Thank you everyone for your comments.
I truly appreciate those who offered helpful and constructive advice — I will definitely take it into account. It is unfortunate that many replies were negative, because this is our first year in the U.S., and I was simply hoping to get support and understand how things work here. For example, when I asked about resources for school ratings, I was told that the site I mentioned is a “joke,” but no one explained where to actually check reliable ratings. As a newcomer, how could I know that?

And just to clarify something for those who assumed that we sent our son to boarding school because he is a “problem child,” or even questioned whether I am his mother — this is completely untrue and absurd. Our son is a normal, kind, smart boy, and we were trying to do the best for him. When we chose the school, I spent a lot of time and effort researching options. We were advised that boarding would help him integrate faster, improve his English, and make friends. We intentionally placed him with an American roommate for that reason.

We planned to move to the area as soon as we could find a house, but there are very few homes available there. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out as expected, and now we are transferring him. But academically the school is excellent — his Duolingo score improved from 70 to 105 in less than three months, and we are proud of his progress. He wanted to go to this school and was excited about the experience.

After receiving the audio transcript I was emotional, and maybe it sounded more dramatic than the real situation. In reality, things are not as terrible as some people think. His roommate annoys him, but it’s more irritation than bullying — he can stand up for himself.

Regarding the medical issue: we already resolved it. We took him to a podiatrist on a weekday and surgery was done. Before that, he had already seen a doctor several times — for those who assumed we ignored the problem. The concern about negligence was related to the school nurse refusing to do basic bandaging and suggesting sending him home for an indefinite period, even though he has upcoming performances and mid-term tests.

We have now found another school and are planning to move to that district. However, if the previous rating site is unreliable, I still don’t know where to read real reviews — and I would genuinely appreciate recommendations.

Once again, to everyone who criticized us for choosing boarding school: we made this decision for his well-being. We believed it would help him learn English faster, adapt culturally, make friends, and work toward his goals. He was not forced — he was interested and wanted to try something new.

Thank you again to those who responded with kindness and practical advice.

Anonymous wrote:I think it is easy to judge OP and ask why their family would enroll their son in boarding school so young. I also couldn’t imagine my DCs being out of my sight for longer than a school day. But as a second gen immigrant, I also remember the old family stories of walking to school barefoot and being whipped for answering classroom questions incorrectly. While these exact examples may or may not exist in today’s times, it can be useful to fully understand another person’s cultural background and upbringing before rushing to judgment about what they should or shouldn’t do.

Depending on where you from, even purely from a class (SES) perspective, your tolerance for certain conditions will differ. Especially in cultures that value the elders over children. I can say this about the culture I grew up in, you are expected respect elders, to toughen up and not complain.

As I already wrote, we chose a boarding school so that our son could learn English faster. We made this decision together as a family, and he was interested in gaining this experience. In my culture, it is not customary to yell at children and call them names, and also, in my understanding, safety should be at a high level. He studied at a school in Asia, and even there, where nothing bad ever happens, so you understand, there was not a single case of child abduction or any of the shootings that happen in America. There was security, and the guard did not let the children out of the school, did not let strangers in, and noted in the log when someone came or left.

Anonymous wrote:I would expect 12 year old boarding school kids to be brats who the parents couldn’t tolerate keeping at home. Why are you putting a nice kid there?

I have a different point of view. Many parents send their children to burgh schools in order to give them a better future. For example, many children from Korea, China, Europe, study at my son's school. This is so that they can learn English and later enter university here. My son himself wanted to try the school experience, and we considered this for his benefit, so that he could learn English faster and feel comfortable in a new country. We did this only to help him. Although for us this is absolutely unusual, because we have never had such an experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Also, as foreigners, we genuinely wanted to understand how the system works here. In our minds, the US has always been a place where children’s rights and safety are strongly protected, and if something goes wrong, there are clear mechanisms to resolve it. But in this situation it feels like we will just leave quietly, and everything that happened will go completely without consequences for the school. That part is very hard to accept.

You must not read the news at all. You haven't read about ICE yanking kids away from their families? The school-to-prison pipeline? The states that have no exception for rape when it comes to abortion for teen girls? Those big yellow school buses? You know there aren't seatbelts on them, right? You're so funny with your American fantasies of rights and safety.

I understand what you’re saying. Every country has its own problems, and I’m sure people in other parts of the world also have fantasies about safety in different places.
When you live outside the US, you mostly see the Hollywood image of America — a place with strong protection of children and strict laws. After moving here, reality looks more complicated than expected.

