“Your mother is totally worthless”

[Anonymous]

My mom just said that to my kids on FaceTime, in reference to the fact that I cannot do crafts/art/sewing.

I know this was “joking,” and stupid. But how about I can cook, I’m a good mom, I keep a nice house, I bring in six figures, I’m a good co-worker, I’m a good friend, I’m a good daughter?

I feel pretty worthless.

[Anonymous]

Your Mother isn't classy at all. The specifics, and whether true, aren't important at all. If it wasn't one thing, it would be another. Anyone who would choose these words is not a good role model for your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your Mother isn't classy at all. The specifics, and whether true, aren't important at all. If it wasn't one thing, it would be another. Anyone who would choose these words is not a good role model for your children.

Thank you. I needed to hear this.

[Anonymous]

That's her own insecurity speaking. Was she ever as professionally successful as you? I doubt her crafting skills could bring in 6 figures. I say this as a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

She’s projecting her ‘stuff’ onto you. Don’t give it a second thought. Her approval/disapproval of you doesn’t define you. YOU define YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's her own insecurity speaking. Was she ever as professionally successful as you? I doubt her crafting skills could bring in 6 figures. I say this as a SAHM.

Thank you! I totally value SAHMs and would never devalue anyone the way she did to me. I appreciate your support. I know this is so odd, but the words of total strangers is helping me to get myself back together.

If there’s something I’ve learned here, it’s that the words of your parents—even when you’re grown and independent and doing well—carry a ton of weight. I will do my best to never carelessly hurt my daughters with my words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s projecting her ‘stuff’ onto you. Don’t give it a second thought. Her approval/disapproval of you doesn’t define you. YOU define YOU.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom just said that to my kids on FaceTime, in reference to the fact that I cannot do crafts/art/sewing.

I know this was “joking,” and stupid. But how about I can cook, I’m a good mom, I keep a nice house, I bring in six figures, I’m a good co-worker, I’m a good friend, I’m a good daughter?

I feel pretty worthless.

And if you were a terrible cook, had a messy house, and made $30k/year you STILL wouldn't be worthless.

What do you think makes a human being worthy? You are worth something just for being alive and doing your best in this world. You are worth something just for being you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom just said that to my kids on FaceTime, in reference to the fact that I cannot do crafts/art/sewing.

I know this was “joking,” and stupid. But how about I can cook, I’m a good mom, I keep a nice house, I bring in six figures, I’m a good co-worker, I’m a good friend, I’m a good daughter?

I feel pretty worthless.

And if you were a terrible cook, had a messy house, and made $30k/year you STILL wouldn't be worthless.

What do you think makes a human being worthy? You are worth something just for being alive and doing your best in this world. You are worth something just for being you.

Yes! Exactly. And your mom should be the first person to recognize this -- I view this as part of my job as a mother, to always see the inherent worthiness of my children, to be loved.

But my mom is the same way, she says stuff like this all the time. If I called her on it, she's roll her eyes and say I'm being oversensitive. But deep down I think she knows.

[Anonymous]

Did anyone think it was a joke? It must be a joke
We are well past the era of home ec

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom just said that to my kids on FaceTime, in reference to the fact that I cannot do crafts/art/sewing.

I know this was “joking,” and stupid. But how about I can cook, I’m a good mom, I keep a nice house, I bring in six figures, I’m a good co-worker, I’m a good friend, I’m a good daughter?

I feel pretty worthless.

And if you were a terrible cook, had a messy house, and made $30k/year you STILL wouldn't be worthless.

What do you think makes a human being worthy? You are worth something just for being alive and doing your best in this world. You are worth something just for being you.

Yes! Exactly. And your mom should be the first person to recognize this -- I view this as part of my job as a mother, to always see the inherent worthiness of my children, to be loved.

But my mom is the same way, she says stuff like this all the time. If I called her on it, she's roll her eyes and say I'm being oversensitive. But deep down I think she knows.

OP here. Thank you both. You are so right. I honestly wasn’t expecting this much support from DCUM, you know? But just having people who are objective to the situation telling me these positive and reassuring things has been so helpful.

PP, I’m sorry that your mom does that to you. I get the “I was joking” and “you’re too sensitive” stuff a lot as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's her own insecurity speaking. Was she ever as professionally successful as you? I doubt her crafting skills could bring in 6 figures. I say this as a SAHM.

Thank you! I totally value SAHMs and would never devalue anyone the way she did to me. I appreciate your support. I know this is so odd, but the words of total strangers is helping me to get myself back together.

If there’s something I’ve learned here, it’s that the words of your parents—even when you’re grown and independent and doing well—carry a ton of weight. I will do my best to never carelessly hurt my daughters with my words.

NP. I think is crass for her to joke about this in front of your children, who are too young to read sarcasm. Every mother has her strengths, SAHM, WOHM, or something in between. Your "worths" might unique to you, but they exist nonetheless.

[Anonymous]

Click. There’s a red button. Forget what is pictured on it. Use it on her. Wait at least a week before contacting her again. Ignore her calls.

Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom just said that to my kids on FaceTime, in reference to the fact that I cannot do crafts/art/sewing.

I know this was “joking,” and stupid. But how about I can cook, I’m a good mom, I keep a nice house, I bring in six figures, I’m a good co-worker, I’m a good friend, I’m a good daughter?

I feel pretty worthless.

Please get a grip. Jeez. She was joking. You say that she was JOKING. Please get therapy. Your kids deserve a mother who is balanced and mentally stable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom just said that to my kids on FaceTime, in reference to the fact that I cannot do crafts/art/sewing.

I know this was “joking,” and stupid. But how about I can cook, I’m a good mom, I keep a nice house, I bring in six figures, I’m a good co-worker, I’m a good friend, I’m a good daughter?

I feel pretty worthless.

Please get a grip. Jeez. She was joking. You say that she was JOKING. Please get therapy. Your kids deserve a mother who is balanced and mentally stable.

Found the bully.

You may think you are clever/provocative/dark-humored, but your family and friends don’t appreciate your “jokes.” Just so you know.