If You Left a Private School How Long Did It Take You to Realize You Should Leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The answer is always a year too late.

Oh Puhleeze …

The answer is not always the same or over the same amount of time … If students and families learn more through difficulties about what it is important to them for the long term l, then there is no need to categorize school switches as being “too late” …

Speaking from personal experience, being bullied as a tween/ young teen helped me to develop a lot of empathy / sensitivity to those being excluded or made fun of. Many many friends have told me how much they appreciate my empathy and ability to be with others when the chips are down. As long as students and their parents are willing to learn and grow, then nothing is wasted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child in a small private who complains about the dynamics of the school - meaning not many options re: socializing (think 15 kids with less than half being my child's sex); however, the academics are wonderful. I'm pushing for our local public, as my child has lots of friends there and we are zoned for a strong 'W' school. But my child is hesitant and seems to want to "tough it out" for all of the other positives the school has (small class sizes make it easier to focus and participate; great and responsive teachers and administration; unique extracurricular activities). But it kills me to see my kid come home at the end of the day dejected because of the limited social options. It's not that kids are being mean; it's just that my child is a little more introverted and the loud, domineering kids tend to run the show, control the socializing at the school. At public, there are a lot more kids and more opportunities to find your tribe. And FYI this is our second year here - transferred in from public.

Following - similar issues

+2!

Question for OP and all of the +s. What grades? First year at your schools?

[Anonymous]

I kept my child for 2 years after I realized it was a bad fit. The other kids were lovely. I feel like the teachers and admin focused on the loud extroverted children at the expense of the quiet (extremely bright) ones. New school much better fit. The other kids are still super sweet. There are ~14 kids total.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept my child for 2 years after I realized it was a bad fit. The other kids were lovely. I feel like the teachers and admin focused on the loud extroverted children at the expense of the quiet (extremely bright) ones. New school much better fit. The other kids are still super sweet. There are ~14 kids total.

Your kid goes to a school with 14 kids total? Where?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child in a small private who complains about the dynamics of the school - meaning not many options re: socializing (think 15 kids with less than half being my child's sex); however, the academics are wonderful. I'm pushing for our local public, as my child has lots of friends there and we are zoned for a strong 'W' school. But my child is hesitant and seems to want to "tough it out" for all of the other positives the school has (small class sizes make it easier to focus and participate; great and responsive teachers and administration; unique extracurricular activities). But it kills me to see my kid come home at the end of the day dejected because of the limited social options. It's not that kids are being mean; it's just that my child is a little more introverted and the loud, domineering kids tend to run the show, control the socializing at the school. At public, there are a lot more kids and more opportunities to find your tribe. And FYI this is our second year here - transferred in from public.

Following - similar issues

+2!

Question for OP and all of the +s. What grades? First year at your schools?

Middle school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child in a small private who complains about the dynamics of the school - meaning not many options re: socializing (think 15 kids with less than half being my child's sex); however, the academics are wonderful. I'm pushing for our local public, as my child has lots of friends there and we are zoned for a strong 'W' school. But my child is hesitant and seems to want to "tough it out" for all of the other positives the school has (small class sizes make it easier to focus and participate; great and responsive teachers and administration; unique extracurricular activities). But it kills me to see my kid come home at the end of the day dejected because of the limited social options. It's not that kids are being mean; it's just that my child is a little more introverted and the loud, domineering kids tend to run the show, control the socializing at the school. At public, there are a lot more kids and more opportunities to find your tribe. And FYI this is our second year here - transferred in from public.

Following - similar issues

+2!

Question for OP and all of the +s. What grades? First year at your schools?

New poster here, adding questions above.....in addition to which grade, what is the terminal year of the school?

15 students per grade can be very small for Middle & High School, even if you don't have social issues. It can be great for kids that need tons of attention, but it can be suffocating. There are students that need small/appreciate subject classes of 15 but have a larger grade size so they can move from subject to subject and change the mix of 15 classmates throughout the day.

[Anonymous]

We had similar issues in a class of 50 for MS. Hated watching no socialization w school friends outside of school while other kids in the class would always be doing something together outside of school. Switched to a new school in 9th with a bigger class size of 150 with half new kids coming into the class. Teen is thriving but took a few months to find her people and she has many different groups plus one core group

[Anonymous]

This was 30 years ago but I was enrolled at a top rated private for 6th, coming from a smaller k-5 private, and was immediately unhappy and spent the next seven years "toughing" it out till graduation. Teachers were fine, I just didn't gel with the classmates for whatever reasons despite coming from similar backgrounds on paper.

