I always feel defensive! What’s my problem?
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Anonymous
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I was never like this before kids.
Example: yesterday I met up with a new mother from older kid’s preschool for a park date. The other mother is lovely and friendly and by no means pushy or a know it all. Her oldest is one month older than mine and her baby is one month younger than mine. My oldest is still in diapers and I noticed that her oldest is in underwear and I asked if he was potty trained and she said yes. I asked for how long and she said since about 22 months. Then I felt on the defense and went into a diatribe about how our pediatrician said to wait and blah-blah-blah. I fricking asked the question! The other mother nursed her baby and said nothing about it and again I went off on how I weaned my baby at six months and how great it was for her to be off the breast and taking formula. The poor woman just smiled. Honestly, (and kindly, hopefully) what is wrong with me?! I have to stop this crap. |
Anonymous
| Post partum anxiety can cause this sort of hyper viligence. |
Anonymous
| At least you're recognizing it. Consider therapy, and also whether it could be PPA/PPD manifesting. |
Anonymous
| Another vote to be evaluated for anxiety, perhaps related to being post partum. The good news is that if it is anxiety, it’s pretty easy to treat. |
Anonymous
| I’m glad you recognize this - but you were honestly, really rude. She never brought these issues up. I’m glad you’re getting help. |
Anonymous
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Good for you for recognizing it. I was a little like that too. Next time, just compliment the other mom. "Oh wow, good job with the potty training, give me some tips!"
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Anonymous
| It’s your own insecurities OP. The other person doesn’t need to say anything or even be there. Your own ideas about what you “should” or what your kids “should” be doing is interfering with the reality. It’s one thing when it’s about your parenting but if you continue on this path your kids will grow up never meeting your expectations. I suggest therapy (and I’m in therapy myself so it’s not an insult). |
Anonymous
| Like Pp said, it's your own insecurities. I'm betting if you look back, insecurity, validation, etc are things you always struggled with pre kids but it wasn't as obvious. I also recommend therapy |
Anonymous
| When I do this crap it’s because I’ve either been judged in the past or because I know I screwed up. My mother once commented, “Know your enemy and don’t confuse him with an ally”. |
Anonymous
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I definitely recognized this as my own mother has always done it. Once she told a friend’s mother, who just said her daughter was going to Northwestern University, that she was so glad I didn’t get in because Penn (where I was going) was a much better school!!
DH knows the story and whenever my mom does it or I do it he just whispers “Northwestern” and I immediately stop. |
Anonymous
| One up syndrome? I respond kindly to ease the awkwardness. In your case, I would have said, your kids are so well adjusted, so keep on keepin' on mama. You're aware your doing it, so just stop doing it. Cold turkey! You don't need a therapist, just knock it off. |
Anonymous
| I kicked a friend to the curb for this because it was just exhausting, and then I felt like I had to suddenly be on the defense and I didn’t like being that person either. Good you recognize it. |
Anonymous
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Congrats! Self awareness is a great thing! Now what will you do? Some good tips here. Good luck!!
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Anonymous
Nope, not enough for congratulations. She owes that other mother a serious apology. |
Anonymous
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On one hand I would have had empathy for you and your kids. On the other hand I would have been annoyed.
It’s great that you recognize this. Everyone has their moment. Don’t beat yourself up….the world is doing this to all of us. |