Can I tell my SIL her guest bedroom mattress is shot?

[Anonymous]

We stay with my DW's sister and her family when we travel to see her extended family. They are unbelievably incredibly amazingly generous and we are extraordinarily grateful for their hospitality.

However, the mattress in their guest bedroom is completely shot. It has a crater in the middle, so DW and I end up rolling together in a hot, angry pile. It squeaks every time either of us moves. The sides have some high-tension wire binding that actually cuts into your skin if you sit on the edge too long. Honestly, we never get a decent night's sleep.

Is there any way to tell her this that doesn't sound like we are ungrateful glassbowls? SIL buys quality stuff, so a new mattress will run them $1K minimum.

She has other guests from time to time, but I would say we represent at least 75% of her guest traffic.

Do we offer to help pay for a new mattress? Or just suck it up?

[Anonymous]

No, they are adults.

You either deal with it or decline their invitation and sleep in a hotel.

My in laws told us our mattress was terrible when we were younger and really didn't have money to buy a mattress (my own parents bought our kid's mattress around that time) and I will never forget how bad it made me feel. They weren't trying to be mean, but they are clueless and of the mindset that adult kids should always treat their parents, even if they have no means to do so.

[Anonymous]

I would appreciate you telling me my mattress was shot. If family won't tell you this sort of thing, who will?

FWIW - I grew up poor and am still poor by DCUM standards. I want my guests to be comfortable and I want to know if something is making them uncomfortable. Good mattresses don't have to cost $1K!

[Anonymous]

Buy a new mattress for them. That's a nice gesture. Have your wife make the offer and buy it. If I was SIL, I would appreciate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy a new mattress for them. That's a nice gesture. Have your wife make the offer and buy it. If I was SIL, I would appreciate that.

If you want to make it easier, say you have a back problem and need a certain mattress. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

They probably never sleep there so they do not know. If you are family I think you could tell them in a kind way, and if you stay there often, offer to help with the costs.

[Anonymous]

Well, DUH.

She wouldn't be happy if you kept that a secret, you know.

[Anonymous]

Your DW tells her sibling. You keep your mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would appreciate you telling me my mattress was shot. If family won't tell you this sort of thing, who will?

FWIW - I grew up poor and am still poor by DCUM standards. I want my guests to be comfortable and I want to know if something is making them uncomfortable. Good mattresses don't have to cost $1K!

+1

I'd have your wife tell her sister that the guest mattress is shot, not as a criticism, but just sharing a fact that she's unlikely to be aware of because most people don't sleep on their own guest mattresses. Don't offer to help pay for a new mattress. If they don't voluntarily tell you they got a new mattress, then just stay in a hotel the next time you visit. If they ask why, I think it's fair to say that it's because you have a hard time getting sleep on the mattress.

[Anonymous]

Your wife should be the one to tell her sister. Not you. Your wife.

"Hey, we love staying with you - it's so much fun. I just wanted to let you know your mattress is shot. I know we're 3/4ths of your guest room traffic so we'd be happy to spring for a new one if you want. There are a ton of sales."

[Anonymous]

Yes. My MIL basically said this because it hurt her back. Any way your wife can tell sis it makes your back hurt and offer to buy a new one?

I got a memory foam one from Amazon for $400 and now my ILs rave about its comfort. I used the old box spring. As it isn’t used often, a cheaper one will work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife should be the one to tell her sister. Not you. Your wife.

"Hey, we love staying with you - it's so much fun. I just wanted to let you know your mattress is shot. I know we're 3/4ths of your guest room traffic so we'd be happy to spring for a new one if you want. There are a ton of sales."

+1. I would want my sibling to tell me (in a nice way). You could also suggest staying in a hotel next time if you don’t want to offer to pay for a new one.

[Anonymous]

Offer a mattress as a thanks, stay at a hotel or just be flexible!

My poor mother-in-law — over the years, my husband and I slept on these beds - all were fine.

A sibling-in-law complained about every mattress and bed slept upon. Over 20 years, my MIL bought like 4 different types of mattresses and beds to try to accommodate and kinda got a complex trying to make comfortable accommodations.

[Anonymous]

My mom told me. We ordered one of those new mattresses in a box folded up and bought a topper from target. Now we get compliments!

[Anonymous]

I would want to know. My parents told me our guest mattress was going. I told them to pick the replacement and I’d buy it.