What is reasonable contact with the other parent?

[Anonymous]

What is “reasonable” for a child to talk to a parent during the other parent’s time?

Frequency? Duration? Does the parenting schedule matter (2-2-3? Week on/week off?)?

[Anonymous]

I’d say it depends on the age of the kid. Infants can’t really chat and older kids don’t want to. Maybe every other day for a5 Yo and every few days for age 8?

[Anonymous]

Every day, at least a few minutes a day except if you have frequent in person contact. Except in abuse/neglect, it is reasonable to have a 5-10 minute phone call or FaceTime.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been divorced for 6yrs. Kids are now 14 and 11. They are allowed to call/talk to either parent whenever they want. It’s always been this way. It would never occur to me limit my child’s contact with their parent.

[Anonymous]

Really depends on so many factors, it is impossible to answer this question without more details. Ages of kids, custody schedule, their relationship with each parent, who is initiating the contact, how do kids respond, etc.

In general, though, I'm all for letting the kids contact the other parent whenever they want. But there are factors that could make this inappropriate, so we need more details.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? How often do they see the other parent? Is the other parent initiating the calls, or are the kids? If the kids want to call, let them. If the other parent is constantly demanding more talk time, limit to once per day or every other day.

[Anonymous]

As much as the kid wants to contact the other parent. Daily calls/facetime is totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been divorced for 6yrs. Kids are now 14 and 11. They are allowed to call/talk to either parent whenever they want. It’s always been this way. It would never occur to me limit my child’s contact with their parent.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

As a child of divorced parents, I will warn you that putting too many rules around contact, the other parent, etc .. the kids will be negatively impacted. You should be supporting their emotional well being, not restricting it.

[Anonymous]

The kids live with me and see their father every other Wednesday and spend every other weekend with him.

When they were too young to have phones they had a call with him each night before bedtime. When they got phones, he was one of the few people they could text and call. As they got older they would call him when they wanted to talk.

Occasionally he would call if something big was going on - maybe he helped one study for a test and he called in the morning on the way to school to give them a pep talk. Or maybe he'd call to ask if they wanted to do something that had come up and he needed a decision "now."

When they stay with him, I call before bedtime.

[Anonymous]

I posted a similar question a while back and had a really hard time reading the answers. Every relationship and every person is different. There are a lot of assumptions that people on here have regarding the "normalcy" of each situation and assuming the parent and other parent are what they consider "normal." I am not in a "normal" situation if normal = 2 American parents, live close-by, share custody somewhat close to 50-50, each parent is communicative and pitches in, etc. I say this just to reiterate that your situation may be different from what others have experienced and to please do what is right for you.

I have a five year old and I ask him "Do you want to call Daddy?" at least a few times a week. Additionally, if he initiates it and says he wants to call, then we call (unless we are doing something where we can't). If I ask and he doesn't want to, then we don't. However if it's been a few days (maybe 4ish) and he hasn't talked to him, I kind of force a phone call for at least a couple minutes. His father never calls, partially because he doesn't want to "interrupt" us and partially because, well, he is not communicative. Let's just say all of these phone calls (facetimes) don't include much conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really depends on so many factors, it is impossible to answer this question without more details. Ages of kids, custody schedule, their relationship with each parent, who is initiating the contact, how do kids respond, etc.

In general, though, I'm all for letting the kids contact the other parent whenever they want. But there are factors that could make this inappropriate, so we need more details.

My ex was/is very controlling and focused in his image/ego, and thus demanded a check-the-box call with the daughters every day. They did it and he and they barely said anything. It eventually petered out. He does his Disney dad stuff on his weekends and a dinner out with big desserts once a week. They have shallow, check the box “conversations.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really depends on so many factors, it is impossible to answer this question without more details. Ages of kids, custody schedule, their relationship with each parent, who is initiating the contact, how do kids respond, etc.

In general, though, I'm all for letting the kids contact the other parent whenever they want. But there are factors that could make this inappropriate, so we need more details.

My ex was/is very controlling and focused in his image/ego, and thus demanded a check-the-box call with the daughters every day. They did it and he and they barely said anything. It eventually petered out. He does his Disney dad stuff on his weekends and a dinner out with big desserts once a week. They have shallow, check the box “conversations.”

You sound very bitter that your daughters spend time with their father

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really depends on so many factors, it is impossible to answer this question without more details. Ages of kids, custody schedule, their relationship with each parent, who is initiating the contact, how do kids respond, etc.

In general, though, I'm all for letting the kids contact the other parent whenever they want. But there are factors that could make this inappropriate, so we need more details.

My ex was/is very controlling and focused in his image/ego, and thus demanded a check-the-box call with the daughters every day. They did it and he and they barely said anything. It eventually petered out. He does his Disney dad stuff on his weekends and a dinner out with big desserts once a week. They have shallow, check the box “conversations.”

Sounds like you were the issue when you did not want phone calls and limited contact. I feel bad for your kids that they lost their dad due to your needs and not theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really depends on so many factors, it is impossible to answer this question without more details. Ages of kids, custody schedule, their relationship with each parent, who is initiating the contact, how do kids respond, etc.

In general, though, I'm all for letting the kids contact the other parent whenever they want. But there are factors that could make this inappropriate, so we need more details.

My ex was/is very controlling and focused in his image/ego, and thus demanded a check-the-box call with the daughters every day. They did it and he and they barely said anything. It eventually petered out. He does his Disney dad stuff on his weekends and a dinner out with big desserts once a week. They have shallow, check the box “conversations.”

Sounds like you were the issue when you did not want phone calls and limited contact. I feel bad for your kids that they lost their dad due to your needs and not theirs.

No. His unmanaged mental disorders determine his level of interaction and conversation abilities. And energy and attention level.
Him demanding a daily phone call yet not knowing what to do or say was indeed sad.