Anonymous wrote:They took your son to a podiatrist - I bet your son wasn't doing whatever he was supposed to on a regular basis and that's why his problems kept coming back during the week. Did your son understand the language he was being given?

No, that’s not the case. This is a boarding school — there is a full-time nurse whose job is to take care of students’ health needs on a daily basis.
After reviewing the Zoom recording between the nurse and the school administration (which they didn’t expect me to receive), it became clear that they were overwhelmed with seasonal illnesses and simply didn’t want to deal with my son’s toe properly. That’s why they repeatedly suggested that I “take him home for treatment.”

When I asked for basic weekday support — either daily care or at least letting him use the prescribed ointment — the nurse told me to remove him from school instead. For a child who barely speaks English, leaving school for an undefined period would mean falling behind academically and socially, which is not a reasonable solution.

So no, this is not about my son failing to follow instructions — it’s about the school refusing to provide appropriate care during the week.

Anonymous wrote:I hope this isn't a situation where you left your far-away country to place your child somewhere you were told was a feeder to an Ivy. Families who do boarding schools well generally have a much better understanding of what it entails than you, and know how to communicate before issues turn nasty.

There are so many great public and great private day schools in the US, OP. They offer a good education for your children, without closing doors for any university.

We actually live in New York and pick our son up every weekend. We chose a boarding school specifically because they offered a strong English-language support program for international students, and our son’s English was very limited when we arrived. We believed that being immersed in the environment would help him learn the language quickly and feel more confident.
The school also has an excellent rating (A+ on Niche), which is why the situation was especially surprising for us — we really thought we had found a good, supportive place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised you didnt take him to a doctor yourself on one of the weekends. Minute clinic or something. Infected toe is a big deal.

+1

Urgent Care wasn’t the right place in this case. He needed a professional podiatrist, and it’s almost impossible to get an appointment with one on weekends. We consulted with our family doctor as well, followed all his instructions, and treated the toe at home. Eventually, after I asked several times, the school did schedule a podiatrist appointment. So the medical situation was monitored — but definitely not handled properly from the start.

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell is a 12 year old in boarding school? 14 is bad enough. This is insane.

He’s in a boarding school only five days a week — we pick him up every weekend. We made this decision as a family because his English was very weak, and we believed full immersion Monday–Friday would help him adapt much faster. He actually wanted to try this experience himself, and we thought it would support his language progress.

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck is your TWELVE year old in boarding school? Take him out and put him in public until you can find a day private you like better. Use the Zoom recording as leverage to get your tuition back if that's important to you.

He’s in a boarding school only five days a week — we pick him up every weekend. We made this decision as a family because his English was very weak, and we believed full immersion Monday–Friday would help him adapt much faster. He actually wanted to try this experience himself, and we thought it would support his language progress.

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised you didnt take him to a doctor yourself on one of the weekends. Minute clinic or something. Infected toe is a big deal.

We actually did consult with our doctor, and the boarding school has a professional nurse and physician who are supposed to monitor students’ health. They also took him to a clinic. The situation I’m describing happened very recently — just within the last few days.

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to go to boarding school?
Have him go to a private day school wherever you are currently living?

He actually isn’t away full-time. He stays at the school Monday through Friday and comes home on weekends. We chose this option because his English was very limited when we arrived, and we felt that full immersion during the week would help him adapt and learn much faster. He also really wanted to try this experience.

Anonymous wrote:International family here, but one that has lived in the US for many years. That sounds absolutely terrible, OP. I'm sorry you've been treated this way. My kids are in public, but I used to go to a British boarding school. It wasn't great, which is why I would never send my kids to boarding school.

The solutions I would consider are:

1. Move in-bounds for a well-regarded public school system. My kids spent their K-12 in such a place, and they did well.

2. Apply to another private school, but not a boarding school. Not all require a letter of recommendation, and even if they do, you can be honest and explain that he experienced bullying issues in his previous boarding school.

I would not, at this time, waste my time and money on a lawsuit. I would just take my kid out and start afresh elsewhere.

Thank you so much for your message and perspective. We have actually already found another school that we would like to transfer to. The main concern right now is the recommendation letter, because the new private school requires it, and we are worried that the current school may retaliate and write something negative.

Also, as foreigners, we genuinely wanted to understand how the system works here. In our minds, the US has always been a place where children’s rights and safety are strongly protected, and if something goes wrong, there are clear mechanisms to resolve it. But in this situation it feels like we will just leave quietly, and everything that happened will go completely without consequences for the school. That part is very hard to accept.

