If You Left a Private School How Long Did It Take You to Realize You Should Leave?

[Anonymous]

I have a child in a small private who complains about the dynamics of the school - meaning not many options re: socializing (think 15 kids with less than half being my child's sex); however, the academics are wonderful. I'm pushing for our local public, as my child has lots of friends there and we are zoned for a strong 'W' school. But my child is hesitant and seems to want to "tough it out" for all of the other positives the school has (small class sizes make it easier to focus and participate; great and responsive teachers and administration; unique extracurricular activities). But it kills me to see my kid come home at the end of the day dejected because of the limited social options. It's not that kids are being mean; it's just that my child is a little more introverted and the loud, domineering kids tend to run the show, control the socializing at the school. At public, there are a lot more kids and more opportunities to find your tribe. And FYI this is our second year here - transferred in from public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a child in a small private who complains about the dynamics of the school - meaning not many options re: socializing (think 15 kids with less than half being my child's sex); however, the academics are wonderful. I'm pushing for our local public, as my child has lots of friends there and we are zoned for a strong 'W' school. But my child is hesitant and seems to want to "tough it out" for all of the other positives the school has (small class sizes make it easier to focus and participate; great and responsive teachers and administration; unique extracurricular activities). But it kills me to see my kid come home at the end of the day dejected because of the limited social options. It's not that kids are being mean; it's just that my child is a little more introverted and the loud, domineering kids tend to run the show, control the socializing at the school. At public, there are a lot more kids and more opportunities to find your tribe. And FYI this is our second year here - transferred in from public.

Following - similar issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child in a small private who complains about the dynamics of the school - meaning not many options re: socializing (think 15 kids with less than half being my child's sex); however, the academics are wonderful. I'm pushing for our local public, as my child has lots of friends there and we are zoned for a strong 'W' school. But my child is hesitant and seems to want to "tough it out" for all of the other positives the school has (small class sizes make it easier to focus and participate; great and responsive teachers and administration; unique extracurricular activities). But it kills me to see my kid come home at the end of the day dejected because of the limited social options. It's not that kids are being mean; it's just that my child is a little more introverted and the loud, domineering kids tend to run the show, control the socializing at the school. At public, there are a lot more kids and more opportunities to find your tribe. And FYI this is our second year here - transferred in from public.

Following - similar issues

+2!

[Anonymous]

It’s only going to get worse as the kids get older. By high school I was begging my parents to let me leave my excellent but small private for the large public. I did leave in 9th grade, found my tribe, and was much happier (and still got into a great college, as that seems to matter here).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a child in a small private who complains about the dynamics of the school - meaning not many options re: socializing (think 15 kids with less than half being my child's sex); however, the academics are wonderful. I'm pushing for our local public, as my child has lots of friends there and we are zoned for a strong 'W' school. But my child is hesitant and seems to want to "tough it out" for all of the other positives the school has (small class sizes make it easier to focus and participate; great and responsive teachers and administration; unique extracurricular activities). But it kills me to see my kid come home at the end of the day dejected because of the limited social options. It's not that kids are being mean; it's just that my child is a little more introverted and the loud, domineering kids tend to run the show, control the socializing at the school. At public, there are a lot more kids and more opportunities to find your tribe. And FYI this is our second year here - transferred in from public.

15 in the entire grade or just per class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s only going to get worse as the kids get older. By high school I was begging my parents to let me leave my excellent but small private for the large public. I did leave in 9th grade, found my tribe, and was much happier (and still got into a great college, as that seems to matter here).

It probably will get worse. Last year was an off year so I would say hold off another year but if it is that small things may not get better. I would say transfer to larger public or larger private. Lots of great privates that are larger but still have small class sizes.

[Anonymous]

We switched out DC from one private to another. We started hearing complaints from our child their third year (elementary), we looked at other schools that year but has her stay one more year, then left.

The new school is a better fit, as much as we liked the first one.

[Anonymous]

I would caution that social skills are deteriorating in kids, even if they’re been in some hybrid and in person learning. Most families have pulled back on socializing. With poor social skills all around it’s much harder for kids to make friends.

My two kids at different small privates clearly have several kids suffering in isolation and lack of social contact. I hope a school counselor is available to help your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child in a small private who complains about the dynamics of the school - meaning not many options re: socializing (think 15 kids with less than half being my child's sex); however, the academics are wonderful. I'm pushing for our local public, as my child has lots of friends there and we are zoned for a strong 'W' school. But my child is hesitant and seems to want to "tough it out" for all of the other positives the school has (small class sizes make it easier to focus and participate; great and responsive teachers and administration; unique extracurricular activities). But it kills me to see my kid come home at the end of the day dejected because of the limited social options. It's not that kids are being mean; it's just that my child is a little more introverted and the loud, domineering kids tend to run the show, control the socializing at the school. At public, there are a lot more kids and more opportunities to find your tribe. And FYI this is our second year here - transferred in from public.

15 in the entire grade or just per class?

Yes, per grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s only going to get worse as the kids get older. By high school I was begging my parents to let me leave my excellent but small private for the large public. I did leave in 9th grade, found my tribe, and was much happier (and still got into a great college, as that seems to matter here).

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

We are considering having DC switch in grade 9 but also looking at privates with quirkier cultures/ more tolerance for non preppy students (in order to maintain smaller class sizes and learning supports) . Do you think a different private may have also worked or just a strong bigger public with more social groups?

Thanks so much !

[Anonymous]

I knew by December and should have pulled him out then. The school counselor said not to do it, because the bullying would stop. It never stopped. The school stopped trying to make it stop. I really should have pulled him out in December (or never sent him).

[Anonymous]

My DD went to a small private for 4 years. We knew 2 1/2 years in that we needed to move her, but stay an extra year thinking it would improve. Looking back, staying was a mistake. Similar situation to what has been expressed. We liked the idea of the smaller classes and also experienced the louder kids running the show. We switched last year to a different private and it was 100% the right decision. We are all much happier.

[Anonymous]

My question is whether this is child-driven since your kid wants to stay. I see a lot of parents unhappy in private school but then unhappy at the next place too. Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew by December and should have pulled him out then. The school counselor said not to do it, because the bullying would stop. It never stopped. The school stopped trying to make it stop. I really should have pulled him out in December (or never sent him).

Similar experience. We felt the dynamics at our DCs small private weren’t great but stuck it out for several yeas, The bully eventually got around to my kid so we left. School admin was completely useless. Acted shocked when we left. DC was immediately happy at new school and our only regret is not doing it sooner. Great academic fit means nothing if your kid is in small private with bad class dynamics.

[Anonymous]

The answer is always a year too late.