Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not about you, this is about him, and what a cheap and insecure person he is that he needs to get validation this way.
My guess is that it was a bet or dare with a friend—that he had to tell some girl she looks like shrek and you just happened to be the unlucky one that walked by at the wrong time. It’s totally not about you. It’s about jerks being jerks. I’m way too old but I’ve come to the conclusion that 10-15% of people are just jerks. Some of them hide it better as they get older. You can’t let them shake your sense of self though. Just ignore them, minimize your interaction with them, and know that, as they move through life, they will eventually alienate more people than they attract.

+1. That guy acted like a turd. Internet strangers are rooting for you.

Anonymous wrote:I'm brunette. My husband's brother prefers blondes. Ugly blondes. Like faces of his blonde women are a 5. He looks like a 10/10. When he looks at me, I'm invisible. I'm just not his type. My face is an 8 or 9.

So the point is, everybody has different taste. Don't let 1 boy get to you. Plus, you could be a late bloomer like me. I was only a 7 tops in high school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP one of the reasons you are getting so many kind replies is that we have all been there. I don’t think there is a woman on earth who hasn’t been told she wasn’t pretty at some point in her life - usually by a man. Even women we consider to be the most beautiful in the world have been told they aren’t right. It is the patriarchy trying to hold us down. Trying to make us think that our worth lies in how we look. You will also find out shortage of women who have bought into this idea and will work to make you feel less than for the same superficial ‘failings’. Looking a certain way is not an accomplishment. If you are beautiful - it is something that was given to you. You get can control and choose who you are and what you do. These are things that determine your worth. These are things worthy of praise or scorn. The reason middle aged women are so relaxed and happy is that we finally let go of all the insecurities around appearance. We know that partners of value, value us for who we are not how we look. We know that what Steve in accounting thinks about the size of our a$$ doesn’t matter at all. I’ve made a whole bunch of poor decisions and mistakes in my life but the one I wish I could take back is all the time I spent hating my body, hating my hair, wanting to look different than I did. It accomplished nothing and when I look back at old photos of myself, I realize that I was pretty hot. The sooner you let go of that BS, the happier you will be. I promise and nothing is more attractive than a confident woman!

Fwiw, the worst insult I dealt with came in middle school from girls I didn't even know. They ran up to me and asked, giggling, where I bought those flippers that count as my feet. I admit, my feet grew up faster than the rest of me and I wore size 9.5 at 13. Many years later, I still remember wanting to die on the spot, it sounded so humiliating and totally out of the blue.
Well, I am a 5'9" middle-agee woman now who's received a fair share of compliments from men in my adult life and I rock my size 10 footwear. I guess, my point is, OP, I know it hurts when someone insults you all of a sudden but that only means they are immature idiots. Who knows, maybe, 20 years down the road it'll be you who has the last laugh.
Wishing you all the best, OP!

Anonymous wrote:Oh Honey, how I wish that I could extend my arms out to you via cyberspace & give you the biggest hug 🫂. 🤗

Because I could have written what you have written when I was exactly your age and I am fifty-two now.

I was the ugly girl in high school.
I had the acne + wore the out-of-style clothes.
I seldom had friends and even if I had set myself on fire….right in the middle of the lunch court (!) > none of the boys who I had a crush on then would have even noticed me.
Really.

Looking back - I remember I placed such importance on being pretty and popular.
It was EVERYTHING to me.
I felt like the World’s Biggest Loser and everyday of high school was a true, living he%#.
Bar none.
Boys (and girls) called me ugly all the time as well as other names.

Nowadays I wish I could talk to my younger self.
Now a days, looking at the popular/attractive kids who used to bully me makes me sad.
Many of them have lost their looks and have thus become humbled.
I have even spoken to some of them online and I cannot believe these are the same people whose opinions that I worshipped.
And as a shallow side note, I have aged much better than them.
Because since I looked so bad back then…..well I could only go just one direction and that had to be up, right??!

All kidding aside, people will change as age does humble everyone.
And as you grow up, navigate your way throughout life and gain invaluable life experience/wisdom, you will one day realize that the only validation you truly need is your own.

You sound like a very articulate, well-spoken young lady.
I wish you only the best looking ahead.

You have a great life ahead of you!!

Anonymous wrote:There's a boy in my 8 years old daughter's class telling my DD that she looks like a boy. She came home and felt sad about it. I asked her if there were anybody else saying it. She said no. I told her since everybody sees her as a girl, and that one boy is the only one who does not, he's not normal aka weirdo.

The next day she came home and said "Daddy, I told him he's a weirdo after he said I was a boy. He stopped calling me a boy after that."

Anonymous wrote:If he has never said anything rude to you before, count it as having nothing to do with you at all. Just him having a crappy day for whatever reason and taking it out on others.

When you compliment or do something kind for someone do you do it because you feel sorry for them or feel the need to lie? I feel bad for both you and the guy who was unkind, but I trust you will do just fine. Be kind to yourself. Soak up the kindness of others and let the mean remarks slide off.

Anonymous wrote:A girl in high school once told me I was ugly. Not only am I not ugly I'm married to someone hotter and richer than her dh so at the end of the day it all worked out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP one of the reasons you are getting so many kind replies is that we have all been there. I don’t think there is a woman on earth who hasn’t been told she wasn’t pretty at some point in her life - usually by a man. Even women we consider to be the most beautiful in the world have been told they aren’t right. It is the patriarchy trying to hold us down. Trying to make us think that our worth lies in how we look. You will also find out shortage of women who have bought into this idea and will work to make you feel less than for the same superficial ‘failings’. Looking a certain way is not an accomplishment. If you are beautiful - it is something that was given to you. You get can control and choose who you are and what you do. These are things that determine your worth. These are things worthy of praise or scorn. The reason middle aged women are so relaxed and happy is that we finally let go of all the insecurities around appearance. We know that partners of value, value us for who we are not how we look. We know that what Steve in accounting thinks about the size of our a$$ doesn’t matter at all. I’ve made a whole bunch of poor decisions and mistakes in my life but the one I wish I could take back is all the time I spent hating my body, hating my hair, wanting to look different than I did. It accomplished nothing and when I look back at old photos of myself, I realize that I was pretty hot. The sooner you let go of that BS, the happier you will be. I promise and nothing is more attractive than a confident woman!

