How fast is too fast?

[Anonymous]

Let's say two people have known each other for 15 years, both recently became single and started dating 2 months ago. Both parties are interested in moving forward, which would entail moving in together, getting married soon, and having kids.

Does fast-tracking have a higher likelihood of success if both parties have known each other for a long time as close friends?

[Anonymous]

Yes, my husband and I were very good friends for three years before we got together. Once we did it was really easy because there were no real surprises.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. I could give you anecdotal data on where it has worked and where it's been a disaster. The older I get the more I think there's no hard and fast rules to these type of things.

I guess fast can be okay as long as you are doing it because you actually want to be together and it's not just a fear of being alone trying to check boxes type thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. I could give you anecdotal data on where it has worked and where it's been a disaster. The older I get the more I think there's no hard and fast rules to these type of things.

I guess fast can be okay as long as you are doing it because you actually want to be together and it's not just a fear of being alone trying to check boxes type thing.

OP here and I don't think it's a check the boxes type thing as both parties have BTDT as far as marriage goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's say two people have known each other for 15 years, both recently became single and started dating 2 months ago. Both parties are interested in moving forward, which would entail moving in together, getting married soon, and having kids.

Does fast-tracking have a higher likelihood of success if both parties have known each other for a long time as close friends?

Yes, but it’s not the time, it’s how well you really know each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. I could give you anecdotal data on where it has worked and where it's been a disaster. The older I get the more I think there's no hard and fast rules to these type of things.

I guess fast can be okay as long as you are doing it because you actually want to be together and it's not just a fear of being alone trying to check boxes type thing.

OP here and I don't think it's a check the boxes type thing as both parties have BTDT as far as marriage goes.

And how long have you been divorced? Do either of you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. I could give you anecdotal data on where it has worked and where it's been a disaster. The older I get the more I think there's no hard and fast rules to these type of things.

I guess fast can be okay as long as you are doing it because you actually want to be together and it's not just a fear of being alone trying to check boxes type thing.

OP here and I don't think it's a check the boxes type thing as both parties have BTDT as far as marriage goes.

And how long have you been divorced? Do either of you have kids?

OP here and I'm a friend of both parties. Party 1 got out of an 8-year relationship (no marriage, no kids) 2 months ago, has been married 3 times before, has 2 kids from the first marriage and a few very young grandchildren. Party 2 has been married once before with no kids, but wants to. have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. I could give you anecdotal data on where it has worked and where it's been a disaster. The older I get the more I think there's no hard and fast rules to these type of things.

I guess fast can be okay as long as you are doing it because you actually want to be together and it's not just a fear of being alone trying to check boxes type thing.

OP here and I don't think it's a check the boxes type thing as both parties have BTDT as far as marriage goes.

And how long have you been divorced? Do either of you have kids?

OP here and I'm a friend of both parties. Party 1 got out of an 8-year relationship (no marriage, no kids) 2 months ago, has been married 3 times before, has 2 kids from the first marriage and a few very young grandchildren. Party 2 has been married once before with no kids, but wants to. have them.

I'd say this is a big fat hell no especially for party 2. Red flags and disaster all over this!

[Anonymous]

Ha ha ha. What the everlasting F!

Party number 1 (Pat) is CLEARLY a problem. Three marriages? This is just 2 months in and Pat want to move in with party number 2 (Jamie)

Jamie would be INSANE to hook themselves to Pat. INSANE.

But I'd also say you should MYOB unless asked. Pat and Jamie are clearly adults, although possibly quite immature or idiots.

[Anonymous]

Party 1 clearly has a pattern. Party 2 should NOT have children with party 1.

Also, is there a big age gap? Party 1 has grandchildren and Party 2 still wants their own children? So I assume of childbearing age? Do tell.

[Anonymous]

OP your initial post led me to believe they should proceed quickly; I mean - why not?

But her desperately wanting a kid with grandpa?

Is that really wise, given his track record of divorce??

[Anonymous]

Party 1 = Red flag

[Anonymous]

My widowed father married a woman who was divorced three times. I’m pretty sure he has made a huge mistake. No one should want to be a fourth spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your initial post led me to believe they should proceed quickly; I mean - why not?

But her desperately wanting a kid with grandpa?

Is that really wise, given his track record of divorce??

Some people really don't want better for themselves, they love struggle and drama

[Anonymous]

No one should rush into a 3rd or 4th marriage. Have they learned NOTHING?

If their divorces had been each of their first, and they were in similar life phases, I'd say eh ok maybe. But with him having grandkids and her wanting her own kids, this has HUGE MESS written all over it.

Do you really want to have aunts and uncles that are YOUNGER than their niece/nephew? No.