Only problem with preschool is that DC misses Nanny

[Anonymous]

Our 3 yr old started preschool for five hours a day. These hours were five of the eight hours he used to spend with his nanny. Although he loves school, he cries that he doesn’t have any time with nanny anymore. He’s started begging her to stay later and wants her to “put [the baby] away” and “only talk to me”. DH and I spend the same amount of time with him and the same hours so he’s only focused on his nanny.

Anyone else in this situation? Would you extend your nanny’s hours to accommodate your child getting more one-on-one time with her (if nanny is willing)? Or will this stage pass?

[Anonymous]

How long has he been in school? It sounds like the nanny is with a younger sibling too? How old is the sibling? Does preschool mean that he is only getting time with the nanny during the baby’s witching hour?

[Anonymous]

Ask your nanny to stay later if you can afford it and she’s willing but like everything else this phase will pass. Plus he’s really going to have lots of time with nanny on the countless sick days and school holidays.

It’s sweet really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long has he been in school? It sounds like the nanny is with a younger sibling too? How old is the sibling? Does preschool mean that he is only getting time with the nanny during the baby’s witching hour?

OP here. He’s been in school for three full weeks. Yes, we have a ten-month-old but she’s past the witching hour. However the baby is also now used to nanny’s attention and is more clingy and demanding of her attention when the older comes home. If I could stop working earlier, the baby would be happy with me but I can’t.

[Anonymous]

It might be nice for your son to have one-on-one time with his nanny if all parties are agreeable. Kind of a special treat for going to school.

DS is eight and still very close to his former nanny. When he’s on FaceTime with her or she visits, he doesn’t want me, DH, or his little sister even talking to her.

[Anonymous]

Why is he in prek for 5 hrs?? Ours is 9-12 MWF which is the perfect combo.

[Anonymous]

I would not extend nanny's hours -- that will only prolong the transition, which must happen eventually.

I would plan a couple "dates" with the nanny (if she's down) where she and he do something special together on their own. Could be on a weekday after he finishes school (one of you would take the afternoon off to take the baby), or you could schedule something on a weekend (could see if she'd be willing to trade out a morning from during the week for a Saturday morning or something). Plan it, put it on the calendar, etc. Maybe do something like that ever couple weeks or once a month so that he can maintain this bond with his nanny.

I think extending her hours to accommodate his requests is an untenable situation that just kicks the can down the road. I think the goal should be to help him acclimate to his new schedule (he will settle in at school and that will help lessen how much he misses the nanny and being home) and to teach him that people come in and out of your life but there are ways to maintain those relationships without demanding that things stay exactly the same. Teaching this to him now will help him in the future as he deals with other transitions and shifts in his relationships with teachers, friends, neighbors, his family, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is he in prek for 5 hrs?? Ours is 9-12 MWF which is the perfect combo.

Preschool not pre k and it just is. It’s a great school but I wish it were shorter too. All the good preschools in our area are four to five hours. But I’m a firm believer in five days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he in prek for 5 hrs?? Ours is 9-12 MWF which is the perfect combo.

Preschool not pre k and it just is. It’s a great school but I wish it were shorter too. All the good preschools in our area are four to five hours. But I’m a firm believer in five days a week.

^^ 5hrs/M-Fri is A LOT for a 3 yr old especially as a first timer.

Part of it is the sheer exhaustion of that long day and the other part is this very radical (at least to your 3 yrold) change in routine. Up until now, all she's ever known in her little universe is nanny. Now you've done a 180 on your 3 yr old and placed her in 5 hrs of preschool everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he in prek for 5 hrs?? Ours is 9-12 MWF which is the perfect combo.

Preschool not pre k and it just is. It’s a great school but I wish it were shorter too. All the good preschools in our area are four to five hours. But I’m a firm believer in five days a week.

^^ 5hrs/M-Fri is A LOT for a 3 yr old especially as a first timer.

Part of it is the sheer exhaustion of that long day and the other part is this very radical (at least to your 3 yrold) change in routine. Up until now, all she's ever known in her little universe is nanny. Now you've done a 180 on your 3 yr old and placed her in 5 hrs of preschool everyday.

