Can I tell my SIL her guest bedroom mattress is shot?

[Anonymous]

Jkirsh64 wrote:I would definitely want to know. And a good lesson for those of us with guests. Ask your guests if the mattress is ok or if it needs replacing (assuming you have an older mattress).

Don’t do that. Spend the night in your room if you want to know about the mattress.

[Anonymous]

Better if it comes from DW. I would want to know. I would not want you to offer to pay for a new one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousins very gently broke the news to me when I asked them one morning, “did you sleep all right?” They looked at each other significantly….and I was like, “What?! Please tell me!” And they broke it to me that they hated my mattress. Granted, I had had it since I was in college in 1992. Basically, i owed that matters money. It had done its job.

I was so grateful to my cousins for telling me the truth and embarrassed that they stayed many times without saying anything!

Unless they’re poor, I would tell them. And if you have the $ to offer to spring for one, I would do that.

Most people would react like you, I would want to know because I want my guests to be happy and comfortable.

[Anonymous]

My ILs have mattresses in guest rooms that are literally 40+ years old. Same ones from when DH and brother were children. They have enough money to replace, and no idea why they don't.

I would tell them or buy them a new one if it were my own parents. But we don't say anything, just very rarely stay there. Last time DH brought a blow-up bed to place on floor next to the bed, and he felt all guulty about it the whole time, hahaha.

Because they don't sleep on those mattresses and they don't think about them. I'd say something to my sibling. I would not offer to buy a new mattress. If they don't want to replace it and it's genuinely awful, I'd stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousins very gently broke the news to me when I asked them one morning, “did you sleep all right?” They looked at each other significantly….and I was like, “What?! Please tell me!” And they broke it to me that they hated my mattress. Granted, I had had it since I was in college in 1992. Basically, i owed that matters money. It had done its job.

I was so grateful to my cousins for telling me the truth and embarrassed that they stayed many times without saying anything!

Unless they’re poor, I would tell them. And if you have the $ to offer to spring for one, I would do that.

Most people would react like you, I would want to know because I want my guests to be happy and comfortable.

Same here. But I would not want you to offer to buy a new one, unless you wanted me to get something very specific. If you were just saying that the existing mattress is shot and you're fine with me replacing it with whatever, then don't offer to buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“We’re planning on staying in a hotel this time. My back has been really finicky lately.”

“Oh, is our mattress uncomfortable?”

“It hasn’t been working for my back—but we’d be more than happy to pay for a new mattress if you were thinking of getting one.”

That's too passive aggressive. Just say - the mattress is shot, we'd be happy to buy you a new one if you want, since we're the ones always staying on it.

If someone played that whole "we're staying in a hotel" thing I'd just let them stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Jkirsh64 wrote:I would definitely want to know. And a good lesson for those of us with guests. Ask your guests if the mattress is ok or if it needs replacing (assuming you have an older mattress).

Don’t do that. Spend the night in your room if you want to know about the mattress.

No. I like my bedroom. I will expect my guests - mostly close relatives - to feel comfortable enough with me that they can tell me what they think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My ILs have mattresses in guest rooms that are literally 40+ years old. Same ones from when DH and brother were children. They have enough money to replace, and no idea why they don't.

I would tell them or buy them a new one if it were my own parents. But we don't say anything, just very rarely stay there. Last time DH brought a blow-up bed to place on floor next to the bed, and he felt all guulty about it the whole time, hahaha.

Because they don't sleep on those mattresses and they don't think about them. I'd say something to my sibling. I would not offer to buy a new mattress. If they don't want to replace it and it's genuinely awful, I'd stay in a hotel.

Honestly, it would occur to me at some point over 40 years that I had never replaced a mattress

[Anonymous]

Sisters should be able to be frank with each other on this.
"I love coming to see you but I need to beg for one change. I'm basically making that room our second home since we're here so often so can I buy a new mattress for that bed? Dan rolls into the middle of that one and takes up the whole thing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My ILs have mattresses in guest rooms that are literally 40+ years old. Same ones from when DH and brother were children. They have enough money to replace, and no idea why they don't.

I would tell them or buy them a new one if it were my own parents. But we don't say anything, just very rarely stay there. Last time DH brought a blow-up bed to place on floor next to the bed, and he felt all guulty about it the whole time, hahaha.

Because they don't sleep on those mattresses and they don't think about them. I'd say something to my sibling. I would not offer to buy a new mattress. If they don't want to replace it and it's genuinely awful, I'd stay in a hotel.

Honestly, it would occur to me at some point over 40 years that I had never replaced a mattress

You'd think, but I don't think it actually does occur to most people to think about how long they've had a mattress that they never sleep on.

[Anonymous]

My BIL had a guest bed like that, except it's ridiculously convex and we kept slipped off the sides. It was also really high, and at 5'7" I needed a step ladder just to climb onto the bed. He would be butt hurt if we stayed at a hotel. Finally H talked to him about it and he replaced something, probably the box spring to make it lower.

I would want my guests, especially family, to let me know that the mattress is faulty or uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They probably never sleep there so they do not know. If you are family I think you could tell them in a kind way, and if you stay there often, offer to help with the costs.

+1

I've always appreciated when my family and close friends have told me what a guest space needs (a full length mirror, a dresser). They have always been really kind about it and they clearly enjoy visiting, so no bad feelings. I never sleep there and spend days there, so I was genuinely grateful to know!

[Anonymous]

OP, you are the Brother in Law? No. Your wife tells her.

[Anonymous]

Only if you are planning to buy its replacement.