Anonymous wrote:You make zero references to your children and I find that really sad. Do you not care how they are seeing their mom being treated? Do you not care that you aren't setting a good example for them? All I've heard is ME ME ME...not what is best for you children.

I am always thinking of my children and anyone that knows me knows that I put them before myself. I was told so many times how it bothered him that I put them before him, so how could I expect him to put me before his family. I was trying to weigh everything, the contribution he was giving helped enough so they could have some extra's instead of that money going to the other half of the electric bill, that is also why we are still in this house because they love it and after what they have been through I did not want to have to move them out of the house they have known their whole life. I am realizing more now, that is why I am doing this.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you aren't even DIVORCED yet. Please, give yourself time to heal from what your ex did to you as well as your medical problems. Enjoy some time with your children. Get stronger and find someone who treats you how you deserve to be treated.

What my ex did was 2 years before we even started dating, I'm as healed as I am gonna get from that and the medical problems aren't going away.

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. I know it hurt to see him react that way but it shows you how little he cared, right?

I guess, he says he loves me but is not around to support someone else's kids. I find that hysterical since he was not even covering his usage here.

Anonymous wrote:I'm still not entirely sure this is a real post considering how OP went from a totally spineless, "I deserve to be treated like this" mentality to "I showed him this thread and he is leaving" fairly quickly.

If it is true, please hold your ground. Think about the example you are setting for your children, who seem like they are old enough to pick up on this. Do you really want them raised in this type of environment? It's a terrible example of how to be treated and how to treat someone who you "love".

I have no idea to prove that I am real, any suggestions?? This has been an ongoing issue for a while and I have been building resentment from this and other issues, I was just trying to stick the financial aspect of it. He has been staying at parents for a little bit so this was not out of the blue. I showed him this thread because like I said I wanted to be as honest as possible and get real feedback on how to handle this and show him that it is not me being greedy and how looking at our situation from the outside of what is fair and right and get ideas of how other people handle these type of issues. I don't know anyone with a blended family and have no idea the fair way to handle it, so it wasn't that I felt I deserved to be treated this way, I feel manipulated into thinking that I was wrong for wanting more, and out of love, let it go. That is why I even put the 44% from my tenant because I wanted it to be as accurate as possible to get honest opinions. I love him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and I am not sure I would rather be alone then to not feel that I am not more important to him than money. I always cave and either way I lose.

He always has a way of twisting everything to some how be my fault.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since OP is still around, I will assume this is for real, but as a divorced mother of 2, I’m having trouble believing it.

I’m especially concerned that you are not reading and understanding what EVERY PP has said to you. This isn’t a close call. This is a situation where you are clinging to someone who has said, not beating around the bush, at all…that he’s not looking to be your partner in life and he’s not even interested in being a parental figure to your kids. I get that they have a father, and maybe you don’t need/want that extent of a relationship…but they will be part of his “family,” should you get married (which I concur is a horrific idea!!!!!!!!!). You can get laughs and some good sex from another guy. And maybe, just maybe, that guy will treat you properly, want to take care of you (even if you don’t let him or want that) and will want to love your kids and have your kids show love back. I would run for the hills from any guy who doesn’t view my kids as a wonderful asset to our lives. Putting the very strange financial arrangements aside, I’m concerned that you want to be with (and live with!) a man that doesn’t want to be a family with you. This is troubling. I cringe thinking about these financial discussions. That’s not your biggest problem though. This is not the right guy for you, on any level. Please consider talking to a neutral 3rd party who can help you to understand that this is not good for you.

I’m wondering, but scared to know the answer – how old are your kids and what do they think of the guy?

I am real and every single word of what I have posted has been true. I may be naive, I may want to believe that when someone tells me they love me they mean it, just because I always try to do right by everyone, does not mean that anyone else will also. I would never cause someone pain for my own benefit and wanted to believe that no one would do that to me, does not me. I have always tried to look for the good in people. Thank you to everyone that responded it has been a heartbreaking eye opener.

Oh, OP. He may mean it when he says he loves you. Narcissistic and selfish assholes can love too (so can serial killers, physical abusers, and molesters). But that doesn't mean it's not abusive, unhealthy or just plain wrong. I'm glad this is an eye opener for you - and trust me when I say that the heartbreak you're feeling now is nothing to the heartbreak you'll feel in the future if you stay with him. Good luck.

OP...Well, I showed him how everyone thinks and all the feed back I got today and told him that it is not fair and he should not be living here rent free and wanted him to chip in a fair percent. He said no and packed up a truck full of stuff and is coming back for the rest, said he feels used cause what do I even do to show him I love him anyway.

My fiance and I are in our early 40's and have been living together for four years in my house with my two children from a previous marriage, he has never been married and has no children. He also owns two houses that he collects rent from. The first year that he lived here he didn't pay anything (we split food shopping at first, then he paid for all) and wasn't working steady since he needed some down time and had enough money saved to do so. He then got a job that pays really well about 3x more than me and that is me including my child support with that, (he does work more hours than me). I also have a tenant that pays about 44% of mortgage and no utilities detached from house. I felt he should chip in financially, not fair that I pay all the bills. So he took the cable bill, and gives money which is about equal to half of electric bill and about 70% of the food shopping cost. I pay mortgage, anything that breaks, oil, water, everything else. During this period he has had the opportunity to save thousands, so he can retire very early. I get a good amount for child support and alimony but am living check to check, with their father being behind. I am also dishing out thousands to pay a lawyer to finalize the divorce which was prolonged for medical insurance reasons (which of course is my issue, just trying to give an idea of bills) I rarely buy anything for myself and buy only necessary clothes for kids and some extras, I have never owned a new car. They do not have smart phones or tablets, they saved birthday money to buy their own laptops, I do give them spending money for ice cream and to go to movies and such and was trying to put a little away for college (which is only 3 years away for one). I have never been materialistic and would never be with someone for what they can buy me. We split when we go out to eat. We split if we go away. He does buy me nice presents for occasions and takes me away for birthdays. I do the majority of the cleaning and yard maintenance, he has repaired things in the past and helps with yard work, decorating for the holidays etc. "as favors, since it is my house" (I pay for the items), (I have also helped out with things his houses needed between tenants, painting, cleaning, raking etc.) he does dishes, garbage etc. My house is in need of more repairs that I don't have the money for (roof , plumbing, but can still wait), but it is well kept and clean. We can not agree what would be a fair amount for him to contribute. He feels that since they are not his kids and not his house, that the amount he gives now is too much, I feel it is not enough. I suggested we live in one of his houses and I rent my house out and profit for awhile, but that is out of the question, cause his houses are a "business". It doesn't cost him anything to live at his parents and feels I am the one benefiting by him living here and contributing to any of the bills, since without him living there I would get nothing. I really need some feedback or advice from an outsider, am I being greedy by wanting him to financially chip in more or should he be paying more of a percent? These issues are building resentment, I wish there was a formula (income, %, kids, bills) Thanks for reading if you made it all the way through, any suggestions are appreciated.