I don't think this is that big of a deal. She will adjust to preschool and is at an age where that increased social exposure can have a wonderful impact on her. And I agree with OP that 5 days a week is best. Our 3 year old was in a MWF morning program, and we thought it was okay but hard. When we switched her to a 5 day a week program that extended into lunch and nap (kids could stay for nap time at school or parents could pick up at the end of lunch so kids could nap at home), she acclimated so much faster and we also saw so many other great benefits -- she got better at making friends, her social skills with both kids and adults really increased, she was much more consistent with using the potty and other self-care things because we had the same routine every day and she had lots of practice. She also started understanding time better and her thinking around days of the week and time of day got much more organized. It was hard at first but then she got used to it and it was MUCH better than the 3 days a week schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he in prek for 5 hrs?? Ours is 9-12 MWF which is the perfect combo.

Preschool not pre k and it just is. It’s a great school but I wish it were shorter too. All the good preschools in our area are four to five hours. But I’m a firm believer in five days a week.

^^ 5hrs/M-Fri is A LOT for a 3 yr old especially as a first timer.

Part of it is the sheer exhaustion of that long day and the other part is this very radical (at least to your 3 yrold) change in routine. Up until now, all she's ever known in her little universe is nanny. Now you've done a 180 on your 3 yr old and placed her in 5 hrs of preschool everyday.

I don't think this is that big of a deal. She will adjust to preschool and is at an age where that increased social exposure can have a wonderful impact on her. And I agree with OP that 5 days a week is best. Our 3 year old was in a MWF morning program, and we thought it was okay but hard. When we switched her to a 5 day a week program that extended into lunch and nap (kids could stay for nap time at school or parents could pick up at the end of lunch so kids could nap at home), she acclimated so much faster and we also saw so many other great benefits -- she got better at making friends, her social skills with both kids and adults really increased, she was much more consistent with using the potty and other self-care things because we had the same routine every day and she had lots of practice. She also started understanding time better and her thinking around days of the week and time of day got much more organized. It was hard at first but then she got used to it and it was MUCH better than the 3 days a week schedule.

I'm glad your kid adjusted but clearly it's not the case for Op. Her kid is visibly upset and to the point of begging to have more time with nanny (probably wanting his old routine back)

[Anonymous]

How very sad that he misses the nanny and not his mom! I am so glad I stayed home with my kids and formed a close bond with them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he in prek for 5 hrs?? Ours is 9-12 MWF which is the perfect combo.

Preschool not pre k and it just is. It’s a great school but I wish it were shorter too. All the good preschools in our area are four to five hours. But I’m a firm believer in five days a week.

^^ 5hrs/M-Fri is A LOT for a 3 yr old especially as a first timer.

Part of it is the sheer exhaustion of that long day and the other part is this very radical (at least to your 3 yrold) change in routine. Up until now, all she's ever known in her little universe is nanny. Now you've done a 180 on your 3 yr old and placed her in 5 hrs of preschool everyday.

I don't think this is that big of a deal. She will adjust to preschool and is at an age where that increased social exposure can have a wonderful impact on her. And I agree with OP that 5 days a week is best. Our 3 year old was in a MWF morning program, and we thought it was okay but hard. When we switched her to a 5 day a week program that extended into lunch and nap (kids could stay for nap time at school or parents could pick up at the end of lunch so kids could nap at home), she acclimated so much faster and we also saw so many other great benefits -- she got better at making friends, her social skills with both kids and adults really increased, she was much more consistent with using the potty and other self-care things because we had the same routine every day and she had lots of practice. She also started understanding time better and her thinking around days of the week and time of day got much more organized. It was hard at first but then she got used to it and it was MUCH better than the 3 days a week schedule.

I'm glad your kid adjusted but clearly it's not the case for Op. Her kid is visibly upset and to the point of begging to have more time with nanny (probably wanting his old routine back)

If your reaction to a child crying or getting upset over a hard transition is "change it back" then it's gonna be a tough road, frankly. You have to work with kids at this age to help them manage the transition. It is an opportunity to grow and learn. Three is not too young for that lesson, you just must be gentle and kind (which I'd also advise at pretty much any age, actually).

[Anonymous]

Nanny here and I think you just move forward with the schedule as it stands. Nanny should try to build some kind of special hello routine, like ready books and snuggling and having a snack right when he gets home, but other than that just give him time.

[Anonymous]

Has the preschool teacher mentioned that your DS is melting down at school? If he is okay at school, just give him more time to get used to the situation. Funny, he isn’t missing his parents?