Looking back, it wasn't worth it. The school's prestige does nothing for me, I don't go to any of the reunions, haven't donated a single penny, haven't talked to any of the classmates since graduation day, and also have nothing positive to remember of the seven years I spent there. The whole middle-high school years for me are an utter wash.

There was no good locally zoned public option and the unhappiness resulted in middling grades 6-10th grades that made it difficult to transfer to another private, so inertia (and years of wasted tuition) ruled, although I got my act together academically in the last two years and went to an Ivy for college. Probably the last generation for whom this was possible.

In your shoes, I'd move the kid to your local high school. No point spending all that tuition money for an unhappy experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child in a small private who complains about the dynamics of the school - meaning not many options re: socializing (think 15 kids with less than half being my child's sex); however, the academics are wonderful. I'm pushing for our local public, as my child has lots of friends there and we are zoned for a strong 'W' school. But my child is hesitant and seems to want to "tough it out" for all of the other positives the school has (small class sizes make it easier to focus and participate; great and responsive teachers and administration; unique extracurricular activities). But it kills me to see my kid come home at the end of the day dejected because of the limited social options. It's not that kids are being mean; it's just that my child is a little more introverted and the loud, domineering kids tend to run the show, control the socializing at the school. At public, there are a lot more kids and more opportunities to find your tribe. And FYI this is our second year here - transferred in from public.

15 in the entire grade or just per class?

Yes, per grade.

Wow, that's really small!

Can you look for another private? That way your kid can still get the positives of a private but with a much larger social scene. Ours in VA (not Northern) has 80 per grade in elementary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was 30 years ago but I was enrolled at a top rated private for 6th, coming from a smaller k-5 private, and was immediately unhappy and spent the next seven years "toughing" it out till graduation. Teachers were fine, I just didn't gel with the classmates for whatever reasons despite coming from similar backgrounds on paper.

Looking back, it wasn't worth it. The school's prestige does nothing for me, I don't go to any of the reunions, haven't donated a single penny, haven't talked to any of the classmates since graduation day, and also have nothing positive to remember of the seven years I spent there. The whole middle-high school years for me are an utter wash.

There was no good locally zoned public option and the unhappiness resulted in middling grades 6-10th grades that made it difficult to transfer to another private, so inertia (and years of wasted tuition) ruled, although I got my act together academically in the last two years and went to an Ivy for college. Probably the last generation for whom this was possible.

In your shoes, I'd move the kid to your local high school. No point spending all that tuition money for an unhappy experience.

Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry that toughing it out was not worth it to you but glad to hear you got into an Ivy at least. I agree with you that happiness is more important than prestige.

One of following PPs dealing with similar issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had similar issues in a class of 50 for MS. Hated watching no socialization w school friends outside of school while other kids in the class would always be doing something together outside of school. Switched to a new school in 9th with a bigger class size of 150 with half new kids coming into the class. Teen is thriving but took a few months to find her people and she has many different groups plus one core group

Similar experience with DC - class size by 8th grade was 37 kids. Co-Ed school and DC seemed to not have many friends although they got along with everyone. Everything much, much better in high school, class around 150. However, I saw DC flourish socially at a summer school on a college campus experience, so now wonder if even 150 was too small to really find kids they click with. I do wonder if they would have been happier in public. DC very happy at a large state university, so clearly happy in large environments.

[Anonymous]

Yea; one class per grade have always been deal breakers for me. Move your kid. Our private has 3 elementary classes per grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a child in a small private who complains about the dynamics of the school - meaning not many options re: socializing (think 15 kids with less than half being my child's sex); however, the academics are wonderful. I'm pushing for our local public, as my child has lots of friends there and we are zoned for a strong 'W' school. But my child is hesitant and seems to want to "tough it out" for all of the other positives the school has (small class sizes make it easier to focus and participate; great and responsive teachers and administration; unique extracurricular activities). But it kills me to see my kid come home at the end of the day dejected because of the limited social options. It's not that kids are being mean; it's just that my child is a little more introverted and the loud, domineering kids tend to run the show, control the socializing at the school. At public, there are a lot more kids and more opportunities to find your tribe. And FYI this is our second year here - transferred in from public.

If the school is good, I'd try to find more friend groups outside of school. Different activities, sports, music, acting, etc.

We left because of those small classroom social dynamics AND the school was horrible. It took me a year and a half to make the decision. I transferred my son to Cabin John Middle and it was the best thing I ever did.

[Anonymous]

Will it get bigger over time? Our DD is in a school where her grade is only 15 kids, but they do another big intake 2 years from now that doubles the number of kids per grade, and again a few years later so by high school it's about 75 kids/grade.

[Anonymous]

Found that last year with DS — larger private elementary but the small cohorts led to very constrained social options for him.
This year *should* be better — here’s hoping!