Do you know where your 18 year old goes when going out at night?
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Anonymous
THANK YOU! I wish I would walk on eggshells about the whereabouts of someone who is completely dependent on me and my resources. 18 doesn't mean shit if you're still 100% my dependent. If you're 18 and on your own, ok then. I can't ask too many questions. But you are accountable to me and owe me direct answers and specific responses with regard to your whereabouts if you want the privilege of my shelter, phone, car, food, etc. as a legal adult. |
Anonymous
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So the kid basically listens, get's straight A's and asks for rides home if a person isn't sober enough to drive?
What's the problem here. |
Anonymous
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This friend group probably has a lot less social pressures and don't trigger his anxiety. He doen't have the same comparisons, they accept him as he is, and their social outings are probably just relaxing at someone's house getting high and not needing to talk much or be anyone or live up to anyone's expectations. The pot may also be self medicating his anxiety and so there is a double reward = where he has friends and feels accepted and also has less anxiety and feels chill
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Anonymous
I meant younger as in not seniors. They are still in high school and no, I don’t know where they are every moment they are out of the house. I don’t track them. |
Anonymous
| My two oldest kids were off at college across the country at 17, so no, I had no idea where they were at night at 18. They both had Uber and were strongly encouraged to never get into a car with anyone under the influence and to leave anywhere they didn't feel safe or comfortable. My son got a Lyft account of his own volition and shared it with his sister (apparently sometimes one rideshare was less expensive than the other). |
Anonymous
Interesting. I was told on a previous thread that nothing ever happens in MoCo to underage drinkers. |
Anonymous
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Have you talked to him about the weed usage? Start there.
Do you pay for the phone and car? Find My Phone needs to be on, period. Yes, he is 18 but you pay for everything and are his parent. Eighteen is not a magic number that means kids don't need parenting. We just need to adapt to their needs and age. You can do all this with love, respect, and good intentions. Don't judge him or his friends. It's hard, I know. |
Anonymous
| He sounds like a junkie |
Anonymous
Since there are 6th graders at my kid’s middle school vaping and smoking weed, I am going to think an 18yr old doing it some, getting straight A’s, and is college bound, is not a junkie |
Anonymous
| Most of the time I didn’t, since my kid went to college at 17. But when DC (now 19) is home, the requirement to be able to use my car, get tuition paid, etc. is that I know roughly where the kid is going, with whom, and when. It’s not about granting permission; DC is an adult and can do as they please, but common courtesy is expected. It’s worked so far. |
Anonymous
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This is going to sound strange, but I think there is a good chance that your son is gay.
At 18 knowing where he is isn’t a battle worth having. That he isn’t drinking and diving (or smoking and driving) and that he is a safe are reasonable. Where exactly he is going is not. |
Apples
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That sounds right. My son, huge social anxiety uses weed to get through it sometimes. Have you met his new friends? If he’s kind of secretive maybe he’s worried you’re judgmental and won’t accept them? The way you thought it was important to mention that you’re in a higher financial class was odd. |
Anonymous
| Folks, today’s marijuana is much higher in THC than we used back in the day. One vape = 20 cigarettes plus toxins. Don’t be sanguine about vaping and pot. It’s unhealthy, addictive, and dangerous. |
Anonymous
| My 18 year old is in college. |