MIL and Step-MIL always gossip about me to each other

[Anonymous]

So my FIL’s ex wife and new wife constantly gossip about me. There’s really not much to say. I’m not particularly controversial and have bent over backwards to please them over the years and make sure their grandkids are involved. Both are fine but super narcissistic and have never asked me anything about myself or show any kind of care or love towards me (when I lost parents, for example, just very cold). It’s the worst having basically two mother in laws! Would you confront at some point or just ignore? I know they do it as a way to bond because they don’t have much in common and have too much time on their hands.

[Anonymous]

How do you know? When would they even be in touch?

This is so weird. Just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I wouldn't confront. You'll never win. It'll always be 2 against 1 and when it really gets rough - 3 against 1 because the FIL will agree one or both.

Wow - I feel sorry for you and hope you can at least grey rock them.

[Anonymous]

FIL isn’t really the type to get involved or gossip at all, thank god.

They tell me they do it. One will not be happy with something I made a decision on and will discuss with the other one. They live across the country and there is no real reason for them to even talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FIL isn’t really the type to get involved or gossip at all, thank god.

They tell me they do it. One will not be happy with something I made a decision on and will discuss with the other one. They live across the country and there is no real reason for them to even talk.

Stop telling them your decisions!

[Anonymous]

I kinda love that the two MILs are on such good terms that they will gossip together (though I understand your frustration with it),

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kinda love that the two MILs are on such good terms that they will gossip together (though I understand your frustration with it),

I was thinking the same thing. I do feel for OP - no one likes to be the subject of gossip.

[Anonymous]

Either stop oversharing or make up salacious stories about yourself so they have something interesting to gossip about.

[Anonymous]

Stop making an effort with them. Why do so many of you do this? I facilitate grandparent involvement with my kids on my terms, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either stop oversharing or make up salacious stories about yourself so they have something interesting to gossip about.

I don't overshare. This will about things like I took 2 days to get back to them when they sent a package, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either stop oversharing or make up salacious stories about yourself so they have something interesting to gossip about.

I don't overshare. This will about things like I took 2 days to get back to them when they sent a package, etc.

So they talked about a package you sent. Who cares? You’re an adult. You don’t need the approval of two old ladies. Get on with your life.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you could get creative and have some fun with this.

-send them both the same gift for holiday
-send them different, but equally ridiculous gifts
-make 2 different versions of holiday card, send them each a different one.
-maybe the holiday card has a collage of photos that includes one grandma but not the other, hahaha
- send a thank you card but accidentally misdirect it to the other one..

I don't know, just off the top of my head

[Anonymous]

Ignore them and have limited polite contact. If you are hearing about this through DH, tell him to stop telling you their gossip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you could get creative and have some fun with this.

-send them both the same gift for holiday
-send them different, but equally ridiculous gifts
-make 2 different versions of holiday card, send them each a different one.
-maybe the holiday card has a collage of photos that includes one grandma but not the other, hahaha
- send a thank you card but accidentally misdirect it to the other one..

I don't know, just off the top of my head

NP. Heehee

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FIL isn’t really the type to get involved or gossip at all, thank god.

They tell me they do it. One will not be happy with something I made a decision on and will discuss with the other one. They live across the country and there is no real reason for them to even talk.

Stop telling them your decisions!

+1.

Don’t give them info. Don’t give details. Don’t discuss, explain, or try to please them.

“Nancy and I were just saying we don’t think it’s OK for Billy to be in dance classes.”

“Well, Jean, it’s none of my business what you and Nancy discuss, but I want to make sure you know that I don’t care, at all, what you two think of the decisions I make. So keep on talking, but don’t bother telling me about things like that.”