Yup. OP, every single woman that you would consider beautiful (and everyone else) has been told by some man, at some point, that she was ugly. You have to tune out that noise because it’s not a genuine reflection of reality. The only information you should take from this encounter is “this guy is a complete douchebag” and leave it at that.

Anonymous wrote:

amandbaac wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP one of the reasons you are getting so many kind replies is that we have all been there. I don’t think there is a woman on earth who hasn’t been told she wasn’t pretty at some point in her life - usually by a man. Even women we consider to be the most beautiful in the world have been told they aren’t right. It is the patriarchy trying to hold us down. Trying to make us think that our worth lies in how we look. You will also find out shortage of women who have bought into this idea and will work to make you feel less than for the same superficial ‘failings’. Looking a certain way is not an accomplishment. If you are beautiful - it is something that was given to you. You get can control and choose who you are and what you do. These are things that determine your worth. These are things worthy of praise or scorn. The reason middle aged women are so relaxed and happy is that we finally let go of all the insecurities around appearance. We know that partners of value, value us for who we are not how we look. We know that what Steve in accounting thinks about the size of our a$$ doesn’t matter at all. I’ve made a whole bunch of poor decisions and mistakes in my life but the one I wish I could take back is all the time I spent hating my body, hating my hair, wanting to look different than I did. It accomplished nothing and when I look back at old photos of myself, I realize that I was pretty hot. The sooner you let go of that BS, the happier you will be. I promise and nothing is more attractive than a confident woman!

wow thank you for this. <3 You are right but it sucks that I’ll remember his words forever..

Make sure you put the same energy into remembering the good words people say to you!!

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m really sorry. I got picked on a lot in middle school because I had a back brace. But I just focused on my (few) close friends and the activities I enjoyed, and spending time with my family and doing things I loved. By high school, many of the rude types were either deep into drugs or had matured enough not to be outright jerks anymore. I walked into my 20th reunion recently, feeling good and being glad that I kept the good memories and left the bad behind.

Nobody deserves to be treated the way you were. The best thing you can do is to go out in the world and love yourself and be kind to others.

Anonymous wrote:OP one of the reasons you are getting so many kind replies is that we have all been there. I don’t think there is a woman on earth who hasn’t been told she wasn’t pretty at some point in her life - usually by a man. Even women we consider to be the most beautiful in the world have been told they aren’t right. It is the patriarchy trying to hold us down. Trying to make us think that our worth lies in how we look. You will also find out shortage of women who have bought into this idea and will work to make you feel less than for the same superficial ‘failings’. Looking a certain way is not an accomplishment. If you are beautiful - it is something that was given to you. You get can control and choose who you are and what you do. These are things that determine your worth. These are things worthy of praise or scorn. The reason middle aged women are so relaxed and happy is that we finally let go of all the insecurities around appearance. We know that partners of value, value us for who we are not how we look. We know that what Steve in accounting thinks about the size of our a$$ doesn’t matter at all. I’ve made a whole bunch of poor decisions and mistakes in my life but the one I wish I could take back is all the time I spent hating my body, hating my hair, wanting to look different than I did. It accomplished nothing and when I look back at old photos of myself, I realize that I was pretty hot. The sooner you let go of that BS, the happier you will be. I promise and nothing is more attractive than a confident woman!

Anonymous wrote:hey OP, Don’t let this guy define you or bring you down. He sounds like a jerk and jerks are usually jerks because they have some other jerk being a jerk to THEM. Regardless. I took a look at some pics of shrek and he has big eyes and a really wide smile. Those are lovely attributes.

Anonymous wrote:Oh OP, you are completely lovely. That comes through in your posts. I didn’t express myself nearly as well at your age, but was I attuned to others in the way that you are (reflected in the way you thank and connect with each poster).

Anonymous wrote:+1 to the peaking in hs. And the things you learn in hs help you deal with life. And when you are in college, you will find your people.

And when I am feeling really sad or down, I try to think about those less fortunate. Like that family who is burying their 10 yr old bc of bullying.

And know this, beauty come from within. Some of the funniest, kindest people I know aren’t typically gorgeous. But guess what, they have self confidence bc they are good ppl with good heart.

Let that loser stew in his own juices.

Anonymous wrote:Ugly is what came out of his mouth, and so that ugly is inside of him. That is where it lives, and he let out.

Every time a person behaves in a crude, rude, mean manner, that behavior is coming from inside of them. Something happened to them somewhere along the line that made them capable of cruelty. The people who get hit with their terrible meanness are not the source of it, they just got in the way when it came out. You don't cause it or deserve it. Recognize that.

Now, when someone else's mean vomit hits you, you can choose to leave it there or wash it off. I suggest you wash it off. You don't want his most vile inner badness sticking to you.

There are so many lovely people in the world. Save your mental space for them, and put that boy and his problems out of your mind. Or feel sorry for him and try to find empathy for whatever happened to him to make him behave that way; but do not feel sorry for yourself on his account. I have a feeling you won't, because by posting here you found a way to change the narrative for yourself. You are strong.