“Your mother is totally worthless”

[Anonymous]

Wow. You need to set some boundaries: mom, I will not be spoken to like this. If you speak like this again, I will leave, hang up etc. Also, I will not allow you to speak to my children this way. If you do, you will not be permitted to see them, supervised or not. Then DO it.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, it's best to avoid emotional language in these situations - people who think denigration = humor tend to like to accuse their targets of being oversensitive. Instead, I would focus on the rudeness of the comment: "if you insist on being rude on these calls, I'm going to go. Goodbye."

[Anonymous]

Maybe take this as an opportunity to look at why you might tend to ruminate and have reoccurring negative thoughts and feelings OP. Use this as a lesson on letting go of negativity that does not serve you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom just said that to my kids on FaceTime, in reference to the fact that I cannot do crafts/art/sewing.

I know this was “joking,” and stupid. But how about I can cook, I’m a good mom, I keep a nice house, I bring in six figures, I’m a good co-worker, I’m a good friend, I’m a good daughter?

I feel pretty worthless.

Please get a grip. Jeez. She was joking. You say that she was JOKING. Please get therapy. Your kids deserve a mother who is balanced and mentally stable.

+1

Be nice. Words hurt even if said “as a joke”. It’s not funny. Do better for your own kids.

+1000 words do hurt no matter how “funny” they are. I am constantly hearing how my mom is so surprised I’m “so smart because it doesn’t look like it” as her attempt at a joke. It’s not a joke when you always hear it. I’m in therapy now and it’s been eye opening how her words have affected my self esteem and I never do this with my own kids.

[Anonymous]

I’m a sahm. I’ve sewn all the curtains in our house, I’ve sewed dozens of masks. I cross stitch and do all sorts of random crafts. Not being able to do that doesn’t make you worthless! I mean wtf? Everyone has their own separate skill set. I can’t make a decent excel spreadsheet or change a cars oil, so does that make me worthless? Why the special attachment to crafting/sewing!? That’s her trying to build herself up, and put you down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe take this as an opportunity to look at why you might tend to ruminate and have reoccurring negative thoughts and feelings OP. Use this as a lesson on letting go of negativity that does not serve you

Gee, do you think the “why” is that OP has a mother who says horrible things to her? Way to victim-blame. The “why” behind OP’s rumination and negative thoughts/feelings is her mother’s rudeness and harsh words. No child deserves to be called “worthless,” at any age, for any reason.

[Anonymous]

My mom has said surprise hurtful things all my life and I have a permanent wariness around her. Most recently on a group facetime with my sibling she commented on my "wattles" (my jaw and neck are not as tight as they used to be). That said, she does it less because me and my sib call it out when it happens and if it's really hurtful I will just get off the call. Not in a huff, more like, ok, gotta go now! She knows why though.

It's incredible how much power her words have and still have. Just a couple of years ago when I had a work win she said something like, "I expect you will be running that place eventually". I think about that comment a lot and have achieved a lot in recent years. I wonder how much her comment had to do with it, like she showed that she believed in me, so then I believed in me too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok you said she was joking, it was a joke , so what.

Read the OP:

"I feel pretty worthless".

That's all you and OP's mom need to know. It was an attempt at a joke. It failed miserably; as you can see, the person being "joked" about felt "pretty worthless" about it.

And, maybe OP is super sensitive. Guess we will never know.
Grow up.
My kids have Have had times where they’ve complain and I said yeah I’m terrible mom want to go get a new one?
Lighten up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe take this as an opportunity to look at why you might tend to ruminate and have reoccurring negative thoughts and feelings OP. Use this as a lesson on letting go of negativity that does not serve you

Gee, do you think the “why” is that OP has a mother who says horrible things to her? Way to victim-blame. The “why” behind OP’s rumination and negative thoughts/feelings is her mother’s rudeness and harsh words. No child deserves to be called “worthless,” at any age, for any reason.

Take a Xanax, we have no idea what the context or tone of any of this was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok you said she was joking, it was a joke , so what.

Read the OP:

"I feel pretty worthless".

That's all you and OP's mom need to know. It was an attempt at a joke. It failed miserably; as you can see, the person being "joked" about felt "pretty worthless" about it.

And, maybe OP is super sensitive. Guess we will never know.
Grow up.
My kids have Have had times where they’ve complain and I said yeah I’m terrible mom want to go get a new one?
Lighten up.

You’re an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am pretty thick-skinned, and I can tell you that many of the bad memories from my childhood came from my grandparents (grandmother mostly) making these kinds of comments about my father. And my father was far from worthless (brilliant university physics/math professor, very loving to his kids). He had his failures (terrible with money/savings, lazy spouse, and a poor disciplinarian), but we adored him.

It happened over 20 years ago, and it still hurts to this day. As recently as last year, my siblings and I confronted our parents, demanding to know why they did not put an end to this kind of talk even when we told them that it made us uncomfortable.

Don't let anyone talk to your children like this about you. Tell your mother to find other jokes; these kinds are unacceptable. They will grow to resent her for it. They might even grow to resent you for letting it happen. Ask me how I know...

Thank you. I ended the call and don’t plan on initiating contact for a while. If she asks why, I’ll tell her. If this happens again, I will tell her directly, and I will stand my ground when she inevitably says she was joking/I’m sensitive/tries to gaslight me.

You said she was joking. You are just milking the pity support. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Those who are defending teasing or jokes at someone's expense, do you tease your kids or colleagues this way? If so, why? Is it to take them down a peg or toughen them up or remind them who's in charge, older, smarter?

If they let you know it hurt their feelings, do you keep doing it, because you can, along with the above reasons or others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom just said that to my kids on FaceTime, in reference to the fact that I cannot do crafts/art/sewing.

I know this was “joking,” and stupid. But how about I can cook, I’m a good mom, I keep a nice house, I bring in six figures, I’m a good co-worker, I’m a good friend, I’m a good daughter?

I feel pretty worthless.

Please get a grip. Jeez. She was joking. You say that she was JOKING. Please get therapy. Your kids deserve a mother who is balanced and mentally stable.

+1

Found OP’s mom.

[Anonymous]

All you "she was just joking" people really miss the mark. Sure, people can joke, but ask yourself who is the butt of that joke? If it's not themselves, they have no right to joke at someone else's expense. It's lazy, cheap, and hurtful masquerading as a joke. Take it someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok you said she was joking, it was a joke , so what.

Read the OP:

"I feel pretty worthless".

That's all you and OP's mom need to know. It was an attempt at a joke. It failed miserably; as you can see, the person being "joked" about felt "pretty worthless" about it.

And, maybe OP is super sensitive. Guess we will never know.
Grow up.
My kids have Have had times where they’ve complain and I said yeah I’m terrible mom want to go get a new one?
Lighten up.

You’re an asshole.

Ok
And??