DH wants to go to law school

[Anonymous]

PP here.

I think 1:23 has some great advice. To paraphrase:
* marriage is a team enterprise.
* it is fair game to ask for big changes and sacrifices and to discuss them.
* supporting your spouse doesn't mean being a dishrag.
* when making changes, you have to do your homework (find the right opportunity, not just the one that gets you out of your current situation).

11:03 has some good advice, too. OP, you and your husband have some serious talking to do. It probably won't help your marriage if you shut him down from working on this together. He is unhappy, and that's reason enough to talk (although not necessarily enough reason to say yes to law school without more diligence.)

I'm glad it has worked out well for you, Mrs. 1:23. Thanks for the post.

[Anonymous]

I am Mrs. 1:23 and I loved the summary of my story -- not sure I could have done that!

I just wanted to clarify that although it worked out, and although the process of getting there was usually very respectful, it was not all roses. There was one I rejected that he really wanted -- it had some big name investors and he thought this should provide the "security" factor I was looking for (and frankly, he was impressed by them). But when he explained it to me I just kept saying "But I don't get it, how does this business make money? Did the 90's teach us nothing?" I thought it might be nothing for these fat cats to put in some money, they win some they lose some, but for us it's our paycheck and financial future on the line.

I still remember that night being out at a restaurant, with our baby in a highchair between us (hopefully oblivious to our arguing) and him saying "No risk, no reward. Do you want me to be stuck in this rat race, corporate job forever?" There were some accusations of my trying to keep him down, etc. I think I've blocked some of it out to be honest. But eventually he conceded that maybe I was right and, after a little bit of sulking, he turned down the offer. (And for closure, no, the business model did not make money -- we read about it in the Economist a year or two later and laughed.)

It is hard to make your husband unhappy (or have him perceive it this way), but I think I stuck to my guns because I know I'm not a materialistic person and also know that I'm willing to "pull my own weight" in the marriage (and btw, I did this by going back to work, but I think being a SAHM is also doing this). So I knew when I rejected his first several ideas it wasn't because I didn't want to give up his corporate income to support my shopping habits or such. I had all of our collective interest at heart.

Anyway, he is doing so well at his new job he negotiated a raise and now his salary is *almost* back to where it was at the corporate job, but with potential for more if he keeps doing as well as he is. Although he works very hard he has much more control over his schedule than his old job, and no more corporate office to go to means no more 1 hour ea. way commute -- which is great for me and our kids and was a total unexpected bonus. So everyone won in the end.