometimes I enjoy his attention and not having to deal with strangers. How social are you? Do you stay to yourself or are you also talking with everyone and anyone? |
Anonymous
| I'd have a talk with him about how his socialness needs to focus on his wife and kids at times, not random strangers. Sounds like a pattern that isn't making you happy and it would bug me too. |
Anonymous
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My husband is the same op! He is a social butterfly!
I am social, but he is much more than I am. |
aprilmayjune
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| It really depends on where we are and what we are doing.. he's not too social with strangers but if it is people we know that's when he's focusing more on them.. but I'm just as social as he is so I really can't complain. I agree with the PP that maybe a discussion would make a large difference.. he may not realize that he's doing this to the point that it bothers you, and may try to be more aware if you share with him. |
Anonymous
I've tried explaining to him that it irks me I get stuck with the kids while he roves the neighborhood talking, especially when I was with them all day and he was at work. I have expressed how much I dislike sitting at the bar when we go out to eat, not only am I usually uncomfortable I really dont want to listen to him talk to everyone in our general area. He doesn't get why it bothers me which in turn makes me feel like I have the problem. And I don't think either of us have a *problem*, I just cherish my time away from the kids and dont want to share it with strangers. |
Anonymous
I think this may an example of the differences between introvert vs. extravert behavior. It's not that either of you are wrong, of course. And it's not really about being social, in that I'm sure you're very social and friendly in certain situations. It's more about how you like to be social . . . and more generally where people tend to get their energy. Introverts tend to get it from within -- their thoughts and reflections on things -- and from one on one conversations, usually deep and quite substantive. Extraverts tend to get their energy from outside themselves -- often from people around them. It's all on a sliding scale and very strong extraverts truly love talking to everyone they meet. My in-laws are this way. They're so extreme that it''s both hilarious and annoying at the same time how they will talk to just about anyone and truly forge a bond. I think there's a book out there called The Introvert Advantage. I read it awhile back -- great! Might be helpful for you if you are indeed more of an introvert. And I bet DH would learn a lot and understand you better if he read it. |
Anonymous
| OP- what bars do you go to? Our husbands could talk, and we could talk. In fact, my husband probably knows your husband b/c they seem like long lost bffs. Seriously, my husband is EXACTLY the same. I have no advice, just commiseration! |
Anonymous
| OP, next time you go to a bar with your husband, bring a book, and when he starts spending all his time talking to the bartender, whip out the book and start reading. |
Anonymous
We don't go to bars really, we go to restaurants and end up sitting at the bars. TVs! Bartenders! Other people sitting next to us! I guess he finds these things appealing. I don't. I'm home all day with the kids and really like my time alone. I wish there was a compromise but I just get angry when we go out now because I know what's going to end up happening. |
Anonymous
Completely. My ex-husband was a complete social butterfly. I'm social, but he could talk to strangers forever - so I started bringing a book with me. Not to be rude, but seriously, who wants to talk to someone to Bozeman, MT about where the best flyfishing is. I'm not going to Bozeman. And if I am, I'm not going flyfishing. And, neither is my ex. So I whip out my book and read. Call me rude - but I have little time as a working mom, and I like to read. As you can see it didn't really work for us. My CURRENT husband doesn't do that. 
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Anonymous
| Your husband is obviously avoiding his family. |
Anonymous
| Next time you decide to go to a restaurant, you should agree beforehand to sit at a table and have a conversation like a nice married couple. If he wants to go to a restaurant bar and talk with others, he should do that on his own. |
Anonymous
Because he's social, really? |
Anonymous
| He should be talking to his kids and you more than the neighbors. |
Anonymous
I think the first poster above was being snarky and I'm not trying to be, but OP your post does make me wonder if your husband is in some way hiding from spending time with you. It particularly struck me that you mentioned TV as something that he will pay attention to rather than you in public. I am very social too and my DH would probably say I chat with way too many people, but I can't imagine choosing to sit at the bar just to make small talk with a bartender. You definitely need to talk to DH about this in a non-confrontational way. One other thought, if it's not a marital problem but just a personality difference. What about making more plans with other couples? If you go out with friends that gives your DH someone to talk to while not forcing you to interact with strangers. |