Husband with extreme covid paranoia

[Anonymous]

Anyone else dealing with a spouse with covid anxiety?
We had our DD in July 2020 and through my pregnancy and her entire life, I have followed his incredibly strict covid protocol. No one besides a doctor has held my DD at this point. It makes me incredibly sad to think of the joy that I could not share with my friends and family.

We were recently entering a nanny share and DD and I went over to get everything set up. The next day the family calls to tell me the husband has tested positive for covid. They were traveling and I thought they had been back for two weeks, but that wasn't the case. DH is FURIOUS at me for not asking them if they had a Covid test before we went over.

Since the test, he has holed himself in his room even though we had over 24 hours together before we found out. He is wearing three masks around the house and refuses to talk to me. He is pushing me to take a large list of supplement including a european medicine, mouthwashes and nasal spray. I have no symptoms and had a negative covid test. I told him that he needs help and he laughed and said that it's my fault for exposing them to a deadly virus.

I'm at a loss.... I have been operating according to his protocol this entire time even though my risk tolerance is higher. Still, I am on the more cautious side, his expectations are extreme. He refuses to acknowledge that he has extreme anxiety and paranoia.
I feel like this is the end of my marriage. Had anyone separated from a partner with different covid expectations? I wonder how that could go regarding our DD.

[Anonymous]

This is nuts and honestly it’s a sign of controlling behavior that could easily spread to another area of your life. I’d get out now. It’s tougher to divorce when kids are older and routines are established. At this point just leave to so where of get an apartment. Don’t drop the divorce word yet but tell him you can’t function with his protocols and tell him you’re temporarily stepping out.

[Anonymous]

First, if he’s paranoid about Covid doing a nanny share makes no sense. Second, if it’s been five days since the possible exposure get tested. We’ve been exposed twice in the last month and tested negative both times. The people we know who tested positive had flu like symptoms for a few days and that was it. I assume he has been vaccinated and if not he’s got a bigger problem.

[Anonymous]

Eh I am the covid paranoid spouse but I’m also pregnant. Did he agree to a nanny share? Because that’s the stupidest thing I’ve hear for a covid paranoid person to agree to. Kid stays home or vaccinated nanny only. Mine is staying home and I’m sacrificing everything and anything to keep us away from people.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry, OP. This is your baby too and you get a say in whether you want your parents, close friends, etc to get to hold your baby. Your DH does not get to dictate everything.

[Anonymous]

I had my DD in May 2020. Sharing her with my loved ones has been such a joy. I can’t imagine if my DH stood in the way of making those bonds.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like severe anxiety not extreme paranoia. I'm sorry, its hard to live with someone with severe anxiety as much as you love them.

[Anonymous]

Drop the share if they lied about travel. Very unsafe.

[Anonymous]

If you were exposed to this person who has now Etsy Ed positive for covid, it makes sense that he is isolating from you. Is he taking care of the baby and asking you to stay away? That would make sense if so. Is he asking you to wear a mask around the baby? Because you should be.

I’m not sure why this is your fault though unless he did not where to you going over there?

I agree if he is this anxious about covid staying home or doing a solo nanny who is vaccinated and masked is a better idea.

I would not let anyone hold my baby right now either.

[Anonymous]

If my DH was such a nervous nelly I think my attraction would all but disappear. Is he so hysterical in other parts of life?

[Anonymous]

You might want to look into testosterone treatments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were exposed to this person who has now Etsy Ed positive for covid, it makes sense that he is isolating from you. Is he taking care of the baby and asking you to stay away? That would make sense if so. Is he asking you to wear a mask around the baby? Because you should be.

I’m not sure why this is your fault though unless he did not where to you going over there?

I agree if he is this anxious about covid staying home or doing a solo nanny who is vaccinated and masked is a better idea.

I would not let anyone hold my baby right now either.

+1 to the above.

While the supplements and nasal sprays etc. are definitely going too far, and are actually unwise as there's nothing to prove they make a difference...Other than those things, his approach is not as paranoid as you want to believe, OP. Your child has zero immunity to this virus; a much, much more highly contagious variant is now the dominant one everywhere in the country; even vaccinated people can be infected with delta variant and can pass it on to the unvaccinated like your baby; and your child is a long time away from being vaccinated for it. This PP is right. You do know you cannot trust that nanny share family again, right?

Your DH sounds especially worried but I would be too if I had a baby or young child right now. His approach sounds grating, yes, but I wonder if that is the result of feeling he's not being taken seriously by you? I don't mean that to sound snarky but you seem not to be very concerned at the thought of your baby and covid. Maybe if he heard from you that you take it seriously and don't call it "paranoia" he might be calmer.

Are you upset about his "paranoia" or about the fact he blames you for that other family exposing you and the baby? The latter is not really on you but you could act as if it's something to take seriously. Have you actually talked to him and said you and he don't seem to be on the same page, and you want to understand his reactions and explain your own? In a non-judgmental way?

And PP is right. Forget nanny sharing; it will only create more stress between you and DH. If you just must have a nanny, find any way you can to get a solo nanny, vaxxed and masked the whole time. Yes, masked. Read up on delta and asymptomatic transmission in vaccinated people.

[Anonymous]

I have a toddler and this is more drama than I’d be able to take. We’ve been doing the pandemic for 18 months. We’ve been cautious but can’t be so cautious indefinitely. There comes a point when you move on with life, get childcare, and just do your best.

[Anonymous]

LOL the very first reply is "divorce him". The DCUM answer to every marital problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL the very first reply is "divorce him". The DCUM answer to every marital problem.

LOL true. In all fairness, he sounds like a handful.