Anonymous wrote:The bizarre part is the new GF seems to be the reason he wants custody. Why? Does she not have any other kids? Why is she so keen to have a teen boy in her home full time? I believe you believe you are getting the whole story. But a better thing to believe is you are getting a version of the story.
Stay out of it. She has a lawyer and the best thing to suggest is that she find a more aggressive one.

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Anonymous wrote:I agree this is fake, the piece about the attorney GF getting the psychologist’s license revoked for billing practices sounds very very fake

No, it doesn't sound fake.

You have NO idea the horrendous things abusers pull in custody battles. ESPECIALLY those with unlimited/vast resources. And even worse when they are attorneys, doctors, etc.

OP, this is awful, I am so sorry for your cousin and her DS. The family court system is horribly broken and is not equipped to deal with abusers like your cousin's ex and his wife. This same terrible story is being played out over and over again all of over the country and the world. Thankfully the media is slowly (very slowly) starting to shine a light on this issue, but actual change is still likely decades away.

Can you help your cousin financially in this nightmare fight? She needs to find an attorney in her state who is experienced in **post-separation abuse/coercive control** - this is KEY. Do research on all of this - there is a lot more out there now about this.

I would like to help her financially but I can’t. I need my resources for a SN child. She is getting financial help from her husband and dad. She bartends at weddings on weekends when ex has DS.

Totally understand.

Please research/tell her to research post-separation abuse and coercive control and those with cluster B personality disorders (NPD, sociopathy, etc). That will open up a trove of information, including info about how to find attorneys who actually understand this. And yes, she needs to document *everything*. It is exhausting. I am so sorry.

PP is entirely correct about this being an aspect of coercive control. Look at some of the Duluth power and control wheels - particularly this one about “Post-separation Economic Power and Control,” which has sectors on abuse of court processes and institutions. https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/Post-Separation_Economic_Abuse_Wheel_Glinski_2021.pdf

That the lawyer/GF is involved may give you some leverage in the form of a bar complaint - talk to her attorney about that.

DS should record any fights or threats - but consult first to make sure that the state in which he records is a one-party recording state and permits this. DS should also journal on his phone other coercive control - isolation, rigid eating practices, police visits, fights, etc. Again, seek advice from counsel.

DS (and mom) should also have their own different individual therapist. Family therapy with an abuser is not helpful. DS’s individual therapist can help him strategize about expressing/drawing boundaries, educating about emotional abuse, etc. This has to be done by someone independent, i.e. not the Mom, otherwise it will be viewed as alienation. It’s tricky because some psychologists will require the consent of both parents, some will only ask for one parent’s consent. You will also have to ask to what degree the psychologist can refuse to divulge to a parent what is said in therapy - if Dad demands access to son’s records, what will he get? And, if Dad is providing the health insurance, he will be able to see all billed sessions.

Grey rocking, parallel parenting, neutral or supervised drop-offs, communication only through third-party platforms are all ways of disengaging from the abuser.

Sorry your family member is going through this.

Thank you both. The bonded part is what my cousin’s therapist has advised her to do. She also said my cousin needs to conquer her fear of her Ex and his GF. My cousin is trying to follow all the rules as carefully as possible. She has a new lawyer this time. Hopefully, this one is more aggressive. I don’t know what the lawyer GF is getting out of this except the thrill of control. She has money and intimidates everyone. She was a US Attorney for several years. I think that fact alone intimidates my cousin. Her ex is an unemployed schmo who will do anything the GF wants because she can provide the lifestyle he can’t otherwise have. Also, he’s a jerk.