Best ways to argue with spouse?
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Anonymous
| Ladies, what is the best way for your husbands to respond when being berated if they forget to do a chore? Is being silent and walking away easiest and best? |
Anonymous
| Best response is to do the chore! But why berate, why not just remind him. |
Anonymous
| If my spouse ever started to berate me, I would walk away. That's not how mature and mentally healthy people act |
Anonymous
| Say sorry you forgot, you’ll do the chore, but it makes you feel [however you feel] to be berated like that and you would like to be treated more kindly/fairly. |
Anonymous
It’s also not mature to just walk away. |
Anonymous
|
Berating is never in the equation.
If there is stuff to get done, we divide it up. If it doesn't get done, I'll maybe remind once (especially if I realize I wasn't clear that I meant today, not eventually). If it doesn't happen after that, I'll do it and ask to please remember next time. My spouse isn't a child but he isn't perfect and does forget stuff. I do, too. If it's all the time and due to bad priorities (playing video games instead of being a present partner), that's a different issue. |
Anonymous
| Say, "I'm sorry I forgot to do the chore. I really appreciate that you end up bearing the mental load of kids and housework. I'll try to be better about proactively noticing when things need to get done to help share that load better. Please feel free to let me know when I'm missing things, and let's come up with a list so we can handle it all better and I can take on more. I'll go do the chore now and also watch the kids and make dinner so that you can go take a nice bath or do your own thing for a bit. I love you." |
Anonymous
|
Say Oh my god -- I completely forgot!! Sorry about that -- I'll get to it this afternoon (evening/tomorrow/right now -- whenever you can). Thanks for the reminder.
Be the bigger person. People forget. It happens. No need to have an argument about it. |
Anonymous
|
We need more. Does spouse repeatedly forget? What actions have they taken so they don’t forget again? Does souse generally pull their weight?
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Anonymous
This is the battered spouse response. Spouse is berating you and you go "I'm so sorry. I forgot. I'll do it right now. I'm so sorry". Berating someone is NEVER ok |
Anonymous
Right. I think a spouse can get exasperated if that spouse has to ask multiple times. But how the spouse handles exasperation matters. |
Anonymous
| Is this part of a bigger pattern of you only pulling your weight when repeatedly nagged (or even berated)? |
Anonymous
|
I don't get arguing. We discuss things, sometimes with expressed emotion, but never disrespectfully or immaturely. We also admit to mistakes, and apologize, and forgive. We control our tempers. We speak respectfully to each other, especially when we are upset about something, often using humor to chill the mood.
Not pulling your weight: not OK. Forgetting and needing a reminder, fine, just admit, apologize, and get to it. Berating another person: not OK. Reminding someone and expressing your thoughts/feelings about the oversight in an adult manner: fine. |
Anonymous
OP is obviously the person doing the forgetting. Your advice is for OP's spouse. |
Anonymous
| OP, please describe what you mean by "berating." |