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How do you trust a stanger with your child?
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Anonymous
First, I don't think that if you don't go out, your husband will have an affair! That's just ridiculous. Also, I would check out the archives for past discussions of White House nannies. I don't think that most people have great experiences with them. My husband was molested as a child - by a teacher. His parents were never around, and he would be the last child at the school each day, waiting for someone to pick him up. So, given my husband's history, it was very hard for us to leave our first child with a sitter. I got around this by using college students (I babysat in college, so I felt I understood the students and why they were babysitting, etc.). It was the most comfortable situation for us. I interviewed many before I chose one. I called all her references and had her babysit while I was in the house a few times. Within two weeks, I was going out to dinner - but still calling her to see if my baby was asleep yet. (My child also had some minor health issues which also made it difficult for me to leave him.) Anyhow, in no time, I felt comfortable leaving him and not checking in. It gets much easier as your child gets older, but it's hard when they're little because they can't tell you if anyone has not treated them nicely. So I think you might want to ease into it slowly and build up to leaving your child overnight. Also, you can call to check in, or even have a neighbor stop by to make sure everything's going okay. Good luck! |
Anonymous
First of all, that's below the belt...not leaving your kids with strangers does not shove your husband into adultery. Secondly, my friend's company uses White House nannies for employee back up care and they've had really bad luck with them. I would recommend either the AU or Gtown job boards. Several students stay around for unpaid internships in the summer and will be looking to make some money. You can interview them, check references, and have them sit a few times when you're in the next roon. Best wishes! |
Anonymous
| I'd like to recommend that you read the book "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker. He dedicates a chapter to babysitting and caregivers, including questions you should ask of any prospective caregiver. The whole book is worth a read--it puts risk into perspective and underscores the importance of listening to your gut. |
Anonymous
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I had a really difficult time as well.
The first person I left my dd with, was a daycare provider, and it was only five hours a week. Other than her afternoon at daycare, and my best friends, I didn't trust DD with anyone. When DS was born, I didn't leave either of them with anyone who wasn't family. Because they were just over a year apart in age, it was extremely difficult to find someone willing to leave them with. DS was nearly 3 the first time I left the kids with a babysitter. I was comfortable, because it was the neighbor kid, and I was only next door. It was the only time that a non daycare provider, non relative, has ever watched him. My parents are retired CPS workers, I have hear their stories, yet they give me a hard time for being overly cautious. DH and I have date nights about twice a year. We have the one family member in the area babysit for us. We ask very rarely, as we don't want to impose too much. |
Anonymous
Are you serious? Seriously? So because I disagree with you, both myself and my child are deemed "difficult?" Pretty scary! But since you seem to know everything, I am surprised you do not know that background checks don't usually cover all 50 states, may not have been done recently or correctly, and certainly should not take the place of doing your own diligence. And teachers -- no one has Ever heard of a teacher molesting a child or doing something bad because they are teachers and holier than thou, right? |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
This is how we did it when our baby was 1 year old. It took us a long time and even now there is only 1 person who can babysit for us which makes going out hard but you are leaving our child and your house and so much under someone else's care. It is important to be comofrtable. |
Anonymous
| I don't think it's a low blow to remind that if you don't put in some one on one attention with your husband or wife for that matter, things can happen. How many times do you hear people talk about divorce because they felt their spouse was all mommy, and the spouse who was left, is in disbelief because they thought they had given it all? Yes you can have romance at home when kids are asleep but it's different than when you go out on the town together or away for a weekend at some point. This is by no mean saying that you have to go out with partner everyweek from week one of having a child but working toward having alone time is a good thing and obviously something original poster is mulling over. I think if you are overly nervous use a professional service and ask for their best sittter and say that you will pay her rate and make arrangements well ahead of time or ask around your neighborhood if there are any families who have a great nanny who would like an extra gig now and again. I would also not be adverse to a teenager if the mom and dad are neighbors as I did this when I was young and my parents would wind up stopping by at some point to check on everything; I have a feeling that is the norm. College education or nursing majors also sound great. As always, check references and start small but hopefully you will understand that anytime you leave your child, even when they go to school, it's a leap of faith but sometimes when you just understand that you can only control so much if you truly want to have a full life. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| We didn't use a babysitter until our DD was 4.5 and our DS was 2. We used babysitter.com, which we really liked because it provides a certain amount of information about potential babysitters upfront (profile, experience, whether they have a car, etc.). Once we chose a couple of babysitters that looked good online, we talked to some of the families that the potential babysitters had already sat for. We also tend to starts dates a little later in the evening, after the kids have gone to bed, so we are largely paying the babysitter to watch t.v. |
Meconbear
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| We use either our nanny or my neighbor's teenage daughter. With the neighbor's daughter, we started her off with playing with our DS while we did chores and moved her up to babysitting on Sat. nights after DS was asleep. Now that he's older and knows her, we leave him before he goes to sleep and it works out great. I also second the AU Jobcorps. It's a great service and the gals (all gals) are really sweet. |
Anonymous
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16:52 has great advice.
For a baby, I wouldn't hire a neighborhood kid. Ask other parents who they use as babysitters, or if you know a neighborhood nanny, ask if she babysits on occasion. Hire her for a few hours while you're home so that your DC can get to know her and you can watch their interactions. THen hire her while you go out to run a few errands. You'll just be gone for 1/2 an hour and a quick call away should anything happen. Do this until you're comfortable with the person. Just having a few hours alone in the house is worth the money anyways - you can take a bath, garden, file papers, bake, whatever you miss doing now that you have a little one to watch. When you feel good about the caregiver, plan a short night out. Have her come right before bedtime so that you child sees her there, but you still put DC to bed with the normal routine. Assuming you have a kid that goes to bed and stays there, the babysitter should have precious little to do and you won't have to worry! Good luck - it is so important to go out now and then. Hard to do, but you'll love it!! |
Anonymous
Hilarious. It says a lot about you and your confidence in your marraige (and also in the type of man you'd marry) if he'd cheat jsut because you can't go out to dinner every once in awhile! The last time I checked - all of the good stuff happens IN HOME - IN BED  Our romantic evenings are enjoyed at home, with wine and candles and great take out, massages, baths together - you get the picture. We wouldn't be doing that at a table at Citronelle!
I'm a firm believer in family time - as long as possible. In a few short years our kids will want nothing to do with us - why would I try to escape them all the time when my dream and greatest joy is my family? I already work full time - I don't need even more time away from the little ones. We don't live anywhere near family, so it is tough - we use her preschool teachers every once in awhile, but even then it's only been 2 or 3 times. It's just enjoyable to be together. I wouldn't want a husband who could use their children as an excuse to cheat. |
Anonymous
| Wow. I am the OP and I am thankful for all of the responses. I will look into some of the services and church ideas . Thank you all. My child is our first and 13 months, I stay at home so my need to go out is a greater than my husbands. |
Anonymous
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not to highjack this thread...but another idea I haven't done, but would love to do is some kind of babysitting co-op/swap with friends.
so, for example, one week mom goes to friend's house and babysits while dad stays home and the other couple goes out and the next week the first couple goes out this way you're not leaving your child with a babysitter you don't know well and, to boot, it's free |