Anytime DH and I Fight He Goes on Strike
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Relatively new behavior within the last two years.
He stops doing anything related to runnnig a household with kids. Doesn't load or unload dishwasher, doesnt grocery shop, doesnt do pick ups or drop off, won't cut the grass, won't take ut the trash, doesn't fix any meals etc. We are married for 16 years and have 3 kids (8, 9, 13). |
Anonymous
| I would probably have the kids step up and help me more in those areas. When one person shuts down, then everyone has to pick up the slack. If they complained I would emphasize that as a family we must solve problems together. Your DH is doing things that will alter his relationship with them in a fundamental way. Such is life. |
Anonymous
| Does he ever, at any level, acknowledge this is an incredibly immature and passive-aggressive way to approach things? |
Anonymous
|
Sounds like he does what many women do, or are encouraged to do when they are not feeling appreciated by their husbands in hopes they realize how much they do.
Does he ignore the kids completely? Like does he not talk to or engage with them at all ? I'm curious what these fights are about. Are you telling him he doesn't do enough? |
Anonymous
| Escalate. Head out to a hotel for the weekend and leave him with the kids |
Anonymous
Was going to say the same thing. You see this being advocated here all the time... "Just stop doing house stuff..." "Just stop sex... " With that said, it is bad behavior no matter who does it. It is a pressure tactic and that isn't how a relationship should work. |
Anonymous
| I do not think striking is bad behavior if one person is doing far more than everyone else. Only OP knows whether this is true in their particular case. |
Anonymous
| Does he normally do all of those things? What do you do? |
Anonymous
|
Order grocery delivery.
Hire a house cleaner or increase days if you already have one. Order meals in. Hire someone for yard work. |
Anonymous
^^^ perfect example ^^^ |
Anonymous
| Tell him that you will not accept this behavior, and he will either agree to counseling, or you will be headed toward divorce. Ask him if the satisfaction he gets from his petty and passive-agressive behavior is worth destroying his family over. |
Anonymous
| What are the fights about? Does he say anything about this in the moment? Have you talked about it afterwards? |
Anonymous
Hah! I was thinking the same thing. Other mow our very small wit almost no grass "lawn," my husband doesn't do any of those things anyway. And he doesn't even have a real job, while I do. What do you do, OP? |
Anonymous
She really may not actually. Many people have a tendency to keep a careful accounting of every single thing they do, and completely ignore everything anyone else does. (this isn't limited to men or women) That leads them to believe they are doing "everything," when in fact that is far from the case. |
Anonymous
| OP what you are arguing about? Does he do this no matter what the argument is? I do this to a lesser degree (I don't stop doing everything) when I feel like DH has disregarded or reneged on an agreement to do something. I admit it may be childish but my feeling is if you are going to whatever you want and not what we agreed on, then I'm going to do whatever I want. And what I want to do is NOT the dishes or the laundry. I'm not sure that having your kids or hired help do these tasks is going to address the underlying issue. |