How did your high schooler make new friends?

[Anonymous]

DD (freshman) knows nobody in her school. She says that people don’t really talk to each other in classes. Is this true? How do people connect? Are clubs the only way?

[Anonymous]

After school clubs and sports. When she’s a bit older, a summer job.

[Anonymous]

PE class where it's easier to talk without disrupting / missing things. Also you can find your way to a table at lunch where others seem to be sitting alone and say "hi". It is gradual and I suspect a lot of people are wondering how to navigate this.

[Anonymous]

Sports, clubs, school bus.

[Anonymous]

My son was in the same boat as a freshman coming from private middle school. He met some kids in PE and others working on group projects/labs. 10th grade he joined the school paper and that made a huge difference. Kids tended to be friendly and approachable on the paper. He also found he had to interview other staff and students for articles. It was intimidating at first but gave him more confidence striking up a conversation.

[Anonymous]

Stinky fresh homegrown buds. You’re welcome.

[Anonymous]

Clubs and sports.

[Anonymous]

Agree with having her join a club or do a sport.

[Anonymous]

DD mainly through marching band. Most of DS's new friends were made in his daily homeroom class where the kids do have time to relax and talk.

[Anonymous]

It’s not that way at my DD’s school…lots of chatter. I agree, join a club or activity. It can be tough. It takes time, but jump right in!

[Anonymous]

I’m a high school teacher. It’s still early in the year so it’ll come with time. It’s hard for us to find ways to make that happen for them. I don’t like forcing group work on kids so I don’t require it which might cut off one avenue of friend making in service of reducing stress on the kids. but also they’re very tied to their phones. The result is they don’t often speak to eachother in class unless they’re already friends and when there’s a chance to do so they pull out their phone and look at that. There’s not a lot of just spontaneous “there’s nothing else to do so let’s talk to each other” convo happening in classrooms anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a high school teacher. It’s still early in the year so it’ll come with time. It’s hard for us to find ways to make that happen for them. I don’t like forcing group work on kids so I don’t require it which might cut off one avenue of friend making in service of reducing stress on the kids. but also they’re very tied to their phones. The result is they don’t often speak to eachother in class unless they’re already friends and when there’s a chance to do so they pull out their phone and look at that. There’s not a lot of just spontaneous “there’s nothing else to do so let’s talk to each other” convo happening in classrooms anymore.

My MS kids also say half the kids on the bus are completely into their phones and never talk.

[Anonymous]

When my DD started high school she had a big shift in her friend group even though she already knew everyone ( small town public.) In middle school her friends were mostly based on proximity, in high school they all shifted to people that she spent time with in clubs and activities. There’s a big social reshuffling that happens in high school, encourage your daughter to be patient and try new things.

[Anonymous]

I’m a HS teacher and parent of a teen. In class, some students talk and some do not. You will always have people who are very outgoing in a group setting and others that are more hesitant to speak to others they do not know. The first couple weeks of school are always quieter than normal. They are tired and getting back to the routine.

My own kids tend to take a while to talk to others in their classes. Sometimes they make friendships, other times they do not. Most of their friends are made through activities outside of the classroom. Two of mine are into sports and their closest friends are on their teams. One of mine is very into gaming and he tends to meet kids with the same computer interests. He’s met a lot of kids from school through others through the games and common friends. All of this takes time.

[Anonymous]

^ I’m not big into group work, but I’ve had a couple activities where they could work together this past week. When I’ve saw kids sitting alone I’ve gone and introduced them to others sitting alone. Often it was a couple of kids who just moved here and they would start talking. I’m taking about a ten min into activity here and it’s really casual. Like me saying “Hi! I’m trying to learn your names. What’s yours? Nice to meet you Jane. What’s your name? Nice to meet you Jill. Why don’t you two work together?” Often they do but I don’t force it. Sometimes that’s all it takes from a teacher to get a conversation started.