My cousin's ex trying to take full custody--again
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Anonymous
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My cousin has a DS13 with ExBF. They broke up during the pregnancy. They have shared 50/50 custody from the beginning. A few years ago he got a girlfriend who is a successful attorney with a lot of $$$. ExBF and attorney GF decided they should have full custody of DS13. My cousin went through 18 months of court and the judge finally dismissed the case and said my cousin is a fine parent and kept the arrangement at 50/50.
The last custody battle bankrupted my cousin and strained her current marriage which is still salvageable. However, now the ExBF and his attorney GF are doing this again! DS13 tells my cousin that his dad and the GF fight and call the police on each other. Once, attorney GF was kicking in the bedroom door during a fight and his dad called the police. Cousin was getting this documented with the child psychologist but Attorney GF got the psychologist's license revoked over the way she billed services. ExBF and Attorney GF have managed to thwart every attempt my cousin as made to get her DS to a psychologist through the usual means. So my cousin told the school principal she needed a psychologist for DS. The principal arranged for a state psychologist to meet the family at the school. ExBF let my cousin think he would be at the meeting. But at the appointed time, he refused to come inside the school. He sat outside in his car and insisted by text messages that DS be dismissed from the meeting. Then he sent a teacher into interrupt the meeting to say he was calling the police if his son did not leave school and get in his car. My cousin's attorney later told her she should have let him call the police. Cousin regrets caving but she is intimidated. At the time she was afraid of having the police show up. She now knows there's nothing the police could have charged her with. DS13 doesn't want to go over to his father's home anymore but he doesn't have a choice. There is a new judge in this second custody battle. My cousin's attorney told her that he's not likely to give DS13's personal preference on the matter much weight. There's all kinds of psychological abuse going on here. Her DS13 is miserable. His father drug tests him without cause. Imposes severe restrictions on his activities and diet. His father lies to judge that my cousin has said and done things that she is not. He has lied that she is diagnosed with a specific mental illness that she does not have. They know she cannot match their income for legal fees. I told my cousin she should document everything and take it to another attorney to see if she has a cause to sue ExBF and GF for emotional distress, defamation, or bring perjury charges against either of these miserable people? There has to be a way. What type of evidence should my cousin gather/document? How should she go about finding an attorney for this kind of thing? This is extreme and very damaging to my cousin and her DS13. |
Anonymous
| Sounds fake but she had an attorney and should talk to them. |
Anonymous
| Ok we got the customary DCUM troll/fake thing out of the way. Now can anyone help? |
Anonymous
| Stop giving your cousin bad advice, first. She can’t sit for emotional distress or defamation, and she can’t bring perjury charges (only a prosecutor brings perjury charges, and they won’t for a child custody dispute). You are inflaming the situation and not helping. You should take a HUGE step back. |
Anonymous
| MYOB. |
Anonymous
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#1 She asked for my help.
I said I would try to figure out if this is feasible. Not sounding good so far. |
Anonymous
| When son goes over, have the son record the fights on his phone and immediately send the recording to his therapist, his mom, and his lawyer. |
Anonymous
| I’m so sorry. I would probably do what I could to help financially. And provide a positive fun environment for them - family dinners, vacations. Also your cousin needs her own therapist. As much as possible, shifting to a perspective where you maximize the good parts of life and accept the crazy sh*t. |
Anonymous
| Have DS record the fights. If you want to go nuclear, send a disk to step mom’s boss and bar association. |
Anonymous
| I agree this is fake, the piece about the attorney GF getting the psychologist’s license revoked for billing practices sounds very very fake |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
No, it doesn't sound fake. You have NO idea the horrendous things abusers pull in custody battles. ESPECIALLY those with unlimited/vast resources. And even worse when they are attorneys, doctors, etc. OP, this is awful, I am so sorry for your cousin and her DS. The family court system is horribly broken and is not equipped to deal with abusers like your cousin's ex and his wife. This same terrible story is being played out over and over again all of over the country and the world. Thankfully the media is slowly (very slowly) starting to shine a light on this issue, but actual change is still likely decades away. Can you help your cousin financially in this nightmare fight? She needs to find an attorney in her state who is experienced in **post-separation abuse/coercive control** - this is KEY. Do research on all of this - there is a lot more out there now about this. |
Anonymous
I would like to help her financially but I can’t. I need my resources for a SN child. She is getting financial help from her husband and dad. She bartends at weddings on weekends when ex has DS. |
Anonymous
Totally understand. Please research/tell her to research post-separation abuse and coercive control and those with cluster B personality disorders (NPD, sociopathy, etc). That will open up a trove of information, including info about how to find attorneys who actually understand this. And yes, she needs to document *everything*. It is exhausting. I am so sorry. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like legal harassment. A judge already determined you're a fine parent. I'd find a lawyer who not only deals with custody but legal harassment too. |