I completely agree that the roommate situation should have been resolved immediately. We asked for a change several times, but the school refused to move the boys. That was very surprising, especially considering my son reported being hit and there were racial comments involved.

About the custody issue — yes, that is what worries me the most. We were able to drive into campus late at night, take our 12-year-old son, leave with him, and absolutely no one noticed or contacted us. The duty person didn’t even respond to my message informing them that we were taking him. For a boarding school, this seems extremely unsafe and I don’t understand how that is considered acceptable in the U.S.

Regarding staying calm — we fully agree. We are already in the process of transferring to another school and trying to understand if we can receive a neutral recommendation, because we are concerned about retaliation.

We are not looking to sue for money; we just want clarity about safety standards and what actions parents would normally take in this situation. As foreigners we are still learning how the system works, and this was very shocking for us.

Thank you again for your reply. I appreciate your perspective.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a parent of two boys.

I can only comment on some of this.

3) Your son needs a new roommate. There is no way to prove what was said to who. But your son reported that he was hit, and there are racial issues being discussed. The head of school should want this resolved by separating the kids. That's the only way to get this kind of situation to die down.

5) Zero chain of custody for a 12 year old at boarding school sounds negligent.

People swearing is unprofessional but more common here.

I'd keep things calm and have a meeting with the head and say the school does not seem to be a fit and the roommate is bullying. Ask the head if they can give good exit recommendations or not. See what the person says.

I think you only need a lawyer if you want to try to get money back. These issues about swearing, an ingrown toenail, fights between kids don't sound like legal matters.

You didn't get the school product that you thought you were paying for. Unfortunately, sometimes the consumer pays the cost of mistakes.

Hello everyone. We are an international family and my son (12) recently started attending a private boarding school in New York. We have been here less than 3 months, and unfortunately we have already faced multiple serious issues, and I truly don’t know what to do.

1. Medical negligence

My son had an infected ingrown toenail with pus. I repeatedly emailed the school nurse asking for help and daily care. The condition always improved when he was home on weekends, and worsened during the school week. I asked several times to take him to a podiatrist. Instead, they first took him to an Urgent Care and gave him antibiotics, which didn’t help. Later they finally took him to a podiatrist, but still the care was inconsistent. Last week the nurse wrote to me suggesting that I should take him home indefinitely to treat him, even though he feels fine, has no temperature and is not contagious.

2. Secret Zoom meeting without my knowledge

Because the nurse started accusing me by email of being a bad mother and refusing medical care (which is absolutely false), I asked to schedule a Zoom call with the director. While I was in class, she scheduled it 15 minutes later without notifying me and held the call with the school principal behind my back. They clearly didn’t expect the recording to be sent to me.

I received the full Zoom recording and transcript, and I was shocked:
• They discussed me and my child in a humiliating tone
• They used profanity about me (principal said “f***ing unbelievable” etc.)
• They called my son “silly kid”
• They said I “don’t care” and accused me of neglect
• They said I refused medical help, although I have written proof that I asked for it many times
• They mocked the fact that we live “only 1.5h away,” while in reality we are 3.5 hours away and spend 6–7 hours every weekend driving

3. Bullying in the dorm

My son’s roommate constantly bullies him:
• hits him with a telescopic stick,
• breaks his things,
• interrupts his online lessons, plays loud music, mocks him,
• says: “You can’t say anything to me, I’m Black. Try it and you’ll be punished.”

We reported this twice, but the administration ignored us. The dean told us this boy is “a perfect student” and nothing changed.

4. Public humiliation by a teacher

Recently during an event in sports hall (with many students watching), the math teacher yelled at my son:
“Shut up” / “Get out of here”
He was deeply humiliated and didn’t understand why, because nobody else was told anything.

5. Safety issues

There is zero security at the school territory. We once arrived late at night, drove onto campus freely, took our son, and nobody noticed or asked anything. Anyone could do that.

⸻

What I need advice on

We want to transfer him to a different school immediately. The problem is that new schools require recommendations, and after this situation I am afraid the principal may intentionally write a bad one and harm our son’s future.

We are in NYC, and a friend advised us to contact a lawyer (educational attorney + possibly medical negligence). This is very stressful, we feel lost, we don’t know if we are overreacting or if these are really serious violations in the US.

Questions:
• What would you do in this situation?
• Is this something an educational lawyer would handle?
• Should we file complaints officially?
• Can we request neutral recommendation letters?
• Any lawyer recommendations in NY?

Thank you so much in advance.